Dear Diary
by Broganmadfatdiary
Summary: Dear Diary is the sequel to 14 Days of Heaven. This is the next installment of this series. Rae's going through a lot. She's learning to deal with being alone again. With her thoughts running wild, and constantly running to her diary, will her thoughts get the better of her and Finn's relationship? Will she make it to the other side?
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is a brand new day! It's Monday, the sun  
is shining, and the birds are singing, and me? I'm fucking  
sitting here feeling sorry for my stupid self. Ugh. Today  
I was supposed to do something productive with myself. But  
I have done nothing so far. Okay, so maybe it was only 9 a.m. and  
waking up without Finn, may have been painful, but…  
I'm not sure. I just need to find something to do. _

Climbing off my bed, I then closed my diary and I placed it onto my side table, sighing deeply, as I made my way over to my full-length mirror. I swallowed slowly, staring at my reflection. I was wearing my blue pyjama bottoms, my matching blue pyjama t-shirt and I was wearing Finn's hoodie over the top of it. My face looked pale, due to barely getting any sleep last night, the feeling of emptiness really hitting my chest as I lay in bed. My hair was all over the place, thanks to rolling around constantly last night, because I couldn't sleep. But worst of all, I looked fucking fat. I felt ugly, I looked ugly, and everything about me was ugly. Closing my eyes, I swallowed slowly, getting rid of the lump that had formed in my throat. My heart was hammering, and I knew what I had to do. Rushing out of my bedroom and straight downstairs, and I rushed straight to the house phone. My hands were shaking. Mum was at work, thankfully, and Karim was outside, feeding his birds. I dialled a number, and I waited for someone to answer on the other line, my hands trembling.  
"Hello, Nelson residence?"  
I exhaled slowly as Finn's dad answered the phone,  
"H-Hi, Mr. Nelson, it's-"  
"Rae! Hi, darlin', y'alright?"  
I was taken back by his friendliness. Though I had to admit, it did warm my heart,  
"Y-Yeah, I-I'm good thanks. Um, is Finn awake, do ya know?" I bit my lip.  
"Yeah, he's just woke up. Hold on a second, love."  
I heard Mr. Nelson scamper away, and then a minute later, my heart was stuck in my throat,  
"Rae?" Finn answered softly.  
I exhaled in relief,  
"Hi, Finn." My voice cracked, and tears were pouring out of my eyes.  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Rae-Rae, what's wrong?" His voice was filled with concern, and it melted my heart. _He actually cares_. I told myself.  
"I just…" I sniffed, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. "I was just feelin' really lonely, and-and-"  
"And what?" Finn pressed.  
I swallowed audibly,  
"And I was feelin' a little like, like the old me. Y'know?"  
Finn was quiet for a few seconds, before I heard him speak again,  
"That's okay, Rae, I can help ya. What's on your mind?"  
I hugged my waist with my free hand, and I looked down, sniffing slightly as a few tears escaped from my eyes, the tears rolling down my cheeks,  
"Can you answer me something, and be totally honest?" I asked him quietly.  
"Course I can, baby." Finn replied to me.  
"Am I fat?" I asked him, my voice cracking mid-sentence, and I sniffed again.  
Finn sighed down the line,  
"Rae, you are not fat, I promise you. You're beautiful, you're gorgeous, and you're curvy. Not fat – curvy. I love your body."  
A small smile appeared on my lips, as the tears dropped off my face and I sniffed again, wiping my tears away with Finn's hoodie,  
"I miss you." I whispered.  
"I miss you too, Rae."  
I sighed, swallowing the lump in my throat again,  
"I just. I feel so alone, and I hate it. Because whenever I feel alone, I get these thoughts in my head…" I trailed off.  
"I know." Finn whispered down the line, and I could tell that he was thinking about the time that he read my diary. There was a muffled noise on the other end of the line, and then I heard Finn sigh. "Dad? Can ya gimme some space, please? This is important." There was another muffled noise, and from what I could hear, it sounded like,  
"Is everything alright, son?"  
"It will be, dad, if ya let me handle it."  
"The other half missin' ya already?" I heard his dad chuckle.  
"Dad!" He groaned. There was silence for a few seconds and then I heard his voice again. My Finn's angelic voice. "I'm so sorry about that, Rae-Rae."  
I shook my head and let out a little laugh, sniffing slightly,  
"That's okay, Finnypoo."  
"Go on." He urged me softly.  
"I'm just, uh… I'm just sick and tired of feeling so negative. When you were here it was easier for me to forget about 'em." My eyes welled with fresh tears. "But now you're there and I'm here and-and-" I cut off, sobbing hard into the line, covering my face with the sleeve of Finn's hoodie.  
"Shh, shh, shh, baby." Finn cooed down the line. "I'm still here, Rae. Ah'm always here for ya. Y'know that."  
I was still sobbing and I sniffed,  
"I know." I croaked quietly.  
"Rae, do ya wanna get some breakfast at the café?" He asked me.  
"Do you mind?" I whispered, trying to calm myself down. "Am I bein' pathetic?"  
I heard Finn scoff down the line,  
"Course ya ain't bein' pathetic, Rae. Want me to pick ya up?"  
I sighed slightly,  
"No, I can walk. I'll see off in ten." I informed him.  
"Okay, Rae-Rae. I love you, see ya soon."  
"I love you, too." I hung up the call, and then I ran upstairs.  
When I walked back into my bedroom, I turned around my mirror, Finn's voice stuck in my head, reminding myself that he thinks that I'm beautiful. Finn Nelson, the hottest guy in Lincolnshire, thinks that I'm beautiful _and_ gorgeous! Walking over to my wardrobe, I got out my _Oasis_ t-shirt that I was supposed to wear at Knebworth, as well as a grey long-sleeved t-shirt. Pulling out a pair of faded blue jeans and then I walked over to the bed, laying the clothes onto it and then I got out some underwear from my draw. Quickly changing out of my pyjamas, I changed into my clothes, and then I picked up a brush, brushing through my hair. Taking a deep breath, I turned the full-length mirror back around to face me, and I was shocked. I had colour in my face again, I looked happy, and I looked… normal. I _felt_ beautiful. This was the effect that Finn had on me. My gaze dropped to my neck. More specifically, my necklace. The one that Finn bought me. Running my fingertip along the _f_, I smiled to myself, closing my eyes, remembering the time that he gave me the necklace. We were so happy and so carefree in that moment. It was the weekend that Finn had told me that he wanted to marry me someday. And then an image flashed into my head. I imagined walking down the aisle, my arm link around Karim's, as we walked down. Finn was standing at the end of the aisle, and he turned around, and his eyes lit up. As I opened my eyes, I noticed in my reflection, that I had a wide smile across my lips, and my cheeks were red as I blushed. Sighing slightly, with happiness, I found a clip on my side table, and I twisted my fringe with my index finger, and then I clipped my fringe back. I walked out of my bedroom, and then I walked into the bathroom.

* * *

I arrived at the café ten minutes later, and then I walked inside, seeing that Finn was sitting at a booth near the back. Smiling to myself, I adjusted the bags strap from my rucksack, and then I walked over to him,  
"Hi." I said quietly.  
Finn's head shot up, and his eyes lit up, and he stood up, hugging me tightly,  
"Hey." He sighed in relief.  
I breathed in his scent, and then we both pulled out of our embrace. Sitting down on the same side of the booth, I then rested my head gently against his shoulder, taking hold of his hand,  
"I feel silly for missin' ya so much. I jus' like wakin' up to ya." I confessed.  
Finn kissed the top of my head softly,  
"You ain't silly, Rae-Rae. I woke up today and…" He sighed softly. "I felt so fuckin' alone. I-I felt the same way you did. Trust me."  
Snuggling into Finn's side, I sighed in relief, thankful that it wasn't just me,  
"I brought ya some of my perfume…" I trailed off, looking up at Finn.  
He looked down at me,  
"Oh yeah?"  
I nodded,  
"Hmm. Thought ya could smell it if ya miss me."  
Finn smiled,  
"Funny. Ah did the same thing."  
A wide smile appear on my face,  
"Really?"  
He nodded smiling,  
"Mhm."  
Finn picked up his backpack and he pulled out a bottle of his CK One. I smiled to myself, as he handed me the bottle. Taking it from him I grinned big, and then I pulled out my Cap Nature Fruit Rogue Yves Rocher perfume bottle, handing it to Finn. He examined the bottle, before lifting the lid and he took a sniff, closing his eyes and he then exhaled slowly in happiness,  
"The smell behind my baby. Finally."  
Blushing slightly, I nudged him and a waitress him,  
"Hi, can I take your order?"  
I looked up at her,  
"Um…"  
"Two bacon sandwiches, please." Finn ordered.  
I couldn't help but feel something hit me inside. Jealousy? It was unusual for me. What did I have to be jealous of with this complete stranger? I mean, apart from the fact that she was amazingly thin and flawlessly beautiful. Any smile that was on my face, dropped from my face. The waitress glanced down at me,  
"And to drink?"  
"U-Uh…" I swallowed slowly. "Instead of a bacon sandwich, can I just have a fruit salad, please?"  
I glanced at Finn, my cheeks burning red as I did, noticing that his eyebrows were furrowing together in confusion. Quickly looking back at the waitress, I added,  
"And flavoured water to drink, please."  
The girl nodded and she walked away, scribbling it down onto her notepad. Clearing his throat, I looked at Finn, as he scratched his cheek watching me,  
"Fruit salad, eh? This in't about our conversation this morning, is it?"  
I swallowed slowly and I plastered a fake smile onto my face, shaking my head,  
"Nope. Just fancied a change." I lied. _Just want to lose weight, more like._ My mind chimed in, making me mentally roll my eyes. Finn took hold of my hand and he wrote across my palm: _I LOVE YOU. _I couldn't help but smile to myself, and as my eyes met his, I mouthed,  
"I love you too."  
I noticed that Finn swallowed, before he leaned in and he kissed my lips gently once,  
"I missed doin' that last night." He murmured against my lips.  
I closed my eyes feeling his lips against mine, and I sighed softly in relief,  
"I missed doin' that as well, Finn. I really missed you."  
"Look at us." Finn smiled against my lips. "A bunch of sappy sods."  
I gasped, opening my eyes and I raised my eyebrows at him,  
"I believe that's my life."  
Finn smirked, pulling away from my lips and taking my hand in his,  
"I know. That's why I took it from ya." He winked at me, and I couldn't help but laugh at him, rolling my eyes playfully. Finn grinned at me, and I returned the grin, as the waitress made her way over to our table, setting my flavoured water and Finn's cup of tea in front of us,  
"Cheers." Finn said politely, his eyes not leaving mine.  
My heart skipped a beat. _He didn't even glance at her!_ My insides jumped with glee. I tried to hide my smile, but I was failing. Finn began to draw random shapes across my thigh, and everything began to feel normal. Everything felt right again. I was with Finn. My drug. My boyfriend. My comfort blanket. He was everything to me, and the thought of not being by his side 24/7, was weird. Unnatural, even. I sighed happily,  
"This is nice." I admitted.  
Finn nodded, licking his lips,  
"Yeah it is." He stroked his thumb along my knuckles. "Ah wonder what the gang's gonna say when we see 'em tomorrow."  
I let out a laugh,  
"'Mummy and daddy have decided to have some space?'" I teased.  
Finn burst out laughing, shaking his head,  
"Awe, Rae-Rae. Ya make me laugh!"  
I smiled big at him,  
"Wednesday I've gotta go to Izzy's! Girl's night in."  
"Ah yeah. Better make plans with Chopper and Archers then." Finn nodded.  
"Don't have too much fun without me."  
He rolled his eyes at me, smiling,  
"It'll be no fun without you."  
I paused for a few seconds and then I gasped,  
"Finn? We're acting like a long-term couple. We're one of _those_ people!"  
Finn raised his eyebrows at me,  
"What people?"  
"Those couples that are like—obsessed with each other! Do we wanna be that sorta couple?" I asked him.  
He grinned at me,  
"Whatever couple it is that loves spending time with his girlfriend, and he never wants it to end, then we're that couple."  
I smiled at Finn, my cheeks burning hot. The waitress came across again, and before I could even stop it, I rolled my eyes; making Finn raise his eyebrows at me.  
"Enjoy your meals." The waitress said politely.  
"Yeah, yeah." I mumbled under my breath.  
Finn cleared his throat slightly,  
"Cheers." He said; his gaze fixed on me.  
Picking up my fork, I began to play with my food. Glancing at Finn, I sighed, looking over at him fully,  
"What?"  
"Don't 'what' me, Rae. What's up with ya?"  
"She was interrupting a nice moment!" I said defensively.  
Finn chuckled lightly,  
"Should stop takin' leaves outta my book, Rae-Rae."  
I inwardly sighed in relief, thankful that he believed what I had said. The truth was, I was feeling insecure. Sure, he was my boyfriend, but it didn't mean that Finn couldn't change his mind. Taking hold of my hand, Finn stroked my knuckles with his thumb, as we both ate in silence. It was nice. This moment, the company, the silence, everything.

* * *

After we ate, I turned my body to face Finn, as the waitress came over and she took away our plates and our empty glasses.  
"So, babe. What did ya mum get ya from her holiday?"  
"She got me a travel Walkman." I grinned. "Like yours!" I squealed.  
Finn chuckled softly and he grinned back at me,  
"Awe babe, that's awesome!"  
"Yeah! I've been listenin' to ya SAR tape none-stop!" I admitted.  
Finn's grin widened and he leaned forward, kissing my lips softly once and then he sighed happily,  
"God, I love you, Rachel Earl."  
Rolling my eyes playfully, I grinned at him,  
"I love you too, Finn Nelson."  
"What're you doin' today?" He asked me.  
I shrugged,  
"I dunno." I confessed. "I have a session with Kester at eleven, so I guess I'll go to that, and then I'll just find somethin' to do." I shrugged.  
"Want me to take ya, Rae-Rae?"  
I shook my head,  
"No, Finn, it's fine." I smiled at him. "Really."  
Rolling his eyes, Finn pulled me closer to him,  
"I'm takin' ya."  
"If you're sure?" I asked him, looking up at him.  
Finn nodded, kissing my forehead softly,  
"Ah'm sure, Rae." He smiled at me.  
I smiled back at him, and then I rested my head against his shoulder gently.

* * *

At 10:20 a.m. Finn and I made our way out of the café, and then we walked over to Finn's dad's car. Letting go of my hand, Finn jogged around to the driver's side, and he unlocked the car doors, and the both of us climbed in. After fastening our seatbelts, Finn set off driving, and then I looked over at him,  
"You don't have to wait, Finn. I really don't mind walkin' home. I actually like walkin' home after my sessions."  
Finn glanced at me, his eyebrows furrowed together,  
"I promised ya that I'd be there for ya, Rae-"  
"I know." I cut in. "And you are here for me, Finn. But really, I don't mind walkin'."  
He stared ahead and then he sighed,  
"Ya promise?" He mumbled, and by the tone of his voice, I could tell that he wasn't happy about it.  
"Mhm, positive." I moved slightly, getting comfy in my seat. "So what're you doin' today?"  
Finn turned left at the junction,  
"Jus' gonna hang with my dad. Get some quality father/son time."  
I smiled to myself,  
"That sounds fun, Finnypoo."  
"Tons." He replied sarcastically, a small chuckle leaving his lips as he did.  
I smiled bigger and then I rolled my eyes playfully. Finn glanced at me,  
"Is it alright if I call ya tonight?"  
I looked at him and I smiled, nodding,  
"Course it's alright, Finn."  
He smiled at me, and then he turned his attention back to the road. We arrived at the hospital about ten minutes later, and Finn pulled up outside of the entrance. As I unbuckled my seatbelt, I heard him sigh,  
"Are ya sure you're alright walkin', Rae? Ah don't feel comfortable leavin' you 'ere."  
I looked at him and I nodded,  
"I'm positive, Finn." Leaning over, I kissed his cheek softly. "I love you. Thanks for the ride." I opened my passenger side door.  
"Rae?" Finn called.  
Stopping in my tracks, one of my legs out of the door, I turned to him,  
"Yeah?"  
"I love you, too." Finn smiled.  
I returned his smile and then I climbed out of the car, and then I closed the door and I waved Finn off, before turning around, adjusting my backpack on my shoulders, and then I walked inside the hospital.

* * *

"So, Rae. How're you doin'?" Kester asked me, lighting up a cigarette.  
I shrugged slightly, my arms crossed over my chest, as I slumped in my seat.  
Kester's eyebrows arched up slightly in surprise,  
"Y'seem a little… different from the last time I saw you." He thought back. "I'm guessing that Finn has gone back home?" I nodded silently, and Kester gave me a warm smile. "And how's that going for you? How're you doing going back to the old ways?"  
I shrugged again, turning my attention out of the window, staring at the cloudy blue sky. I heard Kester shift in his seat, and then I heard him blow out the smoke from his mouth,  
"I don't like it when you're like this, Rae. When you're silent, I know that something's bothering you. I feel like we're taking steps backwards when you get like this. You can open up to me."  
I sighed softly, licking my lips and I looked back at Kester,  
"I feel like shit." I confessed.  
Kester nodded,  
"And why do you feel that way?"  
"Because I miss it all." I admitted, my voice quiet. "It's just the little things."  
"Like what?"  
I sighed again, and I shrugged,  
"I miss wakin' up to him, fallin' asleep with him, feelin' his presence."  
He nodded at me, signalling that he followed,  
"Young love, eh?" He chuckled slightly. When he realised that I wasn't even smiling, he cleared his throat and he took another drag of his cigarette, blowing out the smoke. "Alright." He said. "I know it's tough now, Rae. I know that you probably think it's unfair that he had to go back home, but it isn't your own place, is it? It's your mum's. And now that she's returned home, you don't need Finn there to keep you company." I scoffed, and Kester raised his eyebrows at me,  
"You disagree?"  
I shrugged slightly,  
"I feel like I _am_ going backwards." I confessed.  
Leaning his elbows against his thighs, he leaned forward,  
"What do you mean?"  
"I woke up this morning, and I had these… thoughts in my head."  
"What kind of thoughts?"  
I looked down at my hands, playing with my fingers as I did,  
"That I'm fat." I admitted. "Last night, I got the thoughts that Finn is only with me for some bet. That the bet was to-" I cut myself off and my eyes travelled up to meet Kester's. He nodded encouragingly at me. "That the bet was to sleep with me and then he gets the money." I felt my cheeks burn a dark, crimson red colour.  
Kester scratched his right cheek, before he cleared his throat,  
"Rae, I think what your problem is, is that you can't accept that there are people out there, that accept you for exactly who you are. I think you still consider yourself as a mental case. Which isn't true at all. You've improved a lot, Rae, and it's because of these friends that you hang around with, and Finn, your boyfriend, that you have improved. Rae, I understand why these thoughts have come into your head, and I think both you and I have realised, that Finn is your distraction from these thoughts. You need to find another way of getting rid of them, because you can't be around Finn all the time. It's not healthy." He paused for a few seconds. "What were these thoughts that came to your head?"  
I looked down again,  
"That he doesn't love me. That he's gonna get bored of me. That maybe… maybe he finally will be able to look at other girls and question why he's with me."  
Kester stared at me,  
"He says he loves you, Rae. Maybe you should believe him,"  
"What if he's changed his mind?" I asked quickly, fear showing in my voice.  
"You need to learn to trust, Rae. You lack that often."  
I rolled my eyes at him.  
"Whenever you get these thoughts in your head, drown them out. Read a book, listen to some music, or do something that reminds you of Finn. He loves you, Rae. And the moment you start to accept that, the moment they'll go away."  
I looked out of the window again, and then a few seconds later, I looked at him.


	2. Chapter 2

When I arrived home from therapy, I walked through the front door, and I sighed deeply, taking my bag off my shoulders, dropping it by the shoes that were lying. Walking straight upstairs, I walked straight into my bedroom and I sat down on my bed. Sighing deeply, I stared at the blank wall ahead, trying to figure out everything that Kester and I had talked about today. Maybe I did need distractions. Distractions that didn't require annoying Finn all the time. I rolled my eyes at how pathetic I sounded. This was our first day apart, and I couldn't do it. We had already broken it, by having breakfast together this morning. _I bet he laughed when he hung up the phone. I bet he told his dad how whiny and annoying you started. And I bet he laughed even harder, telling his dad that you cried down the phone to him._ My chest tightened, as I gasped as the thoughts entered my mind, closing my eyes tightly as they did. I swallowed thickly, shaking my head fast as I listened to them,  
"No." I whispered. "Finn loves me. Finn cares. He was the one that offered to see each other this morning, not me. He was the one that told me he'd always be here for me. He loves me. My thoughts are wrong."  
It was like a mantra that I had just created; ready to tell myself this for the rest of the day. Looking around my room, I tried to find something, something interesting to do. _But what? _I asked myself. Sighing slightly, I stood up, walking over to my desk, and I sat down, skimming my fingertips over my diary. _Is it worth it?_ I wondered. I bit my lip, closing my eyes, and I sighed deeply, shaking my head as my answer. Looking to the right of my diary, I smiled to myself, noticing the Polaroid's that Finn and I had taken in the two weeks of living together. I smiled bigger, picking up the Polaroid's from the field. Biting my lip slightly, my smile was widening into a grin, noticing how happy we looked. Giggling slightly at the Polaroid of Finn and I kissing. We looked so happy, and even now, we were. Things were just different. The sooner I realised that, it was probably better. There was a knock at my bedroom door. Snapping my head towards the door, I set the Polaroid's back down onto my desk,  
"Come in." I called.  
As the door opened, my eyebrows lifted with surprise, seeing Chloe walk in. she smiled at me, and I stood up, tucking my hair behind my hair,  
"Chloe, hi! What're you doin' here?" I asked, unable to hide the shock in my voice.  
She shrugged, stuffing her hands into her jeans pockets,  
"Jus' come to see ya." She smiled.  
_More like come to see if I've fallen apart because Finn has gone home._ I thought to myself. Plastering a smile onto my face, I motioned her to come fully inside, which made her slide one of her hands out of her pockets, as she shut the door behind her. Walking over to my bed, she took a seat, and then I made my way over, sitting down beside her; but resting my back against the wall.  
"So what've you been up to?" Chloe asked me, turning her body to face me, crossing her legs on my bed.  
I looked at her, playing with my fingers, and I shrugged slightly,  
"I've been to see Kester today." I admitted. "My therapist." I explained.  
Chloe smiled at me, and it seemed friendly. But knowing her long enough, and being able to read people easily, I knew it was filled with sympathy,  
"And how did that go?"  
I hesitated, as I thought about it. How _did_ it go? I was silent. I was distant. I barely spoke. I sounded like the old Rae. The Rae before she left the hospital. The Rae I didn't particularly like. I nodded slowly,  
"Okay." I lied.  
I watched her take a deep breath,  
"Y'know I'm always here for you, right?" Chloe's voice sounded concerned, and also worried at the same time.  
I pursed my lips together and I nodded,  
"Yeah, I know you are."  
She let out a sigh of relief,  
"Good. And so is Izzy. Hell, we all are. We all jus' wanna be there for ya."  
I furrowed my eyebrows together,  
"Have ya all been talkin' about me when I ain't there?" My heart began hammering with fear. I didn't want them talking about me behind my back. What were they saying? Was it all good? All bad? All bitchy? Did Chloe make up some shit to make me look bad?  
Chloe's eyes widened,  
"What? No! No, no, no, no!" Her voice sounded desperate. Desperate for me to believe her. _Fat chance._ I scoffed to myself. "I-I was just sayin', Rae! I don't want ya scared to talk to us all! You were so brave at your mum and Karim's weddin', and I don't want ya thinkin' that you can't talk to us!"  
I swallowed slowly, nodding, not really believing her. Licking my lips, I cleared my lips,  
"Well, thanks for the…" I paused, trying to find the right word. "Concern. But that's what Finn and Kester are for." I gave her a smile. But not just any smile. A sarcastic smile.  
Chloe dropped her gaze to my bedroom floor. But not just anywhere. She was looking at the spot that once had a bloodstain on it. _My _bloodstain. My heart continued to hammer through my chest, and then I swallowed again,  
"Chloe?" I said softly.  
Snapping her head back to me, she nodded,  
"Yeah?"  
"Do you think Finn loves me?" I asked. _Great._ I said to myself._ I was crumbling in front of Chloe. She was the last person that deserved to see me fall apart.  
_Chloe was taken back by my question. Furrowing her eyebrows together in confusion,  
"What? Of course he does! What makes ya say that?" She narrowed her eyes at me. "Has he said somethin' to you, Rae?"  
I shook my head quickly,  
"No." As Chloe continued to stare at me, I could tell that I had answered a little _too_ quickly, because she didn't look convinced at all. Clearing my throat, I looked away from her. "I jus'… sometimes…" I started, slowly moving my gaze to meet Chloe's, whom was nodding encouragingly at me. "Sometimes I get these… these thoughts. And sometimes I can't block 'em out. And then I start to believe them."  
Chloe sighed, shaking her head,  
"Rae, Finn loves you. He's head over heels over you, and that's rare for him. Archie told me the other day." I smiled to myself, looking down at my lap. "Whatever these thoughts are saying, you need to block them out, somehow. Whatever it takes, just get rid of them. Because there is no way that I'm letting yours and Finn's relationship crumble, because you're believing these stupid thoughts over the truth. Understood?" I looked up at her and I nodded. Smiling at me, Chloe shuffled closer to me, and she threw her arms around my neck, hugging me. Hugging her back, I sighed in relief,  
"Thanks, Chloe."  
Pulling out of the hug, she smiled at me,  
"That's what best friends are for." Shifting to the end of the bed, she stood up. "But," she sighed, "this is where I suck again, cause I gotta go."  
I nodded smiling at her,  
"It's fine – go. I've got stuff to do anyway."  
Glancing over at my desk, she then looked back at me smiling, and she nodded,  
"Alright." Walking over to my bedroom door, she opened it up and then she turned to me. "If ya ever need to talk, just phone me, yeah?"  
I nodded again, standing up from my bed also. I watched Chloe walk out of my bedroom and close the door behind her. I walked back over to my desk, sitting down, and then I picked up the Polaroid's again. Running my fingertips gently over the picture of Finn and I sitting side by side on the grass, smiling at the camera, I didn't even realise my own smile appearing onto my lips. I picked up the Polaroid of Finn kissing my cheek softly, and I ran my fingertips over my own features; memorising how happy _I_ looked to be there with Finn. And remembering that day, it was true. I _was_ happy that day. Heck, I was _every_ single day with Finn. I could be happy now. I could be. I just needed to find something to make me excited, and something to make me feel like I was dependent on Finn. I didn't wanna be _that_ girl. Picking up a pen, I began to bounce the end of it against my diary, as I thought. _What could I do? What could motivate me so much to make all these thoughts disappear?_ I looked around my room and I shrugged slightly,  
"S'pose I could give my room a makeover." I mumbled out loud.  
There was a soft tap against my bedroom door. Looking over at the door again, I got a sense of déjà vu,  
"Yeah?" I called.  
The door opened and my mum walked inside,  
"Hi, love. You alright?" She asked me, her face filled with concern.  
I gave her a small smile and I nodded,  
"Yeah."  
"That's good. Have you eaten at all today?"  
I nodded again, licking my lips,  
"Yeah, I had breakfast with Finn at the café in the main street."  
My mum nodded at me,  
"Okay, good. You want some lunch?"  
I glanced at the alarm clock on my side table: 2:45 p.m. _I guess she wasn't that late._ I told myself. Looking back at her, I gave her another small smile shaking my head,  
"Nah, I'm alright."  
My mum's eyes softened,  
"Rachel you need to eat."  
"I'm not hungry." I admitted.  
"I know that you're missing having Finn here, and-"  
"I'm just not hungry, mum!" I snapped at her, rolling my eyes.  
Taken back by my sudden attitude, she closed her mouth, nodding,  
"Okay then." She replied, before walking out of my bedroom and closing the door behind her.  
Sighing deeply, I flipped open my diary and I picked up my pen.

_Dear Diary,  
Mood: Annoyed. Why? Because everyone is  
treading on eggshells around me, because Finn has  
gone home. Yes, the both of us are really upset about it,  
but they're making it out like he's fucking dead or  
something! Which he isn't! He's just back to living in  
his house again! I am sick and tired of everyone thinking  
that I'm incapable of being on my own. I'm not. Not anymore.  
But they don't need to know that. That's my own little  
secret. They don't need to know everything. I deserve  
a few secrets to myself. Just one or two. Not many. I feel  
like I'm now moving backwards with therapy. I might make  
myself a countdown. Maybe I should count down how long  
it takes for me to breakdown. Like, really breakdown, without  
Finn here. I'm predicting Thursday. That's when I'll go fucking  
insane. After the bloody sleepover with Izzy and Chloe, which I  
need to find out the details about tomorrow at the pub. I don't  
even fancy it. I just want to curl up in my bed for the next few  
days, and try to make myself feel better. Not go round to Izzy  
or Chloe's house and discuss boys; making me miss Finn more.  
What's gonna happen? Knowing me, I'll end up fucking crying. I'll  
end up being that girl. That, or I'll end up phoning him when I'm  
drunk; -which I'm gonna have to be to get through this  
fucking sleepover-. I've never been to an all girl's sleepover.  
Only over at Chloe's, but that doesn't count. Not really.  
I don't know what to expect. What do I bring with me? Alcohol?  
Makeup? Nail varnish? What? Ugh, I'm so fucking helpless!  
I can't even do girly things and I'm a fucking girl!  
Why the fuck does Finn even love me? Why does he even  
like me? I'm not girly - I'm a boy. I'm one of the boys.  
Chop made that perfectly clear when we were talking about  
Knebworth that time at the pub. The fucker. I need to be  
girly. I need to figure out what the fuck happens at a  
girl's sleepover. And I need to play the part._

_ I'm scared, diary. And I don't even know why. I feel like  
the gang are talking about me behind my back. I feel like  
they pity me when I'm not there. I've felt that way, ever since  
the wedding. Since my speech. When Chop mentioned Tix  
the other day, he had a sympathetic look on his face, and I felt  
like he was pitying me. They're not the same with me. they pretend  
that they are, but I can feel them slipping away from me. I feel  
like only Chloe (ironically), and Finn, are the only two that  
are still the same as before. I mean, Archie's still  
Archie, Chop's still Chop and Izzy's still Izzy, but I feel like  
they're watching me. Like, __really__ watching me. Scared  
if I'll breakdown, or lash out on them. Scared that I'll  
just suddenly turn crazy on them. I'm not crazy. Anymore.  
I'm me again. I'm back to the way I was. Well, I was up  
until yesterday. When my world came crashing down. Diary,  
I need a hobby. I thought about changing my room around,  
but there's seriously no point. Mum'll have a fit, and a  
long lecture about how she's not made of money, blah, blah,  
blah, and that if I really wanted my room redecorating,  
then maybe I should do the grownup thing, and get a job.  
Which she can fuck off, because there is no fucking chance  
that I'm getting a job. Not right now. Not while I'm still trying  
to figure myself, and my future out. I need to figure out what I  
actually want to do when I leave school. I need to figure out if  
I even want to go to sixth form, if I want to get a job, or to figure  
something else out. I need to find out what Finn wants to do.  
Because I don't want to force him to go back to sixth form for my  
own selfish reasons, of wanting to see him more every day. Of  
wanting to be able to sneak secret kisses during classes, by getting  
permission to leave class, or stealing him away from everyone else  
at lunch, so we can have some alone time. I want to support his  
decisions. I want to be a supportive girlfriend for Finn._

_I'm going to go and call Tixie, anyway, diary._

Closing my diary and setting my pen down on top of it, stood up and I walked out of my bedroom, walking downstairs, and I walked straight over to the house phone. Picking it up and dialling Tix's room number, which I had asked the reception for the last time I was there, I pressed the phone against my ear, waiting for an answer.  
"Hello?" Tix answered softly after a couple of rings.  
A smile appeared instantly on my face,  
"Hey, Fatty."  
"Rae!" I could hear the smile in Tix's voice. "I'm so glad you called, I missed you!" She beamed down the line.  
I let out a small laugh,  
"I missed you, too."  
"How are you?" She asked me, her voice turning soft again. I knew what she was referring to. And for the first time, I was going to be honest. Sighing softly, I turned my back to the living room,  
"Tixie, I'm a mess." I admitted.  
"What? Why? Rae, what's wrong?"  
I looked down at the ground,  
"I feel like a mess. I'm 16 and I'm fuckin' obsessed with my boyfriend! I miss 'im, Tix! I miss him bein' here, I miss 'im livin' here! I feel lonely now he ain't 'ere, and I hate it, cause I keep gettin' these thoughts in my head!"  
"Again?" Tix asked quietly.  
I nodded,  
"Yeah." I replied.  
"Just count to ten, Rae."  
I swallowed slowly,  
"That doesn't work anymore, Tixie." I admitted quietly.  
I heard her sigh down the line,  
"Then you need a distraction."  
I rolled my eyes,  
"Yeah, that seems to be everyone's advice." I mumbled.  
"Well… we need to find you a-a-a…" She sighed. "Whatdoyoucallit?" She asked me.  
I let out a laugh,  
"Y'mean a hobby?" I asked her.  
"Yeah! That's what I mean!"  
I laughed, and I heard Tix giggle down the line. I let out a sigh after I calmed down,  
"But what?"  
"Ummmm… I'm not sure." Tix admitted. "But you'll find something."  
I nodded,  
"I s'pose. Right, I'll let you get off, I'm sorry for being so morbid."  
"It's okay, Rae, I like talking to you."  
I smiled to myself,  
"I love you, Tixie."  
"I love you too, Rae."  
I hung up the call, and then I sighed to myself, looking over my shoulder, to see that Karim and mum were cuddled up on the sofa, watching TV. Smirking to myself, I remembered my conversation with Finn the other day about the sofa. Quickly dropping my smirk, I rushed upstairs and back into my room, closing the door behind me. Resting my back against the door, I closed my eyes and I sighed deeply, trying to stop the adrenaline that had unexpectedly risen. Once I had regained my normal breathing, I walked away from my bedroom door, and I walked over to my stereo, turning on the CD player, listening to _Oasis_ as it began to play softly in the background. Smiling to myself, I took a deep breath, the calmness flooding over me. In this moment, I was calm.

* * *

It was now 9 p.m. I was bored, I was tired, and I had nothing else better to do. Curling up in my bed, I was laying on my side facing the wall. My hand was resting under my cheek against the pillow, as my mind was filled with thoughts. What was going to happen tomorrow at the pub? My mind drifted off to the thought of seeing Finn tomorrow…

_I walked into the pub and Finn was standing at the jukebox, picking out a song. I smiled instantly, making my way over to him. He glanced over in my direction, and his eyes lit up, his hands dropping from the buttons,_  
_"Rae!" He grinned big.  
Stopping at his side, he wrapped his arms around me instantly, and tightly, stuffing his face into my neck,  
"Ah missed ya." He murmured into my neck.  
I giggled, hugging him back just as tightly,  
"Ya gonna lose ya money if ya don't choose a song." I grinned.  
Chuckling slightly, Finn pulled out of our embrace, cupping my face and he pecked my lips softly. Moving me so I was in front of him, Finn snaked his arms around my waist from behind, resting his chin on my right shoulder gently,  
"Pick a song, gorgeous. Ya can 'ave my 20p."  
I grinned bigger and I turned my head to look at him,  
"Again." I said cheekily.  
His eyes lit up again, as he grinned bigger,  
"Yes, again!"  
Giggling to myself, I blushed, and I turned my attention to the jukebox._

As the scene faded out of my mind, a wide grin spread across my face. Closing my eyes tight shut, I bit my lip,  
"Please, please, pleeeeeease let that happen tomorrow!" I begged quietly.  
My heart was pounding as I moved to get comfortable. I was excited. Excited for tomorrow, excited to see Finn and excited to just be with him. I let out a quiet, excited squeal, before my brain allowed me to drop off into a deep slumber.


	3. Chapter 3

The morning dragged from the second I woke up. It felt like months had dragged by, instead of hours. But it was _finally_ noon, and I was _finally_ seeing Finn again. My heart was racing with excitement, as I walked through the pub doors. I was wearing my _The Rolling Stones_ t-shirt, with a grey long-sleeved shirt underneath it, my dark blue jeans, my converses and my leather jacket. My hair was down, but my fringe was clipped back to the side. Adjusting my bag straps on my shoulder, I looked around and I noticed Finn at the jukebox. My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, as I tried to figure out if it were just a coincidence that it was the same scene as my imagination last night. Swallowing slowly, I walked over to him, and I smiled big when he glanced over at me and his eyes lit up,  
"Rae!" He beamed at me, throwing his arms around me tightly.  
Hugging him back instantly, I noticed that Finn stuffed his face into my neck as we hugged,  
"I missed you." I breathed out.  
He nodded,  
"I missed you too, Rae-Rae." He murmured against my neck, before kissing it softly.  
My heart was hammering by the time he pulled out of the embrace reluctantly; he then took my hand,  
"Ya wanna choose a song, Rae-Rae?"  
My eyes lit up with excitement, as the conclusion came to me, that I was getting the imagination that I had last night. I nodded as he moved me in front of the jukebox, and then he wrapped his arms around melt waist from behind, and he rested his chin against my right shoulder,  
"You can have me 20p again."  
I giggled and I looked over at the song selection, trying to figure out which song Finn would like me to pick. And then it came to me. I looked through the lists and I chose **Blur**'s _She's So High_. Finn kissed my cheek softly,  
"Mmm, good choice, baby."  
I grinned instantly,  
"Thanks, Finnypoo."  
I heard him sigh happily behind me, and then I leaned into him, as I felt Finn sway the both of us side to side. I could feel myself melting in his arms,  
"I missed you so much, Rae-Rae." He sighed softly in my ear.  
I nodded closing my eyes,  
"I know how you feel." I admitted.  
"Have ya had anymore, y'know? Anymore thoughts, baby?" He asked me.  
I opened my eyes and then I opened my mouth to speak, ready to let him know everything, when we were cut off,  
"Raemundo! What're ya doin' over 'ere? We're all sittin' at our usual table!"  
I looked over at Chop, trying to keep myself calm, and I smiled at him nodding,  
"O-Okay."  
"Chopper, give us a sec, yeah?" Finn said, looking over at him.  
Rolling his eyes, he laughed,  
"Ya've not been together for one day and you're already over each other? Nah, come on, man! Ya drink's waitin' for ya!"  
"Chop, just give us two-"  
"Finny Boy! Ya said that t'me like ten minutes ago! Archers wants to talk to us bout-"  
"Chop!" Finn sighed, making me jump slightly.  
Chop was taken back slightly, and he nodded,  
"O-Okay, mate. No need t'shout!"  
"Well maybe if ya'd fuckin' listen for a change. Ah need t'talk to Rae about somethin' important. We'll be over, alright?"  
Nodding, he smiled apologetically at me,  
"Aight, mate."  
As Chop walked away, I turned in Finn's grip, raising my eyebrows at him, and he scoffed,  
"Don't gimme that look, Rae-Rae. You're more important than whatever Archie's gotta say."  
I smiled slightly, my cheeks burning slightly. Taking hold of my hand, Finn walked over to a table of two, the both of us sitting down on the seats. He rested our entwined hand on the table, and then he reached out for my other, holding it too. I could feel Izzy and Chloe's gaze on me, from their table, and I tried to ignore it. When Finn caught on, he glanced at where the gang was sitting, and then he looked back at me, smiling small at me,  
"You were sayin', Rae-Rae?"  
I bit my lip and my gaze fell to the table, focusing on the way that Finn's thumbs stroked over my knuckles softly,  
"Ah've been…" I swallowed slowly. "Gettin' more thoughts." I admitted.  
When I looked up reluctantly to meet Finn's gaze, I noticed that he had a frown on his face,  
"What kinda thoughts?" He asked me, softly.  
"Are you bored of me?" I blurted out.  
Finn's eyes widen, taken back by my question,  
"Ya what?"  
"Are you bored of me? Be serious."  
I watched him shake his head,  
"Of course ah'm not fuckin' bored of ya, Rae. Why would ah be?"  
I shrugged slightly, and I sighed, dropping my gaze down to the table again,  
"I dunno… my thoughts, they… they just enter my mind, and-and-and-"  
"Shhh…" Finn cooed; leaning over and he kissed my forehead softly, making me close my eyes once his lips touched my forehead. "I ain't bored of ya, Rae. I promise ya. How could ah be bored of you, eh?" He let out a small laugh. "You're fuckin' amazin', and ah love ya so much."  
I smiled to myself and I nodded slowly,  
"Thanks." I whispered softly. Opening my eyes, we stayed quiet for a few seconds, before I opened my mouth to speak. "Did you laugh when you hung up the call yesterday mornin'?" My cheeks were burning. I knew how ridiculous and stupid I probably sounded, but I needed to get rid of the taunting voices in my head.  
Finn shot me a look of annoyance, and he rolled his eyes,  
"Are ya bein' serious right now?" He asked me.  
I nodded, my face filled with embarrassment,  
"I-I gotta know, Finn. The voices. They-they-they-" I cut myself off and then I sighed deeply. "They're screamin' in my head all the time, and-"  
Finn pressed his index and middle finger gently against my lips to stop me,  
"Shh, baby. Stop." I looked at him closely. "Ya need to stop these thoughts in ya head."  
"I'm tryin', Finn, but-"  
"From wha' it sounds like, it seems like it was me that was stoppin' the thoughts. Am I right?" I nodded as my response to his question, and he nodded as well, taking it in. he sighed slightly, moving closer to the table and staring deeply into my eyes. "Ah'm always 'ere for ya, Rae. Don't ya get that? When you're alone and ya missin' me, I'm doin' the same thing. I missed ya none-stop yesterday. Ah wish ah was still at your house, loungin' around the house with ya, and listenin' to music, and goin' to the field. But I wasn't. I was at home. In my bed, listenin' to my music and doin' fuck all. I missed ya so much, and it killed me not havin' you beside me. Whenever you start feelin' like you're in a dark place, ah want ya to call me, yeah? Just pick up the phone and dial. An' ah'll be there as soon as ah can."  
I smiled small to myself,  
"Thanks, Finn." I sighed in relief, leaning over the table and kissing his lips softly once.  
"C'mon. Let's get some normality in us, yeah?" Finn smiled.  
I smiled and nodded, standing up and I let go of one of Finn's hands, then we walked over to the group. I sat down in between Chloe and Finn, Finn making sure he was as close to me as possible. I felt a nudge on my right, and turning my head, I saw that Chloe was looking at me,  
"You okay?" She mouthed to me.  
Nodding, I smiled at her,  
"Yeah." I mouthed back at her.  
Chop clapped his hands once, before sanding them together,  
"Right, guys! Now that mummy and daddy are now here," he gave Finn and I a sideways look, and when I looked at Finn, he was rolling his eyes, "Archers can tell us what he wanted to tell us!"  
I turned my attention to Archie, seeing that he was laughing nervously and adjusting his glasses slightly,  
"W-Well... Chop and Izzy told me to keep you all informed, so..." He paused nervously, glancing over at me and I gave him a friendly smile, nodding encouragingly at him. "I've got a date tonight."  
Izzy gasped loud, squealing, as she stood up and rushed over to Archie, throwing her arms around his neck,  
"Congratulations, Archie!"  
Archie smiled instantly, wrapping his arms around Izzy's small waist, and I couldn't help but hear the thoughts in my head again. _Look at her. She gorgeous. She's stick thin. She looks like a model. And look a Chloe, she's the next addition to Marie Claire. You said that, and you know it's true. And you? Ha, you look like a beached whale! And Finn says he loves you?_ There was an echo of loud laughter ringing in my head. I felt a nudge against my arm, and I snapped out of my daze, looking up at Finn,  
"Y'alright?" He mouthed to me.  
I opened my mouth to speak, but the laughter begun again. I quickly closed it, licking my lips and I stood up,  
"I'll be right back." I mumbled, rushing away from the table and over to the toilets. Once I was inside the girl's toilets, I rushed over to the sinks, and I rested my hands against the sink, looking down and taking deep breaths,  
"1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10." I recited quickly, and I let out a whimper, when I realised it wasn't working. "Come on, come on." I begged quietly. "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10." As I closed my eyes tight shut, I could feel my heart beating faster. My eyes opened wide, when I heard a pair of feet shuffling ever so slightly. Turning around, my heart was caught in my throat, as I saw Finn standing there,  
"Finn..."  
He shook his head, walking over to me, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me in closer to him. I stuffed my face into the crook of his neck, and I hugged him back, gripping the back of his shirt tightly.  
"You jealous that you an't got Archie's full attention now?" Finn joked quietly in my ear.  
I laughed in his neck and I sniffed, closing my eyes,  
"It's broken my heart." I joked back.  
Finn kissed the side of my head, and then he pulled out of the embrace, before taking hold of my _f_ necklace in his hand,  
"You're gonna need this." He murmured.  
Looking down at his hands, I furrowed my eyebrow together, before looking back up at him.  
"Whenever those bastard thoughts come into your head, you hold this. Squeeze it in between your fingers, and that tingling you'll get, it's me. Understood? I'm always there for you, Rae. I'm here. I'm this necklace. I promise you." He smiled up at me. "That's for when you're scared of annoying me, okay?"  
I nodded, my eyes glistening with tears, which made Finn lean forward and kiss my lips softly once.

* * *

The day was going pretty smoothly. It was now 3 p.m. and I was currently talking to both Izzy and Chloe. Finn, Archie and Chop, were in their own conversation.  
"So, Rae?" Izzy beamed.  
I let out a laugh, as both Chloe and I turned our attention to her,  
"Yeah, Iz?"  
"I've written down a checklist for us all to bring to Chloe's tomorrow, okay?" I nodded, smiling, and I watched her slide her hand into her jeans pocket and she pulled out a folded up piece of paper. Sliding it over the table, I noticed that this action, had caught Finn's attention; the both of us watching each other in the corner of my eyes. Smiling to myself, I nodded at Izzy, picking up the piece of paper and I unfolded it. "If you can't bring some of it, it's fine. They're not important."  
"DVDs?" I read off the list, looking up at Izzy, whom was nodding enthusiastically. "Okay, how girly are we talking?"  
Chloe let out a laugh,  
"_Very_ girly, Rae. We're wanting to cry during this sleepover."  
I opened my mouth to speak, but I was cut off,  
"Remind me why girls do that?" Finn asked the three of us, no longer being able to pretend that he wasn't listening. "I don't get that. Sleepovers are supposed to be fun."  
I looked at Finn, and I smiled, Finn smiling back at me; and then we both turned our attention to Izzy, who tutted,  
"Well, you see, Finn. Girls like to watch major girly and sappy love films, because these are the films that give us high expectations to what we want in a relationship."  
I looked back up at Finn, seeing that his face had dropped and he was staring blankly at Izzy. I leaned up to his ear,  
"Don't worry, Finnypoo. You've met my high expectations." I whispered softly in his ear.  
Pulling back slightly, I looked at him, seeing that he had a grin in his face, and his cheeks were blushing slightly. I opened my mouth to gush about it, but I knew that he wouldn't appreciate it. So instead, I moved my finger to his thigh, and I wrote: _BLUSHING_ along his thigh. I looked up at him and smirked, Finn's gaze on my thigh. He swallowed slowly and then he wrote: _SHUT IT_ along my thigh, and I let out a laugh, covering my mouth.  
"You two." Chloe shook her head smiling. "You're made for each other, I swear."  
My stomach did an unexpected flop when Finn wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me into him, with a wide grin on his face,  
"Ain't we just?"  
Izzy and Chloe nodded fast, grinning big at the two of us, but it was quickly interrupted,  
"Oi! Finny Boy! What the fuck you doin'? Ya supposed to be listenin' to this!"  
I shook my head, laughing, turning my attention back to the girls, as Finn turned back to his previous conversation.  
"Okay, so sleeping bag, DVDs, change of clothes, -obviously-, makeup." I looked up at Izzy, narrowing my eyes at her.  
She giggled,  
"Okay, cross that off your list if you don't want to bring any."  
"Chopper, I told ya, I'd be there!" He turned his attention to the conversation with myself and the girls. "Rae don't need that makeover thing again." He narrowed his eyes at Izzy. "Understood?"  
Izzy rolled her eyes and she grinned at Finn,  
"Okay, _dad_!"  
I let out a laugh, as did everyone else at the table. I looked up at Finn, to see him roll his eyes, and then he stuck his middle finger up at Chop,  
"Sort your girl out." He mumbled.

* * *

It was 4:30 p.m. and I was thankful that I had decided to pace myself tonight, because everyone except from myself, Finn and Archie, were wasted. We walked out of The Black Swan, and Izzy threw her arms around Archie,  
"Good luck, Arch! Knock 'im dead, yeah?!" She slurred.  
I looked at Archie, the both of us raising our eyebrows at each other, as Archie carefully patted her back,  
"Thanks, Iz. Chop?" He called, and Chop instantly stumbled over to Izzy and Archie, wrapping his arms around Izzy's waist and he moved her out of Archie's grip,  
"C'mon, Iz. Let's get ya home." He slurred, waving a lazy goodbye to everyone, before the two of them took off walking down the street.  
"Yeah, I'm off. Bye guys." Chloe slurred, stumbling the opposite direction to Chop and Izzy, and the three of us waved her a goodbye.  
Archie clapped his hands together once,  
"Right, I'm off."  
I hugged his neck and I kissed his cheek softly,  
"Good luck, Archers. He's gonna love ya!"  
"Hopefully not too much, though." Finn chimed in. "Otherwise that'll just be too obsessive, an' ya don't want that."  
I pulled out of the embrace, laughing at Finn's comment, and I gently slapped across his chest, making Finn chuckle. The two lads shook hands, and then Finn and I watched Archie walk in the same direction as Chloe. I turned to Finn,  
"And then there were two." He smiled.  
I grinned at him, moving closer to him and taking hold of his hand.  
"How about I walk ya home, the long way?" Finn offered, kissing the side of my head softly.  
"Mmm." I nodded. "Sounds perfect."  
Finn smiled wide, entwining our fingers together, as we followed after Archie's tracks, and I laid my head gently against his shoulder softly,  
"Today's been nice." I admitted.  
Finn nodded,  
"Yeah it is. I've liked seein' ya. Hate not seein' ya."  
I felt myself blush, as I smiled to myself,  
"I hate not seein' you too."  
"We should go on another proper date next week, yeah?"  
I looked up at him,  
"Really?" I asked him.  
Finn grinned down at me and he nodded,  
"Yeah!"  
"And where would we go?" I giggled.  
He shrugged,  
"Could go an' see a movie? But we'll eat at the caf first. How's that sound?"  
"It sounds great!" I admitted, with a wide grin on my face. "So what day?"  
"Next Wednesday?" Finn asked me.  
I nodded eagerly, and Finn chuckled softly, leaning down to kiss my lips softly once.  
We began to walk through the park, and Finn pulled me in closer to him. As we began to walk through the park, I sighed happily, snuggling myself into Finn's side. I could feel Finn stroking my knuckles with his thumb, like he always did, and I felt myself falling back into my Finn bubble. The bubble that surrounded me with silence from the outside world. The bubble that allowed me to focus on nothing else, but _my_ Finn. The single most important thing in my life. I felt myself feeling guilty about this truth. Because I had Tix. My best friend. But right now, I was in my Finn bubble. I promised myself that I'd go and see Tix tomorrow before the sleepover, and then I'd be fine. After making that promise, I felt every thought in my head slowly disappear. I was now, finally, fully in Finn's bubble. The way he moved beside me, the way I could hear his breathing louder than my own, and the way his hand pressed softly against mine, so that I could feel his pulse pumping. The thoughts gave me shivers, and then I smiled to myself, feeling Finn's eyes on me. Looking up at him, he furrowed his eyebrows together,  
"Y'cold, Rae-Rae?" He asked me softly.  
I was about to shake my head, when I quickly stopped, contemplating my answer. I looked over his body, noticing that he was wearing his usual leather jacket, as was I. If I said I was cold, would he do the cliche boyfriend thing, and wrap his jacket around my shoulders? Would he hug me? What? And as I thought more and more about my answer, I realised that I _was_ in fact, cold. Smiling up at him, I nodded,  
"A little." I admitted.  
"Mm, can't have that, can we?" He smiled, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and he pulled me as close to him as possible. Kissing the top of my head softly, Finn rubbed my arms softly, and I could feel my heart racing against his chest. After a minute, he stopped dead in his tracks, making me stop too. He unwrapped his arms from around me, the missing warmth making me shiver instantly. He took off his jacket, and then he wrapped his leather jacket around my shoulders. Gripping hold of where the zip part of his jacket was, I smiled to myself, taking in Finn's CK One deodorant, my ovaries starting to go crazy. Finn was watching me with a smile on his face, and then he slid a hand under his leather jacket, and he wrapped it around my waist. We continued to walk across the park, the silence taking over the sound of our shoes crunching against the grass.  
"So, how's ya mam and Karim?" Finn asked me, glancing down at me.  
I met his gaze and I smiled, nodding,  
"They're good. They went to Spain, and she's been talkin' none-stop about it." I let out a laugh. "Karim, bless 'im. He's been askin' me about music and shit, cause of the Walkman my mum got me, and he has no idea what ah'm talkin' about."  
Finn let out a huff of laughter of out his nose, and he grinned,  
"Can't kid ya way into good music knowledge like you an' me." He said softly.  
I nodded,  
"Told me mam that, and she told me ah wa' bein' difficult." I scoffed. "Told 'er to go an' listen to her _Take That_ albums an' say that again." I rolled my eyes.  
Finn tipped his head back and he barked out a laugh,  
"Oh, Rae-Rae, you crack me up!"  
A satisfied grin appeared on my face, as we walked out of the park.

* * *

When we arrived at my front door, I turned to Finn, both of our smiles falling slightly, my heart in my throat. Swallowing slowly, I leaned up and I kissed his lips softly once,  
"I love you." I said softly.  
Finn smiled down at me and he stroked my cheek softly,  
"I love you, too." He sighed slightly, the small hint of contentment changing the disappointed look on his face. "Jus' remember: I'm always a phone call away, yeah?"  
I smiled nodding at him,  
"I know, Finn. An' I 'ave ya necklace too."  
Finn smiled bigger, nodding eagerly,  
"Exactly, Rae-Rae."  
He cupped my cheeks in his hands, leaning forward, and he kissed my lips passionately once, the two of us jumping back when we heard the front door open. My mum's eyes were narrowed on Finn, as she cleared her throat. I sighed quietly, and I looked at my mum.  
"Rachel, inside." She ordered.  
Rolling my eyes, I looked sympathetically at Finn, who just nodded at me,  
"See ya soon, Rae-Rae." He looked at my mum. "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Bouchtat, I'm Finn Nelson." He smiled politely, holding out his hand for her to shake.  
My mum looked down at me, and then down at Finn's hand, before reaching for it and shaking it with a smile on her face,  
"Hello, Finn. I'm Linda, Rae's mum."  
Finn nodded and he smiled politely, the two of them dropping their hands,  
"Ah remember meetin' ya the day before your wedding."  
"I'd love to get to know you more over dinner sometime."  
My eyes widened, and my head snapped to my mum,  
"No you wouldn't." I said quickly.  
Finn scoffed, nudging me lightly,  
"Don't be like that, Rae-Rae. Ya've met my mum and dad."  
I sighed, folding my arms over my chest,  
"Fine." I mumbled.  
My mum smiled in satisfaction,  
"Wonderful. We'll be organising it soon enough. Now Rachel? In."  
Sighing, I nodded and turned to Finn,  
"I'll call ya before I go to Chloe's for the sleepover tomorrow, yeah?"  
Finn smiled and he nodded, leaning close to me and he kissed my cheek softly,  
"Alright. See ya on Thursday at the pub, yeah?"  
I smiled,  
"Definitely."  
"Remember, I'm always a phone call away."  
I rolled my eyes playfully,  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah."  
Finn chuckled softly,  
"Love you, Rae-Rae."  
"Love you too, Finnypoo." I smirked at him, as he narrowed his eyes at me.  
Looking over at my mum, Finn waved goodbye to her and then he walked down the driveway, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets and he walked down the street, glancing over his shoulder at me, and giving me a wink. Giggling to myself, I walked inside and my mum closed the door behind me. I looked at her, seeing that she was staring at me, and I scoffed,  
"What?" I asked her defensively.  
"He seems like a nice boy."  
I smiled to myself and I nodded,  
"He is." I said simply, before rushing upstairs and into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Walking over to my desk, I took a seat and I opened my diary.

_Dear Diary,  
Everything is amazing. Finn is amazing, today  
was amazing, and tomorrow is gonna be amazing with  
the girls. I'm actually getting excited to go! I can't wait  
to gush about how much of an amazing boyfriend Finn is  
to me. To be able to tell some of my girlfriends, how sweet  
and kind he really is, behind the rugger bugger attitude that  
he gives everyone else. I get to tell them that he's gentle  
and kind, (obviously not making him look like a sappy sod -  
even though he is). I'm so looking forward to just  
being a girl, and to have fun. Like I'm supposed to._

_And diary? That's all ya getting out of me today._


	4. Chapter 4

I was awoken the next day, by the sound of someone banging their fist against my bedroom door. Rolling onto my back, I groaned loudly and I rubbed my hands over my face to wake me up,  
"What?!" I shouted.  
"Rachel Earl, do not use that attitude with me!" My mum called on the other side.  
Rolling my eyes, I sat up and I sighed deeply,  
"What do you want, mother?" I asked her through my clenched teeth.  
"Can I come in? Are you decent?"  
I scoffed and rolled my eyes again,  
"Yes, I'm decent! Of course I'm decent!"  
"Alright, alright, just checking." She mumbled, as she walked into my bedroom and she closed the door behind her, walking over to my bed and she sat down. "I just wanted to talk to you about Finn."  
I furrowed my eyebrows together, my heart beginning to beat faster as I stared at her. _Oh fuck._ I thought to myself. _What could Finn have possibly said to make her not like him? He didn't say anything! He's fucking perfect!  
_"Okay…?" I said reluctantly.  
"What did he mean, when he said about only being a phone call away?" She asked me softly.  
I swallowed slowly, looking down at my hands, as I picked the end of my duvet,  
"Nothin'. Just that if I ever need to talk to anyone about the thoughts that come into my head, or if I'm jus' missin' him, I can call him. He told me not to feel like I'm bein' clingy or annoyin' or anything." I shrugged slightly, feeling my cheeks burn bright pink, as I looked back up at my mum.  
She smiled at me and nodded,  
"He's a good influence for you. I like him."  
_Could this be? The dragon has finally stamped something in my life as good? Fucking hell!_ I thought to myself. I smiled small at her,  
"Thanks."  
"Well, I'm off to work. Have fun at your sleepover tonight, yeah? And give my love to Chloe and her mum." I nodded, and my mum stood up squeezing my knee gently as she did. I watched her leave my bedroom, closing the door behind me, and then I sighed deeply climbing out of bed. _Time to see Tix._ I told myself. Walking my way over to my wardrobe, I found myself singing _Spaceman_ to myself, which when I realised, made me roll my eyes,  
"Gonna fuckin' kill Finn." I mumbled to myself.  
Even though the song _was_ annoying, Finn was right. It was _our_ song. And the thought made me smile, as I pulled out a pair of faded blue jeans, and _Rolling Stones_ t-shirt, as well as long-sleeved shirt. After getting out my underwear and changing into my clothes, I then made my way downstairs, grabbing a bowl out of the cupboard, and I poured myself a bowl of coco-pops. I noticed a piece of paper lying on the kitchen table. Furrowing my eyebrows together, I picked it up and read it:

_Just so you know, Rachel, Karim is at school today.  
When I say school, I mean down at the community  
centre. He's learning how to improve his English.  
He'll be home later on, so enjoy the house to yourself  
for a good few hours._

- _Mum. X_

I put the note back down, and then I quickly ate my bowl of cereal, washing up the bowl and spoon and then putting it all away, and when I made my way into the living room; the house phone rang. I walked over to the phone, picking it up,  
"Hello?"  
"Rae! It's Izzy!"  
I smiled,  
"Hey, Iz, what's up?"  
"I was just wondering if I told you a time to be at Chloe's for?"  
I thought back to our conversations last night, and it seemed like there had been no set time for tonight,  
"No you didn't."  
"Okay, so is 5 okay?"  
I nodded,  
"Yeah, five's fine. See you then."  
"Awesome!" Izzy beamed. "Bye!"  
We hung up the call, and then I made my way upstairs.  
After finishing getting ready, I walked back downstairs, and I slid on my converses, before picking up my rucksack and I opened the front door, picking up the house key from the bowl and I made my way outside, locking the door behind me.

I arrived at the hospital just over half an hour later. Walking inside, I made my way straight towards the double doors, and down the corridor. I didn't have time for receptionists telling me shit that I already knew, since I already knew where Tix's room was. As I made my way down, I felt the excitement of seeing Tix again, grow inside me. And this time, we'd be alone. No doctors, no boyfriends. Just us. Skinny and Fatty, two best friends, two combined souls into one. Okay, the last bit may sound a little weird, but Tix gets me and I get Tix. So to us, it makes sense. When I stopped outside her room, I took a deep breath, before walking inside. Tix was reading a small book that was in her hands, and when she heard the door open, her eyes shot up; them widening in excitement,

"Rae!" She beamed, and as she did, it reminded me of Izzy.  
I grinned at her, closing the door behind myself, and I made my way over to the bed, throwing my arms around her fragile body as I did. I heard Tix giggle, as she wrapped her arms around me too, and she sighed happy with contentment,  
"I missed you." She admitted.  
"I missed you too, Tixie." I smiled, pulling out of the embrace. Pulling the chair closer to the bed, I took a seat. "So, how're you doin'? Have they said when you'll be able to go back?"  
Tix's face dropped slightly, and she nodded,  
"Well, they said that I have to go to some rehab centre first." She mumbled.  
My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion,  
"What?! How come?" I asked.  
"They think it'll help me with my eating disorder. They're just getting all the paperwork sorted, Kester said, and then he'll take me there by the end of the week." I stared at her, taking it all in as I did. My best friend. My best friend, who had an eating disorder, and was as fragile as anything, was going to be taken into a rehabilitation centre. The sentence didn't seem to quite make sense. I opened my mouth to say something, but Tix cut me off. "But it's okay." She smiled. "Maybe they'll cure me."  
"Yeah, but if they cure you, what happens then? You go home?" I asked.  
Tix nodded,  
"Yeah." And when she saw my pained expression, she sighed softly taking my hand. "Rae, I told you this. I only live an hour away from you. We'll be able to see each other all the time, I promise."  
"I wish you lived closer, though." I admitted.  
Tix smiled sympathetically at me,  
"Funny, that's what Danny said too."  
I snorted a laugh,  
"Yeah, but that's cause he fancies the hell outta ya!" I proclaimed, making Tix blush deeply, and I smirked. "And you fancy the pants off him."  
"Oh, be quiet, Rae! We barely speak."  
I rolled my eyes,  
"He visits you often, Tix, I ain't stupid."  
Her cheeks flushed even darker, and I grinned at the sight.  
"So how're you doing?" She asked me, tugging at the bottom of her sleeves as she did, her attempt to change the subject was working.  
I sighed and shrugged,  
"Alright. I saw the gang and Finn last night, so that made the thoughts disappear. I haven't had any at all today, so that's good. Finn finally caught on with everything, and I ended up asking him such idiotic questions, but he answered them nonetheless."  
Tix smiled at me,  
"That's good, Rae."  
I smiled back,  
"S'pose." I glanced at the side table beside Tix's bed and then I looked back at her. "So how's the diary goin' then? Thought ya din't like it?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at her.  
"Funny, that's how you felt about it too."  
I smiled at her and I nodded,  
"That's true."  
"I need a favour…" Tix trailed off.  
Raising my eyebrows at her, I nodded encouragingly,  
"Okay? What is it?"  
"Can you find Kester and tell him I'm not in the mood to talk to him today, please? Danny wanted to come round…" She trailed off again, as her cheeks blushed deeply.  
I smirked slightly and I nodded, standing up,  
"Okay, your appointment should be any minute, shouldn't it?" She nodded at me, and I hugged her tightly. "I'll come back soon, Tix. Promise."  
"Can't wait." Tix smiled, and I smiled back at her, leaving the hospital room.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, I adjusted the straps on my shoulders, and then I knocked on the door,  
"Come in!" Kester called.  
Sighing softly, I walked inside and I closed the door behind me. Kester looked up at me, and he furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion,  
"Rae? It's not-"  
"I know." I cut him off. "I've just seen Tix." I explained. "She isn't feelin' up to talkin' today, and she asked if I'd tell ya."  
He nodded,  
"Okay, thanks, Rae." I nodded back at him, and I turned to leave, but he cleared his throat, making me close my eyes and silently beg for death. "Since you're here… why not an extra session this week?"  
I sighed inaudibly, and then I turned to him, plastering a smile on my face,  
"I kinda have plans…"  
He raised my eyebrows at me,  
"Oh, yeah? Doing what?"  
"I'm off to a sleepover." I informed him.  
"Bit early for a sleepover." He replied.  
I blinked a couple of times, before looking up at the clock at the far wall: 11:58 a.m. Sighing, I walked over to the chair and I slumped down, folding my arms over my chest. Kester gave me a friendly smile, and when I didn't reply, he wiped his hand over his mouth,  
"Is there a problem, Rae?" He asked me.  
I shook my head, looking out of the window,  
"No." I sulked. We stayed in silence for a little while, until I rolled my eyes and looked at him. "If I'm supposedly doin' better, then why the fuck am I 'avin' an extra session?" I asked.  
He shrugged,  
"No reason. Just thought we'd catch up."  
"We caught up yesterday." I said blankly.  
"No, that was Monday, Rae."  
I rolled my eyes again,  
"Whatever." I mumbled.  
I noticed that he was watching more closely, as the edges of his mouth tipped up slightly,  
"So, how're you doing, Rae?"  
I nodded,  
"Good."  
"And how are things?"  
I licked my lips,  
"Better." I admitted.  
"Oh? And why's that?"  
"I talked to Finn."  
"And what happened there?"  
I looked down at my lap, and I began to play with the bottoms of my sleeves,  
"I told 'im that ah've been gettin' these thoughts in me head." Glancing up at Kester, I noticed that he was nodding at me, waiting for me to continue. "Asked him if he wa' bored of me yet, an' he said that he could never be bored of me." I smiled, letting out a small laugh as I did. "An' I asked 'im if 'e laughed when I hung up the phone call, and 'e wa' mad at the question." I finally looked up at Kester, seeing that he had a smile on his face,  
"This is good, Rae. You're communicating your fears to him, and that's all he wants. He wants you to be honest with him. Don't keep it to yourself. Don't just tell me, or Tix, or even your mum. You need to talk to Finn, so he knows what's going on, and between the two of you, you can fix it."  
I nodded,  
"I know." I said quietly. "He did gimme somethin' to help."  
"What's that?"  
"He uh… when we went to Sheffield to a concert the other week, he gimme a necklace with an _f_ on it. And he told me, that if I ever get doubts about me and him, and I'm scared of bein' annoyin'; to jus' squeeze the _f_ as tight as I can, and when my fingers start to tingle, it means he's there with me." I smiled instantly, feeling my cheeks burn slightly. And suddenly, I felt like Tix. Just how she had when she mentioned Danny coming to visit. Shy.  
"See? He wants to help you, Rae. He loves you and he cares about you. You've got to keep telling yourself that. This self-doubt isn't good for you."  
I nodded,  
"I know."  
"How's Chloe these days?"  
My eyebrows furrowed together,  
"What the fuck made you think of her?" I asked in bewilderment.  
Kester shrugged,  
"Just asking, that's all."  
I shrugged,  
"She's fine." I replied bluntly. "What made ya ask that?" I demanded.  
Kester shrugged with his left shoulder,  
"You just seem to never mention her, anymore, that's all."  
"Because she hasn't done much lately. She hasn't tried embarrassin' me, or makin' me look like a joke. She ain't the only one that knows my secret anymore, and I have Finn."  
"What about Finn?" Kester asked.  
I opened my mouth to speak, and then I closed it, pausing for a moment,  
"He defends me." I finally replied back. "And-and y'know what they say…" I trailed off.  
"Let me guess." Kester started, leaning back in his chair. "You don't need your friends as much when you've got a boyfriend?"  
I swallowed slowly, my gaze lowering back to my lap, nodding slowly, waiting for him to judge me because of it. He let out a huff of laughter,  
"How times have changed." He commented.  
I sighed, rolling my eyes,  
"What? So it's alright for 'er to go off and forget about me, but when the tables have turned, I have to feel guilty about it?" I asked, my voice sounding defensive.  
Kester shrugged,  
"I never suggested anything like that, Rae. You suggested that yourself. Perhaps you never imagined yourself being in this situation."  
I let out a laugh,  
"Of course I never expected myself to be in this situation!" I shouted. "I'm fucking me, aren't I?!"  
He raised his eyebrows at me,  
"Are we really going to go into that topic again?"  
"I just never realised how hard it was to balance friends and your boyfriend, that's all." I admitted quietly.  
Kester offered me a smile,  
"You can always change it around, Rae. Make time for Finn, and make time for your friends. Spend some quality time with Chloe. You don't seem to do that often."  
I scoffed,  
"Yeah, cause every time we used to, she used to make me feel like shit."  
"I think the both of you need to sit down and discuss your friendship."  
I looked at him, not saying anything and I tilted my head, thinking about what Kester had just said.


	5. Chapter 5

"Rae!" Izzy squealed, opening Chloe's front door.  
Letting out a small laugh, I walked in as Izzy stepped aside, and then I saw Chloe walking into the hallway. She gave me a wide smile,  
"Hi!"  
"Hey." I smiled back at her.  
I held up my two bags, and I rolled my eyes playfully,  
"My arms feel like they're gonna drop off with all this shit I was made to bring."  
Izzy rolled her eyes and she scoffed,  
"Such a drama queen, Rae. Come on; let's go up to Chloe's room! We've just finished setting up the room!"  
Following after a bubbly and bouncing Izzy, Chloe and I made our way upstairs and into her bedroom. Walking inside and making us comfy, I sat down on one of the pink beanbags, as did Chloe and Izzy.  
"So what shall we do first?"  
I looked at the two of them and I shrugged. I wasn't exactly the best person to ask. I looked at Chloe and she shrugged, picking up one of the bottles of vodka,  
"We could drink?" She suggested.  
Pulling the bottle out of Chloe's hands, Izzy set it back in the bag,  
"Way too early for that." She told her.  
I smiled and then laughed, shaking my head at Izzy, and then I bit my lip,  
"We could do the whole girl talk thing?" I suggested, Kester's voice coming into my head, making me want to roll my eyes.  
Izzy and Chloe grinned and they nodded,  
"Who wants to go first?" Chloe asked, looking at the two of us.  
"I will!" Izzy raised her hand and she giggled. "First off, can I just say, Rae?" I looked at her, my eyebrows furrowing together slightly. "Thank you. Thanks for the speech you made your mum's wedding. If it wasn't for your braveness, Chop and I probably wouldn't even be together right now." She smiled at me, and I rolled my eyes.  
"Iz, it's fine. Heck, if it wasn't for my speech, I doubt Finn and I would be together."  
Chloe grinned,  
"I think the both of you are in the _perfect_ relationships! Iz, you and Chop have loved each other for like, ever! He's always so protective over you, as are you for him. And Rae," she looked at me and let out a small laugh, "well you and Finn are definitely meant for each other. And I think yesterday proved that for sure."  
I furrowed my eyebrows together,  
"Whatcha mean?" I asked her.  
"When you first came into the pub? And you two went to your own table? And he was talking to you? It was so sweet and adorable!"  
I blushed slightly and I smiled to myself, looking down at my lap. She sighed dramatically, and when I looked up, I saw that Chloe was playfully rolling her eyes,  
"Man I need to find myself a boyfriend."  
Izzy and I looked at each other and then we laughed, shaking our heads.  
"But seriously though, is there actually any decent single guys in Lincolnshire?" Chloe asked us.  
Izzy thought about it,  
"What about Kyle?" She suggested.  
Chloe thought about it, and she bit her lip,  
"Mmm suppose. Whatcha think, Rae?" I shrugged my shoulders, and Chloe let out a laugh. "Thanks for your help." She said sarcastically.  
"Well, I think anyone that I come into contact with is good looking, so…" I shrugged again as the girls laughed, and I just smiled.  
"So, Rae? When do you think we'll be able to meet Tix?" Izzy asked me.  
My eyes widened slightly as I looked at her,  
"What?" I stuttered.  
Izzy glanced at Chloe and then back at me,  
"Well, she's your friend, isn't she? And you're close to her?" I nodded, motioning for her to continue, and Izzy shrugged slightly. "Well, me and Chop were saying that other day, that we'd like to meet her." She smiled softly at me.  
"R-Really?" I asked, my eyes drifting to Chloe.  
Chloe smiled and nodded,  
"Yeah, definitely."  
I gave them both a small smile and I exhaled deeply,  
"I'd have to talk to her about it. I mean; she loved meetin' Finn. But you have to be careful with her."  
Izzy furrowed her eyebrows together in confusion,  
"Why?"  
"She doesn't like to be touched." I explained.  
She and Chloe looked at each other and then they looked back at me,  
"Well, we still wanna meet her." Izzy told me.  
"I'll ask her the next time I see her, then." I nodded.  
Izzy squealed, beaming to herself, as she jumped up from the beanbag, and Chloe laughed, turning her head and looking at me. We both shared a smile to one another.  
"I'll be right back." Izzy said, before running out of Chloe's room.  
I turned my body to face Chloe and I smiled,  
"I missed you when I was in the hospital." I admitted.  
Chloe's eyes lit up,  
"You did?"  
I nodded,  
"I know we had a fight and shit, and we drifted… but I did miss ya. Missed ya a lot, actually."  
She smiled at me,  
"I used to get sad whenever I went past your house. Knocked a couple of times, and at first, ya mum would say that you weren't in. I thought you were avoiding me at first, and then like, the third time I went round, she told me that you'd gone to France."  
I nodded slowly and then I rolled my eyes,  
"Yeah, she's shit at making stuff up."  
Chloe smiled and then she laughed, nodding,  
"Remember that time we asked her why your letter from Santa looked a lot like her handwriting?"  
I nodded laughing,  
"Yeah! 'I guess he wanted you to feel more comfortable'." I mimicked through laughter.  
Once we calmed down, I smiled to myself and I looked back at her,  
"We're alright, ain't we?" I asked Chloe.  
She looked at me, her face scrunching up slightly,  
"Whatcha mean?" She asked me, confused.  
"Like, we've had a few tiffs during the time I've been back. But like, we're okay, ain't we? Because if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have the amazing friends that I do now, and I definitely wouldn't 'ave Finn." I paused, smiling at her. "An' I wouldn't have you, either."  
Chloe smiled at me,  
"Course we are. Me and you always make up. It's how it's meant to be."  
I smiled bigger and I nodded, looking down at my hands, as Izzy skipped back in.  
"Okay, now I think it calls for cocktails and sappy love films!" She announced, before collapsing back onto her beanbag.  
Chloe clapped her hands together fast,  
"Now we're talkin'!"  
I laughed; shaking my head and watched the both of them choose the film.

* * *

After the second film, and our fifth glass of whatever the hell was in these cocktails, we decided it was enough of crying into tissues and fantasising about being in these films ourselves. Izzy sighed contently, and she rested her head against the edge of Chloe's bed,  
"Y'know what I love about you and Finn, Rae?" Izzy said, out of the blue, looking over at me.  
I let out a laugh, tucking some of my hair behind my ear,  
"What's that?"  
"That you tell each other everything. Like, literally, everything. You're so open to each other. No matter how hard it is for you both to say it, you still say it." She grinned at me.  
Chloe nodded enthusiastically,  
"Oh my god, yeah! Like when you went to the bathroom at the pub yesterday and Finn followed you in! I was like, 'Ooooh they're gonna do the dirty in the toilets!'" Chloe added, and I laughed rolling my eyes at the last part. "But when I noticed that Finn had looked so concerned and stuff-"  
"After I pointed it out." Izzy cut in.  
Chloe nodded again,  
"Yeah, after Iz pointed it out. Ah was like, 'Oh my god these two are gonna get married and have kids and everythin'!' You guys are so made for each other, cause you care about each other so much!"  
I let out another laugh, my eyes turning back to Izzy, as she began to speak,  
"Yeah! I doubt there's anything that you two haven't told each other."  
Izzy and Chloe then began to gush about Chop and Izzy, and as I tried to pretend that I was listening, adding a laughter and nodding every once in a while, my thoughts turned back to what Izzy had said. _I doubt there's anything that you two haven't told each other._ My heart was racing, as I thought about the one thing I hadn't told Finn. That night that Archie had stood me up. When I burned myself. On purpose. Swallowing slowly, I knew that I had to tell him. I _had_ to. Like Chloe and Izzy said, we tell each other _everything_. I knew that this wasn't going to be easy, and that Finn was going to blow up, and probably try to kill Archie; -his best friend-, but it needed to be done. I couldn't live with the fact that I hadn't told him this one, tiny thing.  
"Rae!" Chloe called, and I jumped out of my daze, blinking at her,  
"Wha-What?"  
"You okay, Rae?" Izzy asked me softly.  
I nodded, flashing them a fake smile,  
"Yeah, why?"  
"You zoned out for a little bit then." Chloe replied; her face filled with concern.  
I let out a huff of laughter and I shrugged,  
"I'm fine, though. Don't worry about me." I smiled, nodding, and the two of them looked at each other, before shrugging and letting the topic go. Sighing inaudibly in relief, I tried to ignore the nagging thoughts in my head, telling me to go and tell Finn now. _I'll tell him tomorrow._ I promised myself.  
I watched Chloe stand up and she put on her CD Player, putting on some random song. Furrowing my eyebrows together, as Izzy and Chloe squealed, I licked my lips,  
"Who's this?"  
Gasping the two of them looked at each other,  
"You're jokin' right?" Izzy gasped again.  
I shook my head and shrugged,  
"It's_ Mariah Carey_, Rae! She's the best singer ever!"  
I rolled my eyes and I snorted a laugh,  
"The best singer ever?" I let out another laugh. "Please."  
Chloe rolled her eyes,  
"Jus' give it a listen, would ya? You're in a relationship now! Y'should be listening to these sorta songs."  
"What sorta songs?" I asked.  
"Luuuurve songs." Izzy grinned.  
I rolled my eyes again, as I listened to the lyrics.  
_"Lying beside you,_  
_Here in the dark._  
_Feeling your heart beat with mine._  
_Softly you whisper,_  
_You're so sincere;_  
_How could our love be so blind."  
_I groaned quietly, closing my eyes and throwing my head back. _Great._ I thought to myself. _Let the fucking sappy shit commence._ Izzy and Chloe began singing along to the song, and I sighed deeply. I felt a pillow hit my arm, and opening my eyes quickly, Chloe was looking at me,  
"Enjoy it!" She exclaimed.  
I plastered a sarcastic smile on my face, and she just shook her head, smiling at me. I sighed softly and I closed my eyes, listening to the music. Chloe and Izzy began to sing along to the song,  
"_So now I come to you,  
With open arms.  
Nothing to hide,  
Believe what I say.  
So here I am,  
With open arms.  
Hoping you'll see,  
What your love means to me,  
Open arms..."  
_I became frustrated, as the beat of the song became into my head. I began bobbing my head along to the beat, and I glanced up at Chloe, noticing the smirk on her face. I rolled my eyes and I folded my arms over my chest,  
"Piss off." I murmured.

The three of us were getting pretty tipsy now, and Chloe stood up clapping her hands together and she squealed,  
"Let's play truth or dare!"  
I rolled my eyes and I sighed,  
"Truth or dare is soooooo lame now, Chlo!"  
She rolled her eyes back at me and she scoffed,  
"C'mon, Rae! Don't be borin'!"  
I shook my head and then I picked up a bottle of the vodka, taking a swig from the bottle, and then I sighed slightly,  
"What do y'think the boys are doin' right now?"  
Izzy shrugged,  
"Probably playing pool or somethin'!"  
"Pool?" I shrieked; my words slurring as I looked at Izzy. "They play _pool_?!" I sounded a little too over shocked, but honestly, I didn't know.  
Izzy shrugged again,  
"Sometimes they do. Very rare, though. Chop's a little competitive, so they barely play anymore."  
Chloe and I laughed, shaking our heads and then I clapped my hands together once,  
"Right, girlies! Think we should get t'bed?"  
"Oh my god, is it really past midnight already?" Chloe asked, gasping as she glanced at the alarm clock.  
"Wait, wait, wait!" Izzy gasped, standing up. "We need to talk guys!"  
I furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion,  
"Wha about?" I asked her.  
Izzy sighed slightly,  
"It's been bugging me for a little while now, but I need to ask you something about… y'know."  
I caught on, nodding slowly,  
"Ohhhhh okay." _I am way too drunk for this conversation._ I thought to myself, as I lost my balance and stumbled slightly. Chloe laughed at me and then we turned our attention to Izzy,  
"I just… I um…" Izzy's face turned bright red as she looked down at her lap, and she shook her head. "Never mind, it doesn't matter."  
"C'mon, Iz. You've got us all in suspense now, so tell us." Chloe smiled at her.  
Izzy sighed,  
"I don't know if I'm doin' it right!" She blurted out.  
It was obvious to me that the drink was definitely kicking in with her confidence now. I shot her a look,  
"How'd you mean?"  
She looked up at me,  
"I just… I don't know if I'm satisfying him as well as the others."  
"As well as the others?" Chloe asked, and then she sighed. "If you're gonna be living in Chop's past, then how're you gonna be his future?" Chloe raised her eyebrows at her.  
I nodded enthusiastically,  
"Yeah…" I thought about it and I nodded again. "Yeah! Ah mean, ya don't see me stressin' about it, do ya? I mean, sure, Finn has most probably been with loads an' loads an' loads an'-" My eyes widened slightly. "Oh shit." I said soberly.  
Chloe sighed crossing her arms over her chest,  
"Why did ya do that, Rae? Y'know it wasn't gonna end well!" She proclaimed, throwing her arms by her side exaggeratedly.  
I rolled my eyes, running a hand through my hair, and then I held up a finger, and then I stumbled out of Chloe's bedroom, and then I stumbled into the bathroom along the hall. Closing the door behind me, I tripped slightly, quickly grabbing the wall for support, and then I sighed deeply, sitting down on the toilet, and I rested my head in my hands,  
"Fuck." I said to myself. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit." I mumbled to myself. I groaned into my hands, shaking my head. "What do I say such twattish things?" I asked myself. _How many girls _has_ Finn slept with? Are you even good? Does he feel pleasured when he's with you? Does he wish you were someone el-?  
_"Rae?" Chloe said softly, opening the bathroom door.  
I lifted my head from my hands, and I looked up at her. She gave me a small smile, walking over to me, and she crouched down in front of me,  
"Talk to me."  
I sighed and shrugged slightly,  
"Why did I say it? I'm feelin' exactly the same way that Izzy is. And we're both stuck in our boyfriend's past, because let's admit it, anyone that Finn's slept with, is gonna be ten times better than me." I frowned, my cheeks burning, as I looked down at my hands.  
I heard Chloe sigh,  
"Rae, Finn loves you. He really does love you. And you know what? That means more to him than sex. And you're wrong. The other girls weren't better in bed than you are, because when it's with you, it's love. Not just a one night stand. He's in love with you, Rae. He wasn't with the other girls."  
My eyes softened, as I stared down at Chloe, my eyes filling with tears, and then I sniffed,  
"Oh, Chloe!" I sobbed quietly.  
She gave me a sympathetic look, kneeling up and hugging me tightly. I rested my forehead in her shoulder, and then I continued to sob quietly. Chloe rubbed my back gently and she sighed softly,  
"It's okay, Rae. It's alright."  
"I'm such an idiot! I don't even know what's up wi' me!" I sobbed. I sniffed, pulling my head away from her shoulder. "A-Ah need t'talk to Finn." I sniffed, wiping my eyes with my hands.  
Chloe let out a laugh,  
"Rae, it's guy's night. Ya've got no chance."  
"Oh yeah?" I sniffed, standing up, and I walked out of her bathroom and straight into Chloe's bedroom.  
"Rae?" Izzy asked, her voice filled with concern.  
I didn't answer her. instead, I walked straight over to Chloe's phone, and I picked it up, dialling the number, pressing my phone against my ear.  
"Hello, Black Swan?" The man answered.  
I swallowed,  
"Hi, could ya ask for a Finn Nelson, please? Ah need t'speak to him."  
"Alright." The male said, and then I heard him call. "Finn Nelson? Someone's on the phone for ya, mate!"  
There was silence, only the background noise from inside the pub, and then there was Finn. His voice sending flutters into my heart,  
"Hello?" He asked, his voice sounding both worried and confused.  
"Hi." I breathed out in relief.  
"Rae? Somethin' wrong?"  
I swallowed shaking my head, letting out a laugh,  
"No. nah, I'm jus' bein' a daft bugger. Jus' wanted t'hear ya voice, really." I looked up at the girls, whom were smiling small at me.  
"And you say I'm the sappy sod?" He chuckled. "'Ow many 'ave ya had?" He asked me, a slight hint of teasing in his voice.  
"Not enough." I admitted, laughing slightly. "Ah jus' wanted t'say goodnight." I swallowed. "An' that I love ya."  
"I love ya too, Rae-Rae. Sweet dreams."  
"You too." I whispered, before hanging up the phone call. I shook my head, keeping my hand on the phone. "I'm such an idiot."  
Izzy let out a laugh,  
"So am I. You're not the one that asked Chop about his past relationships. He didn't take it well."  
I let out a laugh, the relief flooding through me.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up the next day, my head pounding and throbbing. Groaning slightly, I rubbed my eyes and then I lifted my head, seeing that both Izzy and Chloe were still asleep. Sighing slightly, I sat up, and I began to collect my thoughts about last night. _What happened? _I began asking myself. The memories slowly crept back into my mind, and I suppose nothing bad happened. Although, I did start freaking out about Finn's past sex life, and then freaking out more, phoning their usual, a desperate need to hear his voice. But what no one else knew, was that even though the alcohol was doing a very good job, I needed Finn to silence the thoughts, for when I woke up today. I smiled to myself, remembering Finn telling me that he loved me. And then the strangest thought came into my head. It was Izzy's voice, which is what made me snap my head into her direction, only to find that she was still sleeping peacefully on the ground opposite me. _You and Finn tell each other everything. No matter how hard it is, you're always honest._ I swallowed slowly, the memory of when Archie stood me up, and Finn had to come and tell me for him. And then I stated in the mirror, as the same itching feeling became to tingle in my legs, as it did four months ago, when I was admitted into the mental hospital. I had decided to take a shower, to take my mind off it all. But it made it worse. I knew I needed to do something - I needed to hurt myself somehow. As I snapped back to reality, I swallowed thickly, knowing that I was going to have to tell Finn this. Because Izzy was right, we _do_ tell each other everything. No matter how hard it is, we say it. Because our relationship was based around honesty, not a pack filled of lies. My heart began racing, as I tried to picture Finn's face when I told him. I tried to hope that maybe he'd be calm, but I knew not to get my hopes up for that happening. Swallowing slowly, I darted out of my sleeping bag, and I quietly began packing my things together. Once everything was packed, I stole a piece of writing pad, that was lying on top of her chest of drawers, and I quickly wrote the girls a note:

_Sorry girls, had to dash. Needed to run some errands.  
I'll see you later at the caf. Thanks for a really good  
time, I really enjoyed it. Love you both,  
Rae. xoxoxo_

After putting the note somewhere where I knew that they'd find it, I slowly crept out of Chloe's room, and then I quietly walked downstairs and out of the front door. I rested my back against the brick wall to Chloe's house, and I exhaled slowly, trying to calm myself down. I had no idea what I was getting so worked up about, but I hoped that it wasn't my gut feeling, telling me not to tell Finn. This was something I had to do, to stop the guilt feeling eating me up inside. Taking a deep breath, and then I walked away from Chloe's house and then I began to walk towards my house adjusting the bag strap on my shoulder.

* * *

When I arrived home, I walked straight upstairs and into my bedroom, and then I closed the door behind me, and I sighed deeply, trying to calm my heartbeat down. I walked over to my bed, glancing at my alarm clock: 8:56 a.m. I closed my eyes, mentally groaning to myself, and then I sat down on my bed, rubbing my tired eyes. I began to imagine seeing Finn today, the thoughts instantly calming me; although it did make my heartbeat even more erratic. I imagined walking into the chippy, and have his eyes meet mine as I walked inside. I imagined rushing over to him, trying to not look too desperate and needy, and then I would sit down beside him, Finn's lips instantly meeting mine,  
"Missed you." He murmured against my lips.  
"Missed you too." I breathed out, feeling so happy to be beside him again.  
I slowly faded out of that memory, opening my eyes and I decided it'd be best to keep my mind off lunch. Instead, I stood up, and I began to unpack my overnight bag. After unpacking, I then changed into a pair of black leggings and an army green coloured, buttoned up shirt. The sleeves were rolled up to my elbows. And after I changed, I pulled my hair up into a half ponytail. After looking over my appearance, I smiled to myself, before walking out of my bedroom and downstairs, walking straight into the kitchen.  
"What're you doin' here? You're supposed to be at Chloe's." My mum said, furrowing her eyebrows together in confusion, as she brought her coffee mug to her lips, taking a sip.  
I shrugged, walking over to the cupboard, getting out a bowl,  
"Just didn't wanna wait around for those two lazy 'uns to get up."  
We both let out a huff of laugher, as I got out the box of Coco Pops, and then I poured them into the bowl. I looked over at my mum, as I got out the pint of milk,  
"You off to work?"  
Mum sighed and nodded, as she stood up, making her way over to the sink, and she set the empty coffee mug into the sink,  
"Karim has his first night class tonight." She looked at me, as I met hers with my confused eyes. "English lessons." She explained. "So then maybe the two of you can have a conversation."  
I laughed and nodded,  
"That'd be nice." I admitted.  
Mum smiled and then she kissed my cheek softly,  
"Right, I'm off to work. I'll see you tonight."  
"Bye!" I called, as she raced out of the kitchen and out the front door.  
I finished my breakfast a few minutes later, and then I washed up, as well as mum's mug. After drying up, I made my way back upstairs and I brushed my teeth. I stated at my reflection for a little while, and I took a short, steady breath,  
"It's fuckin' embarrassing how good I look somedays." I recited quietly, and smiling to myself, seeing Finn's face in my head. I walked out of the bathroom and I walked into my bedroom, picking up my diary and I sat down at my desk, opening it up to the next clean page.

_Dear Diary,  
Last night was so much fun. Chloe, Izzy and me had a proper  
girls night in. I loved it! It was nice to just hang out with just  
us girls, rather than the boys interrupting us every five seconds.  
Sure I'm saying that now, but last night I fucking missed Finn  
like crazy. I wished he was there with me, so we could write  
in our secret language and hold hands and kiss and sigh. I  
made a twattish mistake of letting my thoughts creep into my  
drunken mind last night. All because I was helping Izzy. I told her  
there was nothing to worry about. That Chop's sexual history  
didn't matter, because he loves her. Not the other girls, her.  
But it didn't stop me from wondering about Finn's past  
sexual encounters. Even had to ring him at The Black Swan,  
to assure myself that he was only mine. Cannot wait to see  
him today, although after what I've told him, I don't he'll__  
be happy to see me..._

* * *

I walked into the chippy, my rucksack slung over my shoulder, as I looked around. Finn was up from his seat the second he heard the door open. Walking over to me, he gave me a wide grin and he hugged me tightly, kissing my cheek softly,  
"Hi, you."  
I sighed in relief, hugging Finn back tightly,  
"Hey." I said against his shoulder.  
"Missed you." He murmured into my hair.  
I smiled to myself,  
"Missed you too." I replied.  
He pulled out of the embrace, taking my hand and he entwined our fingers together, walking over to the booth where the rest of the gang were sitting, and we sat down. Moving closer to Finn, I smiled bigger to myself, feeling Finn let go of my hand, to wrap it around my waist.  
"Hiya, Rae! Thanks for just leaving today!" Izzy grinned.  
I felt Finn look at me, and I glanced at him in the corner of my eye, as I let out a small laugh,  
"Sorry. Couldn't be arsed waitin' for you two lazy shits." I grinned, making Finn, Chop and Archie start laughing. I turned my attention to Archie. "Yo, Archers? How was the date?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him.  
Archie adjusted his glasses and he let out a nervous laugh, shrugging slightly,  
"It was okay."  
"Just okay?" Chloe asked.  
Archie started to explain his date, and with each passing second, I felt myself begin to daze out, as I stared blankly at the table. I knew that soon I would have to tell Finn. I was shitting it. After a few moments of me in my own little world, I jumped feeling Finn press his lips against my shoulder. Snapping out of my daze, I looked at him, my face still blank.  
"You okay?" Finn mouthed to me.  
I pressed my lips together into a tight line,  
"We need to talk." I mouthed back to him.  
He nodded, unwrapping his arm from around my waist, and he stood up, me instantly standing up too and we walked away from the gang, walking over to a secluded part of the chippy,  
"What's up, Rae-Rae?" Finn asked quietly, his eyebrows lifted with concern.  
I sighed slightly, playing with the bottom of Finn's t-shirt,  
"I jus'… we were talkin' about how honest you and me are at the sleepover last night…" I lifted my gaze back to Finn's, and he nodded encouragingly at me. "An' I realised that there's one thing ah never told ya…" I trailed off again.  
"Rae, you're kinda scarin' me now, so ya wanna tell me whatever it is that you gotta tell me?" He asked.  
I bit my lip and I nodded, swallowing slowly and I dropped my hands to my side,  
"Y'know the night when Archie stood me up?" Finn nodded. "I uh…" I sniffed slightly. "I went home that night, and uh… I had this itching need to wanna… y'know, hurt myself again… but I knew that goin' through all that again would've been stupid." I let out a huff of laughter from my nose. "So I decided to take a shower. Y'know, to clear my head?" Finn nodded slowly and I could tell that he was getting more and more nervous. "And instead of jus' standin' there and thinkin', I uh… I hurt myself in a different way than before."  
"How?" Finn whispered, his voice sounding wounded.  
"I burned myself with the hot water." I admitted, biting my bottom lip, feeling nervous.  
Finn didn't say anything. But I noticed that he had clenched his hands into tight fists. My eyes widened with fear, watching Finn storm over to the booth where the rest of the gang were sitting. When he reached the booth, he slammed his hands hard against the table, making the whole gang jump and they looked at him. I rushed over to him,  
"Finn." I begged, tugging on his arm.  
His eyes narrowed on Archie, and Archie's eyes widened with fear,  
"Outside. Now." Finn told him.  
Nodding quickly, Archie jumped out of his seat, rushing outside. Finn followed him outside, and I gasped, running after him,  
"Finn!" I called.  
When we were outside, I bit my lip harshly, watching both Finn and Archie,  
"Ya wanna tell him?" Finn asked, giving me a sideways look.  
"Finn, just let it go!" I begged. "Please!"  
"What's going on?" Archie asked, his eyebrows furrowing together.  
"You're a fucking dick, that's what's happenin'!" Finn shouted.  
Archie's eyes widened as he glanced at me, and Finn grabbed Archie by his collar. "Don't even fuckin' look at her!" He threatened.  
My eyes widened,  
"Finn! Are ya fuckin' crazy?! Let go of him!"  
Archie stood there, trying to get out of his best friend's grasp, as the gang watched from inside the chippy.  
"Do ya know what she did?! Do ya know what your so-called best friend did the night ya fuckin' stood 'er up?! Eh?!" He shouted in Archie's face, shaking him slightly.  
My eyes were wide, as I tried to pull Finn away from Archie,  
"Finn, let it go!" I begged loudly, tears filling my eyes.  
"What are ya on about?" Archie asked, his voice wavering all over the place.  
"She fuckin' burnt herself!" Finn shouted. "She fuckin' got in the shower and she fuckin' burnt herself! Cause of you! Because you fuckin' told me to go round there and tell her that ya weren't comin'! Cause you were a fuckin' wuss!" Finn shoved Archie away from him, and he sniffed, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. Sniffing slightly, Finn stumbled back beside me, and I tightly gripped his arm. "You better stay away from her, because ah'm tellin' ya. If I find out that you're even lookin' at 'er, because of what she did because of you, then ah'll fuckin' make sure it's the last time." I watched Finn as his eyes filled with tears, but he quickly blinked them back, and then he looked at me. "Why din't ya tell me?" He asked, his voice sounding defeated.  
I opened my mouth to speak, but Finn shook his head, walking away from both Archie and I, and down the street. I looked at Archie, and he looked at me, and I sighed deeply, the tears rolling down my cheeks.  
"I-I'm so sorry, Rae." Archie apologised.  
I shook my head,  
"It's fine." I whispered, swallowing slowly, and then I watched Finn walk away. I looked at Archie, into the chippy where all the gang were watching us, and then back to Archie. "I'm jus' gonna go home. I'll see you whenever."  
As Archie began to protest, I walked away from him, walking down the street, my gaze boring into the pavement in front of me.

* * *

I was an idiot. Why did I tell him? What good did I think it would do telling Finn the truth? Despite knowing that the guilt would eat me up, I knew that I had to tell him. Closing the bedroom door behind me, I rushed over to my bed, collapsing onto it, and I hugged the pillow in my arms, stuffing my face into it, as I let out a shaky sob. I imagined the look on Finn's face when he grabbed hold of Archie's face, and the way Archie's eyes widened with fear. I let out a scream, hearing a tap at my window. Lifting my head, I gasped, seeing that Finn was looking into the window. He smiled sympathetically at me, and I quickly scrambled off the bed, and I walked over to the window, unlocking it and I pulled up the window. Stepping aside, Finn climbed in and then he closed the window after him, and then he turned to me. He breathed out slowly, and he walked over to me, hugging me tightly,  
"Rae, I'm so sorry."  
I sniffed, nodding and I hugged him back tightly, stuffing my face into his neck,  
"Ah should've told ya." I mumbled into Finn's neck.  
"Mmm, should've." I felt him smile against the top of my head.  
I pulled out of the embrace and I looked up at him,  
"But, it wasn't Archie's fault. He din't know, Finn."  
Swallowing slowly, Finn nodded,  
"I know."  
"Will you… will you stay the night?" I asked him. "Please? Tonight? I know we said we'd wait a fortnight, but, I just-"  
Finn smiled,  
"Course ah will."  
"But first… you need to apologise to Archie."  
Closing his eyes and tipping his head back, Finn let out a groan, and then he opened his eyes looking down at me, and he sighed,  
"Fine."

* * *

We walked over to Archie's house, and I quickly scanned over where he lived. It was just like any other ordinary house. _Nothing like Finn's._ I shook my head, realising how snobby that sounded. We walked up his driveway, and Finn knocked on his door. A few minutes later, Archie answered the door,  
"H-Hi." He greeted us.  
"Arch, I'm sorry man." Finn sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I-I just… I got mad, cause. Ah don't like the idea of Rae hurtin' herself, y'know?"  
Archie nodded, adjusting his glasses, opening the door wider and he stepped closer,  
"It's alright, Finn, I understand."  
Finn sighed in relief, and he smiled up at his best friend,  
"Thanks, mate. I-I'll make it up to ya, I promise."  
Archie chuckled,  
"Better get my list ready then, eh?" He winked at me and I giggled.  
Finn nudged me,  
"S'posed to be on my side." He pouted playfully, and I rolled my eyes playfully.  
"Ah'm stayin' out of this." I laughed.  
Archie and Finn laughed along, and then Finn scratched the back of his head,  
"So uh… we'll see ya at the pub tomorrow, yeah?"  
Archie smiled and he nodded,  
"Yeah, see you then. See you later guys."  
I waved at Archie, and then we both turned to leave, Finn taking hold of my hand, entwining our fingers, and we walked down Archie's driveway and down his street.  
"See? Wasn't so hard, was it?" I asked, a smile appearing on my face as I did.  
Finn rolled his eyes playfully,  
"Was fuckin' torture, babe."  
I tipped my head back and I laughed softly.

* * *

When we arrived back in my bedroom, I frowned, biting my lip softly,  
"We're kinda pathetic, ain't we?" I asked him.  
Finn sat down on my bed and he raised his eyebrows at me,  
"What do ya mean?" He asked me.  
I sighed,  
"We can't even go a full week without bein' completely soppy and fuckin' desperate."  
We both let out a laugh, and then I sat down beside Finn, Finn instantly wrapping his arm around my waist,  
"It's just a change for us, that's all, Rae-Rae. We'll get used to it soon. I mean, I'll sleep tonight and then we'll go back to bein' at our own houses, yeah?"  
I smiled up at him and I nodded,  
"Okay. Thanks, Finnypoo."  
Finn kissed my forehead softly,  
"You're welcome, Rachel Earl."


	7. Chapter 7

Later that day, Finn and I were sitting on the floor, our backs pressed against my bed, as the music softly played in the background. We both had small smiles on your faces, the both of us enjoying this moment. We were listening to an _Oasis_ live set. Unfortunately it wasn't their Knebworth set, but this concert was phenomenal anyway. Bobbing my head along to the music, the two of us would occasionally start quietly singing along to the songs that were playing. Finn reached out his hand, and he wrote across my thigh: _EPIC._ I looked at him and I grinned, nodding, and then shivers ran through my whole body, heading the beginning chords for the next song. Finn smiled at me,  
"Ah love it when a song has that effect on ya."  
I blushed slightly and I smiled bigger at him, listening as _Oasis_ began to sing,  
"_Is it my imagination,  
Or have I finally found something worth living for?  
I was looking for some action,  
But all I found was cigarettes and alcohol."  
_"Fuckin' 'ell they're good at this 'un." Finn commented.  
I nodded, their lyrics imprinting into my brain,  
"Yeah."  
_WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?_ Finn wrote on my thigh. Looking over at him, I smiled,  
"Nothin'. Jus' really lovin' this song."  
Finn smiled back at me, leaning over and kissing my lips softly once. He then leaned back, his head resting back against my bed, and then we both jumped, hearing the door close downstairs. We gave each other a look, before we heard footsteps and then my mum opened my bedroom door,  
"Rachel-oh, hi, Finn."  
My eyes widened slightly, and my head turned to Finn, as he smiled politely at me,  
"Hi, Mrs. Bouchtat."  
"Oh, please. Call me Linda, darling." Finn nodded, and I looked back at my mum, raising my eyebrows at her. "Is uh, is Finn staying for tea?"  
I nodded,  
"Yeah." I replied, knowing that he'd be staying all night too. But I wasn't going to and brag about that. Mum'd have a fit.  
Mum smiled and nodded,  
"Excellent." I rolled my eyes as she turned and then she paused, looking over her shoulder. "Is casserole okay, Finn?"  
"Uh, yeah. Casserole's fine, thanks, Mrs-uh, I mean, Linda."  
Mum smiled at him and then left, leaving the bedroom door open. I sighed deeply, knowing that it was a sign. A sign that said, "no funny business." I scoffed inwardly. _Like we would with you in the house._ I thought to myself. I looked at Finn, and I noticed that he was smiling at me. I opened my mouth to speak, but he shook his head and leaned closer, pecking my lips softly,  
"Ah finally get t'meet your mum."  
I rolled my eyes and smiled at him,  
"Ooh, such joys." I replied sarcastically.  
Finn rolled his eyes this time, and then he took hold of my hand,  
"Hey, you've met me mam an' dad. It's about time ah met your mum and Karim."  
"Yeah, well I think it'll be just my mum today, cause Karim has night school. He's wantin' to speak English."  
Finn nodded,  
"Oh, that's good. Then you can have a conversation with him."  
I smiled and nodded,  
"That's what I said."

* * *

"Rachel Earl! Your dinner is ready! This is the last time I'm going to tell you!" My mum called from the kitchen.  
"Chill out, we're right here." I said, walking into the kitchen, Finn walking behind me. Mum set our plates on the table,  
"You two eat in here, and I'll eat in the living room, okay?"  
"I don't wanna be in the way, Linda. Ah don't mind."  
My mum smiled at Finn and then she looked at me,  
"We could all sit in the living room?"  
I shrugged and nodded,  
"Alright cool."  
I picked up my plate and Finn did the same, and then mum walked into the living room. Finn kissed my cheek softly, before following her out, and I smiled to myself, following behind Finn. My nerves were beginning to surface, at the thought of my mum and Finn actually having a conversation. What would they talk about? What embarrassing things would my mum say? About me? Mum sat down on the armchair, and I sat down on the sofa next to her, Finn sitting beside me. As we all began to eat, I glanced at Finn, seeing that he had a small, knowing smile on his face. I felt my cheeks blush slightly, as I shifted in my seat, and then I looked down at my plate.  
"So, Finn? What year are you in at school?" My mum asked, before putting her fork into her mouth.  
"I'm in year 13." He explained.  
We all began to eat in silence and then my mum set her fork down,  
"What're you planning on doing after school? College? University? A job?"  
I gave my mum a look, and instantly returned it back to me, making me sigh and roll my eyes. Finn swallowed his food and then he cleared his throat slightly,  
"I'm wantin' to be a radio DJ." Finn explained. "I just-I mean." He paused slightly. "I have this image of how I want my life, and all it's ever been for some time, is being in the radio business."  
I glanced at my mum, seeing that she was smiling at Finn,  
"Well the radio is a good business."  
Finn nodded enthusiastically,  
"Yeah. Ah was talkin' to Rae about it the other day. I've thought about setting up my own record shop, and then in the back, I could have a radio booth, where I could broadcast from."  
Mum smiled and she gave me a look. Not just any look. A look that showed me that she was impressed.  
"Ah told Rae that I'd like to have her working with me. Of course, I'm not gonna make her. I know that Rae is still having trouble deciding on a definite future right now. But the offer still stands."  
I smiled at Finn, and he looked at me, smiling back, and then we all began to eat again. After a few silent beats, I licked my lips,  
"How was work, mum?" I asked.  
Flickering my eyes up at her, I saw her looking at me. Okay, so maybe I didn't ask every single day, but most of the time I try to, she's _busy_ with Karim.  
"It was tiring. Got what I needed to do, though. So that's good." She smiled at me, as I nodded.

* * *

It had reached the 9:30 mark, and my mum was now giving me _the_ look. Not just any look. A look that told me, if Finn didn't leave in the next five minutes, then she'd embarrass the fuck out of me. Sighing slightly, I placed my finger on Finn's leg. _IT'S TIME._ I told him. Finn nodded, moving his finger onto my thigh. _BEDROOM WINDOW?_ Finn wrote, and I nodded, looking up and meeting Finn's gaze. I smiled as Finn smiled at me, and then I bit my lip, as he leaned in, kissing my lips softly once,  
"I'll see you soon, yeah?" He cooed.  
I nodded,  
"Definitely."  
We both stood up, and Finn picked up his leather jacket from beside him, and he shrugged it on. We both walked over to the front door, and I opened the door. Finn looked at me and he grinned big, before looking at my mum,  
"Thanks for having me, Linda."  
My mum smiled at him,  
"It was no trouble, Finn."  
Finn kissed my forehead softly, giving me a wink, before walking out of the front door and down the driveway. I closed the door behind him, and when I turned round, I saw that my mum was still staring a me. I shrugged slightly, shifting on the ground,  
"What?" I asked defensively.  
"Finn seems nice."  
I smiled at the mention of his name,  
"He is." I nodded.  
"He really cares about you, Rae. Remember that."  
I swallowed slowly watching her, and I nodded agin,  
"I-I will." I stuttered.  
I made my way past her, running upstairs and into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Finn was climbing through the bedroom window when I came in, and his head shot in my direction, grinning at me as he climbed in. He closed the window, and then I walked over to him, with a smile on my face,  
"My mum approves of you."  
Finn's grin widened, cupping my face, and he kissed my lips deeply once,  
"Well that's good."  
I nodded enthusiastically, and then Finn shrugged out of his leather jacket, and he threw it on the floor. As he slid off his converses, I made my way over to my draws, and I got out Finn's hoodie, as well as a pair of pyjama bottoms. Changing out of my clothes and into my pyjama bottoms and Finn's hoodie, I then picked up my clothes, and I made my way out of my bedroom, throwing them into the bathroom laundry basket. I bit my lip, and then I made my way downstairs,  
"Mum?" I said softly, walking into the living room, seeing that Karim was now home. She looked up at me. "I'm off to bed. Night."  
"Okay, goodnight Rachel."  
"Goodnight." Karim said, and I smiled at him, waving slightly, before walking back upstairs and into my bedroom.  
Finn was standing beside my bed in just his boxers. I walked past the heap of his clothes on the floor, and then when I reached him, he kissed my shoulder softly, before I climbed under the covers. Climbing in after me, Finn wrapped his arms around my waist, as I snuggled into him,  
"Mm, I've missed this." Finn mumbled against the side of my head.  
I sighed in contentment, and I nodded,  
"Me too." I spoke quietly.  
"I'm sorry for what I do to Archie."  
I swallowed slowly and then I looked up at him,  
"Forget about it." I whispered.  
Finn brushed some hair away from my face,  
"Did it hurt? When ya-" He cut himself off, quickly clearing his throat and then swallowing slowly.  
I looked up at him, my face filled with sympathy as I nodded,  
"Yeah. It did. But that was the point at the time."  
I noticed that Finn tensed, but he didn't show it in his face. He kissed my forehead softly, and then he nodded, turning his gaze up to the ceiling. I frowned to myself, reaching up and stroking his cheek softly,  
"I wouldn't ever do it again, though." I told him.  
Finn looked at me, desperation filled in his eyes,  
"Promise?" He whispered.  
I nodded,  
"Promise." I snuggled myself closer to Finn. "I don't wanna sleep yet." I admitted.  
"Mmm, me either." Finn murmured, kissing the side of my head softly.  
I stared up at Finn, my eyes filled with awe, and it was a wonder to me how I've never noticed him before. We were both from around here, so why had I never noticed him? In a record shop, in the chippy, the cafe, anywhere. It seemed pretty strange that we'd never met before I came home from the mental home. In fact, it almost seemed impossible. We liked the same things, we went to the same places. How did we not meet sooner? But maybe that was a good thing. A blessing in disguise. Because them Finn wouldn't have taken one look at me and took the piss. At least the way he met me, he _had_ to be nice to me, because I was Chloe's best friend. As I felt Finn stroke the bottom of my back softly, I snuggled into him, as we both became lost in our own thoughts. I wondered what Finn was thinking about. Was he thinking similar things to me? I hoped not. Because what if his subconscious starts questioning what he ever saw in me? My chest tightened instantly, and I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down. I knew I was getting myself into a state, but I couldn't help it. My mind _always_ won. I rolled my eyes, trying to focus on something. Anything else that wasn't negative thoughts nagging around in my mind.  
"Do you think I'm over-protective?" Finn mumbled softly.  
I looked up at him and shrugged,  
"A little, but I like it. Why?"  
Finn shrugged slightly and then he looked down at me,  
"Chloe 'ad a massive rant to me on the phone this afternoon. Claims I was bein' a fuckin' over-protective bastard, that needed to give you some space."  
I sat up and looked down at him, my face filled with disgust,  
"You serious?"  
Finn nodded,  
"Yeah."  
I took a steady breath, running my hands through my hair,  
"What gives her the right?" I asked, mainly to myself, as I shook my head.  
Finn leaned up on his elbows, sighing slightly,  
"Babe, let it go. Please? Ah din't mean to cause ought between you an' Chloe."  
I nodded at him, but inside, my blood was boiling. I was so fucking angry. How dare Chloe. How dare she turn around and complain about my relationship. Finn wrapped his arms around me, as he laid back and he laid me back too. Resting my head on my chest, Finn kissed the top of my head softly,  
"Let's sleep, Rae-Rae."  
I nodded,  
"Okay." I murmured.  
"I love you."  
"I love you too." I replied, and after a few minutes, I glanced up at him, seeing that he was fast asleep. Carefully moving out of his grip, I sat up again, and I placed my head in my hands. I shook my head, as the shock washed over me. I leaned over Finn, turning on my lamp, and picking up my diary. I swallowed slowly, leaning my back against the wall, as I opened my diary to a new clean page:

_Dear Diary,  
How dare she! How fucking dare she! She  
thinks because she's Princess Chloe, that everything  
she says is fucking right! Well it isn't! She knows nothing  
about Finn's and my relationship! And he is not  
over-protective of me! Is he fuck! He cares about me!  
I __finally__ have someone that cares about me, that actually  
asks me how __I'm__ doing, and she's trying to take that away  
from me? It's bad enough that she made me feel like shit  
for weeks when I first got out of the hospital, asking me about  
my sexual experiences, when she knew full well that  
I was a virgin, making me look like a fucking Barbie doll  
for my date with Archie, thankfully he didn't show up, and  
I didn't have him looking at me and fucking laughing  
for looking like a complete twat. She also said I was fat,  
and that boys don't like fat girls because they're  
scared that their friends will laugh. Well, she was  
fucking wrong. Because Finn did love me. In fact, he's  
fucking told me that he wants to marry me someday! And  
I love him. That's all that matters. He's not over-protective  
and he's not anything else. He's my Finn, and I love him._

_I'm gonna have to talk to her and set this straight. I am  
sick and tired of being in Chloe's shadow. And I think,  
honestly, she misses that. She was the girl that everyone  
loved and all the boys loved her, talked to her, etc. But  
now that I had Finn and Izzy had Chloe, she had no one  
to feel superior to. And that wasn't my problem. Ugh, I am  
so fucking mad right now._

I closed my diary shut, quickly putting it back and I turned off my lamp. Laying back down onto Finn's chest, I snuggled into his side, and I closed my eyes; feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I slowly fell into a deep slumber, the sound of Finn's heartbeat calming me instantly.

* * *

I woke up the next day, seeing that I was alone. There was a small note on the pillow beside me, and I picked it up, reading it:

_Heard your mum and Karim wake up around 6, so  
I quickly made a dash for it, before they went  
downstairs. Miss you already. I love you, and  
see you at the pub. Finn. Xo_

I smiled to myself, climbing out of bed, and I stuffed Finn's note into my diary, and then I walked over to my wardrobe, getting out a pair of faded blue jeans, a black long-sleeved t-shirt, and then a red t-shirt. I quickly changed into my clothes, and then I got out my red basketball converses, pulling them onto my feet and then fastening them. I got up, tying my hair up into a ponytail, and then I walked into the bathroom, brushing my teeth.

* * *

I arrived at Chloe's house twenty minutes. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door, and then I shifted on the ground, moving the bag strap on my shoulder slightly, as I waited impatiently. Chloe opened the door, and her eyes lit up,  
"Rae, hi!" She seemed surprised and also worried.  
"Can I come in?" I breathed out. "Ah need t'talk to ya."  
"Uh—sure." Chloe stuttered, stepping aside and opening the door wider.  
I walked inside and then we both made our way upstairs and into Chloe's bedroom. She gestured me to sit down, but I refused, standing up in the middle of her room, folding my arms over my chest, as I stared at her,  
"What the fuck are ya playin' at, Chloe?" I asked her.  
She was taken back at my outburst, as she stared up at me,  
"What do y'mean?" She asked quietly.  
I scoffed,  
"Y'know exactly what ah mean, Chlo. Why the fuck did ya tell Finn that he's over-protective?"  
"Because he is?" She replied, the obvious _duh_ implied in her face.  
I rolled my eyes,  
"No he isn't, Chloe. He's perfect for me. he makes me feel better, he asks me how my day was, and he actually cares about me."  
Chloe scoffed,  
"What? and we don't?"  
"No." I shook my head. "I'm not sayin' that, Chloe. Ah'm just saying that instead of everyone askin' you how you are, it's nice to have some of the attention on me for a change." I shrugged slightly.  
Chloe rolled her eyes,  
"It's always on you, Rae. That's what you don't get. The whole gang loves you! and you didn't have to do anything. You were yourself, and they fell in love with you! me? I had to try so hard to get 'em to like me. So don't say that it's all about me, because you're wrong."  
I shook my head,  
"I'm not just on about the gang. I'm on about all the boys and shit."  
"What're you trying to say, Rae?"


	8. Chapter 8

Chloe stood up from her bed and she walked over to me, folding her arms over her chest and she walked over to me, her eyebrows raised.  
"Well? I'm waiting."  
I took a deep steady breath,  
"You know exactly what I'm tryin' to say, Chloe."  
"No, no I don't. Why don't you just spit it out?"  
"Okay." I nodded sighing slightly. "Okay, fine." I said, a little bit more confidently. "Chloe, I love you. You're my best friend, and we've known each other for a long time, and it's been great. But for as long as I can remember, I've been in your shadow! Sure, at first, it was alright. But now I'm sixteen and I'm just. I'm sick of it. When I came home from the hospital, it was always me and you talkin' to all the lads that ya flirted with, and they weren't talkin' to me. They were talkin' to you." Chloe rolled her eyes, and I knew that she was thinking of the last time I told her this. "And now I've got a boyfriend, and you haven't. You're not some relationship expert, Chloe. This is my relationship. Mine and Finn's. It has nothing to do with you, so just…" I licked my lips. "Butt out."  
Chloe raised her eyebrows at me and she scoffed,  
"Fine. Fine, I won't tell my best friend's boyfriend when I think he's being a fucking idiot, when he clearly is, and I'll leave you both to it. But don't go crying to me when he breaks up with ya for someone else, and he leaves you crying on the fucking curb!"  
I was taken back by her outburst, blinking a couple of times,  
"What makes you think he's gonna break up with me?" I asked hesitantly.  
"Oh, come on, Rae! We both know what you're like with your insecurities."  
"How? How could you possibly know, Chloe? You're too self-involved with yourself! You don't know what's goin' on in my head whenever I'm alone! You don't know what I write in my diary. You never ask me how I'm doing!"  
"Can ya blame me? You're always by Finn's side! There is a life aside from your boyfriend, y'know?"  
"That's rich coming from you! When you were with Stephen, all you cared about was bragging about having sex and being on the pill and getting pregnant!" I shouted. "When in the same week, I had my first kiss, my first proper date, and… And I even got my period back!"  
Chloe shot me a bewildered look, but I just shook my head, turning away from her and I stormed out of her bedroom, storming downstairs and out of the front door. I charged down the driveway and down her street, trying my best to keep myself calm. I didn't know where to go. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to go to Finn's. I needed to go somewhere. Somewhere where I could rant – vent.

* * *

"I wasn't expecting to see you, Rae." Kester commented, opening the door to his front door wider, and I walked in, walking straight into the living room. I sat down on the leather swivel chair, and I sighed deeply. "You wanna tell me what's happened?" He asked me.  
"Had a fight with Chloe." I mumbled; my back turned to him.  
"What about?"  
I sighed, turning the chair to face Kester,  
"I told Finn about the time that I burnt myself in the shower, after Archie stood me up. So when he saw Archie, he went ballistic. He made him go outside and he grabbed him by the collar. He didn't do anything, because at the end of the day, it wasn't really Archie's fault. Not really. And then before Finn came to apologise to me, Chloe had phoned him up and called him a fucking bastard and over-protective." I shrugged slightly. "So ah went round to her house and I told her where to go."  
"Do you wanna elaborate on that?" Kester asked.  
"I told her that I was sick of bein' under her shadow, and that for once, it's me with the boyfriend, and that she needs to stay out of my relationship. Chloe told me not to come cryin' to 'er when Finn dumps me for someone else and I'm cryin' on a curb…" I trailed off the last sentence, looking down at my lap, and I swallowed slowly. "He's gonna leave me, isn't he? Chloe's right. He's gonna find someone else, and-and-and-"  
"Rae." Kester sighed. "You're doing it again. You're letting your thoughts get the better of you. You need to stop this nonsense. It's not good for you. You and Chloe have had a fight and maybe it'll cool off after a few days, I don't know, but you and Finn are fine right now. Focus on that. Stop focusing on the negatives."  
"School starts soon." I told him. "Two weeks."  
"Are you nervous about that?" I nodded silently. "And why's that?"  
"Because it's crazy there. It made me crazy. That place is the reason why I was in here in the first place." Kester nodded, showing me that he understood.  
"You've just got to believe that you'll be fine, and then you'll see that it's true."  
I gave him a small smile,  
"I'm sorry that I just showed up here. I didn't wanna tell Finn, and I had no one else to talk to this about with."  
Kester smiled back at me,  
"It's fine, Rae. You're always welcome here."  
I gave him a bigger smile.

* * *

It was a little after noon when I strolled into the pub. I walked over to our usual table, sitting down beside Finn and I smiled,  
"Hiya."  
"Raemundo! Finally turned up, baby girl, eh?" Chop grinned.  
I let out a laugh and I nodded,  
"Yeah, sorry. I was a little lost wi' time."  
"Ah, that's alright."  
I turned to Finn and I smiled at him, kissing his cheek softly. He gave me a grin, and I instantly returned it.  
"So ladies," Chop sanded his hands together, "you all excited for your first year of sixth form, eh?"  
I tensed beside Finn, and he noticed this, as I saw him look at me from the corner of my eye. Izzy beamed, clapping her hands and she squealed, bouncing on her seat,  
"Yes! I'm so excited! Because then I get to finally choose the subjects that I wanna do!"  
"And what's that?" Chop smiling.  
I cocked my head to the side, listening intently to their conversation, trying to ignore my own thoughts. And as soon as I felt Finn's hand placed gently onto my thigh, I smiled to myself, feeling myself relax.  
"I wanna do drama, um… art! And…. I don't know."  
"Art?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows together. Izzy looked at me, and she grinned wide nodding fast. "Ah din't know ya liked to draw, Iz."  
"Oh aye. She fuckin' loves it! She's always drawin' somethin' when she's at mine." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Chloe? What're you gonna do?"  
Chloe looked up from her lap and she blinked twice, a smile appearing on her face. I began to zone out, staring at Finn's drink, resting my head against his shoulder gently,  
"Well, I'm gonna do food technology." I scoffed quietly. _You can't even fucking make toast._ I thought to myself. "And… I might do something different. Like something more educational. Y'know?"  
I glanced up at Finn, seeing that his eyes were on Chloe. His eyebrows were raised, and his face was filled with disgust. I looked back down at the table, trying not to laugh out loud.  
"Educational?" Izzy asked.  
Chloe nodded,  
"Yeah."  
"Like what?"  
She shrugged,  
"I dunno… Like Maths or somethin'."  
"How about Geography? Won't be so bad." Finn suggested.  
My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. _Why was he helping her?_ I asked myself. I felt Finn's finger place on my thigh gently, as he picked up his pint and he slowly took a sip: _HARDEST SUBJECT_ he wrote. I bit my bottom lip, trying to stifle my laughter.  
"Anyway, aren't you supposed to have this figured out before you leave? Rae?" I looked at Archie. "What're you doing?"  
"Um…" I sighed slightly. "English, food tech and… I can't remember the last one. Oh! Radio!"  
Archie smiled,  
"You're gonna fuckin' love it."  
I grinned, lifting my head up from Finn's shoulder,  
"Ah was thinkin' about askin' if I could change food tech to music though."  
"Sounds good, Rae-Rae." I smiled at Finn, and then I picked up his pint, taking a sip. Finn chuckled. "Help yourself."  
I grinned at Finn,  
"Don't mind if ah do."  
"So, Chloe?" I rolled my eyes, thankful that only Archie and Finn could see. Who just smiled at me, trying not to laugh, and then we all turned our attention back to Chloe and Izzy. "Have you found any boy to target?" Izzy grinned.  
Chop looked over at Finn, and they both rolled their eyes, and Archie just chuckled into his pint. Me? I sat there, my eyes gazing down at mine and Finn's entwined hand. I was bored. Completely bored. Bored of talking about Chloe, bored of hearing about boys and extremely bored talking about school. As both Izzy and Chloe both began to ramble on and on about Chloe's latest target, I decided to join the lads' conversation.  
"So, Finny Boy? You made any decisions about school yet?"  
I swallowed slowly, looking at Finn. He shook his head,  
"Nah. Thinking I'll go back and see how it is first."  
Chop shrugged,  
"It's up to you, man. Do whatever you gotta do."  
Finn nodded,  
"Think I owe me mam and dad by just trying it again. Even though I did shit in the first year." He chuckled. "You're alright, you. You've got the garage sortin' you out. And you were complainin' about not knowin' if ya wanna go to school. You ain't gonna go back, cause ya din't even go last year."  
Chop shrugged,  
"No point in goin' if I have me future planned out for me."  
Both Finn and I nodded, and Archie adjusted his glasses,  
"It'll be weird though. All of us in different classes, barely seeing each other and all that."  
I swallowed slowly again. That was one of the thoughts that I was trying to keep out of my head. Finn leaned into me,  
"You want a drink?" He whispered softly.  
I looked at him and smiled, nodding. We both got up and we made our way over to the bar, as Archie and Chop began to talk about sixth form. Finn leaned his left elbow against the bar, his body turned to me,  
"Y'alright?"  
I looked away from the table and to Finn, nodding with a smile on my face,  
"Course I am."  
Finn stroked some hair away from my cheek,  
"Y'sure? You not scared of anythin'?"  
I sighed slightly,  
"A little. But a little scared is alright." I reminded him.  
Finn smiled at me, turning to the barman,  
"Two pints, please."  
"Fuckin' Geography, Finn?" I laughed, shaking my head.  
He gave me an innocent look,  
"Wha? Thought I'd help her out."  
I gave him a look, and then I shook my head, laughing again,  
"You're a fuckin' cheeky bastard."  
Finn leaned over, kissing my cheek softly,  
"And you fuckin' love it."  
"Mmm." I giggled. "I think ah need a job."  
Finn looked at me with a confused expression on his face,  
"What made ya say that?"  
I shrugged slightly,  
"Ah need money for some new clothes."  
"What's wrong with the clothes you've got?"  
"Nothin'. But y'know what they say: new year, new clothes."  
Finn rolled his eyes,  
"You look beautiful in the clothes you wear now."  
I blushed slightly, a smile on my face, as I looked away from him and at the barman.  
"That everything?" The barman asked.  
Finn nodded,  
"Yeah please, mate." He handed the barman a ten-pound note, and then he looked back at me. "It'll be different at school. We'll have none of the same classes, but we've chosen almost every single subject, except English. Ah'll get to talk to ya about it all, and even if ah don't stay in school, ah still can."  
I smiled at him,  
"Don't feel the need to go back because of me, Finn." I told him.  
He shook his head,  
"Nah, babe. Okay, it's one of my reasons. Ah wanna see why ah've never seen ya before this summer. But seriously, my mum an' dad are pissed that I'm thinkin' about leavin'. They told me to give it another go, so ah'm gonna."  
"Well, that's good, Finn."  
The barman gave Finn his change back, and then he picked up our pints, and we both made our way over to the table again, sitting down, Finn placing my pint in front of me,  
"Thanks, Finnypoo." I grinned, kissing his cheek softly.  
I noticed that his cheeks blushed ever so slightly, and I grinned bigger at the sight.  
"Anyway." Izzy cleared her throat. "Rae?"  
I looked over at Izzy,  
"Yeah?"  
"A little birdie tells me that you and Finn have a date on Wednesday."  
I blushed a little and I smiled, nodding,  
"Yeah we do."  
"How about you come over to mine and the three of us will get you ready?"  
I glanced at Chloe and Chloe glanced at me, and then I looked back at Izzy,  
"Sounds good." I smiled at the wide grin on her face. I took sip of my pint, and then I sighed slightly. I was fucked. I was going to have to speak to Chloe in just… five days. _Fuck._ I thought to myself. I either needed to sort things out with her, or we needed to make Izzy cancel this idea. The latter seemed more doable right now.

* * *

"Ah'm fuckin' starvin'!" Chop announced, banging his hand down against the table for emphasis.  
Chloe sighed,  
"Me too!"  
Everyone wasn't drunk. But we did feel the buzz inside us.  
"Chippy?" Chop suggested.  
We all agreed, standing up and sliding on our jackets, and then I linked my arm through Finn's, leaning into him, as we walked out of The Black Swan and down the street.  
"_What's the story morning glory?  
Well, need a little time to wake up._" Chop began to sing.  
Finn and I looked at each other, shaking our heads and laughing.  
"Come on, guys! Don't leave me hangin'!" Chop complained.  
"How about this one?" Finn suggested, and then he cleared his throat.  
"_Last night I dreamt,  
That somebody loved me._"  
I grinned, instantly joining in,  
"_No hope - but no harm;  
Just another false alarm.  
Last night I felt,  
Real arms around me._"  
Finn and I laughed, and then we leaned in, kissing each other's lips deeply once.  
"Get a room!" Archie called over to us, as we pulled away.  
Finn unlinked our arms, wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me in closer to him, as he stuck his middle finger up at Archie, who just laughed in response. We all walked into the chippy, and then we found a table of six: Chop, Izzy, Chloe, Archie, me and then Finn. The chip shop manager came over to me,  
"What can I get ya?" He asked.  
"Two pizzas, please? Just cheese, for me an' me lovely lady right here." He gestured to Izzy, who blushed and grinned big, looking down at the table.  
"Can I have some fish, please?" Archie asked.  
"Chips for me, please." Chloe ordered.  
"Um… Can we both have a battered sausage, please?" Finn then ordered.  
The chip shop manager nodded, scribbling down our orders, and then he walked away. I raised my eyebrows at Finn,  
"How'd you know ah wanted a battered sausage?"  
Finn chuckled softly,  
"Ah saw ya lookin' at it on the menu a second ago."  
I nodded,  
"Ohhhhh!"  
He laughed, kissing my cheek softly, and then he looked up at the chip shop manager,  
"Sorry, mate?" The manager looked over at him. "Can we have six cokes too, please?"  
"Sure thing!" He called over, and then he continued with our orders.  
"Okay, what song's next?" Chop asked, with a grin on his face.  
I rolled my eyes,  
"How about _What She Said_ by **The Smiths**?" I suggested.  
Chop chuckled,  
"Is it a Smiths special or somethin', Raemundo?"  
I shrugged, laughing slightly,  
"Sure, why not?"  
"How's it go again?"  
"_What she said:  
"How come someone hasn't noticed,  
that I'm dead._" Archie began to sing, with a grin on his face.  
Me, Chop and Finn instantly began to join in,  
"_And decided to bury me  
God knows, I'm ready"  
What she said was sad  
but then, all the rejections she's had  
to pretend to be happy  
could only be idiocy._" We all stopped when we heard the manager shushing us, and we all burst out into fits of laughter.  
"You guys are crazy!" Izzy giggled, shaking her head.  
"Jus' cause you like fuckin' Mariah Carey, Iz!" I replied, with a grin on my face.  
"If I remember likely, you liked that song!" She grinned at my dropped face.  
Finn looked at me,  
"You what?"  
"I did not say that ah liked it!"  
"What? You were proper bobbing your head along to it!" Chloe joined in.  
"Oh aye?" Archie smirked.  
I rolled my eyes,  
"Fuck off all of ya."  
The rest of the gang laughed and Finn leaned in,  
"I think we need to discuss your taste in music, Rae-Rae." He whispered in my ear, before kissing my neck softly.  
I rolled my eyes looking at him,  
"Ah don't like it." I whispered back at him.  
Finn just smirked at me, giving me a wink, and I huffed, folding my arms over my chest.  
The manager came over to us with our orders, and then we all began tucking in.  
"Fuckin' 'ell. Gotta work tomorrow!" Chop groaned.  
Finn laughed shaking his head,  
"Ya gotta bring the rent 'ome, granddad."  
"Oh, piss off, Finny Boy."  
I laughed shaking my head.  
"If I'm the daddy, Rae's the mummy, then you 'ave to be the granddad, because we ain't earnin' money yet."  
"I'm way too fucking good looking to be the granddad of this group! Can't it be Archers? He's always talking about shit back in't the day!"  
I gasped, throwing my napkin at Chop,  
"You be nice to him!" I defended.  
Chop rolled his eyes,  
"Fine!"  
"And anyway." Chloe piped in. "If we're all gonna be family members, then that's bloody weird, because then it'll be a known fact. Having Rae and Finn as the mummy and daddy is fine, but that's it."  
I nodded in agreement, and so did everyone else, and then we all began eat our food once again.


	9. Chapter 9

"_The weekend is back,  
But so is he.  
Head to the floodlights,  
See the fraternity;  
They're waiting.  
I hear them up in the north,  
And down in the south.  
And all that is spewing,  
Spewing out of his mouth.  
Entertain me, entertain me.  
Entertain me, entertain me._"  
Blur played on my stereo, as I began to write in my diary:

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is Monday. And that means it's been two_  
_days since I've last seen Finn. How have I been?_

I thought about the past few days.  
_"Bored. Fucking bored as fuck!" I groaned, throwing one of my pillows onto the floor. I walked over to my bedroom window, sighing deeply, as I looked out, seeing Mrs. Dewherst standing at her window. She gave me a small smile and a wave, and I did the same. But when I turned away, I rolled my eyes. "I'm just like fuckin' her! A lonely old fuckin' woman!" I complained, tipping my head back and I groaned again. _

_Picking up my rucksack, I opened the front door and I walked outside, closing the door behind me. I walked down the street, humming along to Oasis, and then I made my way over to the park. As I began to walk over the bridge, I paused, standing near the beginning, so I wasn't caught. I saw Finn. He was playing football with the lads. And once again, he was fucking shirtless, making me want to melt in his arms. I swallowed slowly, watching his perfectly formed back stretching out and arching, as he ran for the ball and kicked it into the goal. He threw his arms into the air, a loud, "Wooohooo!" echoed around the field. I shook my head, a wide smile on my face, as I made my way away from the park._  
I snapped back to reality, and I cleared my throat slightly, beginning to write again:

_Does being completely and utterly in need of a_  
_certain Finn Nelson count as how I've been? Watching_  
_him play football on Saturday kinda turned me_  
_on more than I expected. We call each other every_  
_night still, which I like. I like speaking to him and_  
_seeing how his day has gone. I'm also currently making_  
_a scrapbook, adding the pictures that Finn and I took_  
_when he was staying at my house. It's looking good_  
_so far. I haven't spoken to Chloe yet, and I'm kind of_  
_shitting it, as well. On Wednesday, we'll both be going_  
_round to Izzy's, and we're going to have to pretend that_  
_everything's alright. I'm shitting it. I'm also beginning to_  
_panic, because Izzy said I'm gonna be getting ready_  
_at hers. And the last time I got ready with those_  
_two, it was for Archie's date, which he never came to._

_Finn came and told me, and he asked me why I_  
_was dressed like Chloe. Fuck. What if they make me_  
_look ridiculous again? What if I look like some sort_  
_of slut? What if they dress me up so much, that  
I hate myself? Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god.  
Okay, breathe, Rae. Just take deep breaths. You_  
_can do this. Finn loves you, and he loves the way_  
_you look. Izzy and Chloe know this. They won't make_  
_you look like an idiot again. They learnt their lesson_  
_from last time, and Finn told them before the sleepover_  
_that I don't need it._

_Anyway, I'm going. Off to see Tixy at the hospital.  
Bye._

* * *

I arrived at the hospital forty-five minutes later, and then I walked inside, making my way over to where Tix currently was. I walked in and she grinned at me,  
"Hi, Skinny!"  
I grinned back at her,  
"Hey, Fatty. You fancy a walk outside today?"  
She beamed at me, and then Tix climbed off the bed, and we both made our way out of her room, and outside of the hospital. We began to walk around the car park,  
"So, Rae? You excited for your date on Wednesday?"  
I nodded, a smile instantly appearing on my face,  
"Yeah. I'm just a little nervous about going to Izzy's though." I sighed.  
"Because of Chloe?" Tix asked, with a sympathetic look on her face. I was glad that I had decided to go and see Tixy yesterday. We spent most of the day together, and it was really nice. It was like the old days.  
I nodded,  
"Yeah. But maybe it'll be okay? Y'know? Like, maybe we'll just get through it."  
"Or maybe she won't come?" Tix suggested.  
I sighed deeply,  
"I hope she doesn't, if I'm honest."  
I saw something in the corner of my eye, and my eyebrows furrowed together,  
"Tix, hide." I whispered, hiding behind the wall of the hospital. Tix followed after me, and I peered my head around the corner. My mouth dropped open. My heart dropped, and it felt like I could hear it drop onto the floor and smash into tiny little pieces. I saw Finn. He was standing there with a girl, and they were close. Really close. As in, inches apart. Finn grabbed her face and he kissed her deeply.  
"What the hell's he doin'?" I asked, my eyes glued to them.  
Tix shrugged slightly,  
"Kissing her."  
I looked over my shoulder at Tix, my confusion growing more. _Kissing her?! Kissing her?! That's all she has to say?! Finn was cheating on me and that's all she had to fucking say?_ I asked myself. I scoffed, and I stood up straight, licking my lips, and I turned to Tix,  
"Sorry, but I gotta go. Um, I'll see you soon."  
I rushed off before Tix could say anything, and I rushed down the streets, as the tears filled my eyes. I was heartbroken. I was absolutely heartbroken. Chloe was right. Chloe was right, my thoughts my right, _I_ was right. When I finally arrived home, I rushed upstairs, closing the door behind me and I broke down; sobbing, as I made my way over to my bed. I grabbed my diary and I opened it up to today's entry:

_HE IS A FUCKING PRICK! I WAS JUST AT THE_  
_HOSPITAL, AND I JUST SAW FINN. HE WAS WITH_  
_SOME FUCKING BROWN-HAIRED SLUT! THEY WERE_  
_KISSING. WELL, __HE__ KISSED __HER__! HOW DARE HE! HE_  
_KNOWS THAT I GO HERE OFTEN, SO HOW DARE HE  
THINK THAT I WOULDN'T EVER FUCKING FIND_  
_OUT! WHAT A COMPLETE AND UTTER KNOBHEAD! I  
HATE HIM. I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE PRICK! I NEVER,  
EVER WANNA __SEE HIM AGAIN__!_

I slammed my diary shut, throwing it onto the floor, as I lay down on my stomach, stuffing my face into my pillow, as I sobbed harder. I felt so empty and useless. I felt like an idiot. I felt like I was right all along. I knew that Finn and me together were too good to be true. I just knew it. He was clearly with me for a bet, and it was about time that I ended things. If I ended things now then maybe I could get over it sooner rather than later. _Fat chance._ I thought to myself. The image of Finn kissing that girl was imprinted into my head. It was like a broken record, playing over and over again. My heart was becoming tighter and tighter, and I was scared that at any moment, it was going to explode. _What was I going to do?_ I asked myself. I had no one. I had no one whom I could talk to this about. Chloe and me weren't talking; Tix seemed oblivious to the whole situation and Kester. Well, it would be simply me telling him, "I told you so." I didn't want that. Not yet. I wanted to hear Finn out. I wanted to hear him come over to me tomorrow, and tell me what he did. Tell me what he did to me and why he did it. That's all I wanted. I squeezed my eyes shut, and I sobbed even harder, my whole body shaking. It felt just like the Archie situation all over again. And my legs were itching. Just like that night. And as much as I tried to ignore the nagging whispers in my head, telling me to just do something to ease the pain, I found myself hyperventilating. I quickly sat up, resting my head in my hands, as I took slow, deep breaths, panting as I whispered,  
"1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10." I said quickly. When everything was still the same, I panicked. "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10." I said even more quickly. My eyes widened with fear. "1,2,3,45,6,7,8,9,10!" I screamed; my voice filled with frustration and anger. I banged my fist against my side table. "I can't take this!" I screamed to myself, standing up, curling my hands into tight fists. I was having a freak out. And I had nothing. Nothing to make everything alright. And then it hit me. The necklace. Finn's necklace. Swallowing slowly, I placed my thumb and index finger on the front and back of the f, and I squeezed it tightly, closing my eyes shut. After a few seconds, I felt my fingertips tingle, and a smile appeared on my lips. Even though he broke my heart, and he cheated on me, he still made me feel calm. Alive, even. I was double breathing, the sobbing wearing me out, and I tried my hardest to remain calm. But even though I was now calm, I could now see the situation more clearly: Finn cheated on me. With some slut. My whole body tensed up, as I stared lifelessly at the wall ahead of me. I had to wait. I had to wait until tomorrow to see if he'd do it. To see if he'd feel so guilty, that he'll just come out with it. But what if he didn't? What if he thought that it was a one-time thing and that because he didn't think I saw it, he didn't feel the need to tell me? I needed hope. Hope that it was all just a misunderstanding. I closed my eyes, and then I lay back against my bed, as I thought about today. Thinking about how I'd been so happy and excited to phone Finn today, and now, now I wished he never phoned. I didn't want the fake peppiness and excitement from his voice that he didn't even mean. I felt like the whole world was ending. But not all of it: just mine. I opened my eyes and I stared up at the moons and stars that were stuck to my ceiling. He promised he would never leave me. He promised me that he'd wanna marry me when we're older. He lied. So why wouldn't I? Why couldn't I take back my promise? He did. _Because you're a better person than he is._ My mind told me. I swallowed slowly, closing my eyes again, as the tears poured down my cheeks. For once, my mind was right, and I wasn't disagreeing. I was the better person. I didn't cheat. I didn't lie. Finn did. Finn lied. He cheated. He was the one that kissed another girl. Not me. Finn. I took a deep, shaky breath. I sniffed, hearing the front door open and close, and I checked the time: 2:45 p.m. Mum was early. Sitting up quickly, I wiped the tears away from my face, and I stood up, rushing out of my bedroom and into the bathroom, closing it behind me. I ran the tap water, and I leaned my hands against the sink counter, taking a couple deep breaths, before I splashed my face with the cold water, the temperature shocking me. I dried my face and then I put the towel back, and I walked out of the bathroom, meeting my mum on the hallway,  
"Oh, hello, Rachel. I wasn't expecting you back so soon. I thought you were going to see Tix today?"  
I cleared my throat, nodding,  
"I did go see 'er. Cut it short though, as I'm not feeling too well."  
My mum frowned, placing her hand on my forehead,  
"You don't have a temperature."  
I nodded,  
"I know. I just feel… sick." I lied.  
My mum nodded,  
"Well, go into your room and I'll come check up on you in an hour."  
I nodded again, walking back into my bedroom, and I pulled back the covers, lying underneath them, and I sighed deeply. I opened my side table draw, getting out my travel Sony walkman out, and I put my headphones on, and then I turned it on, closing my eyes, as the sweet sound of _She's So High_ by **Blur** began to play. I smiled to myself, the relaxation taking over my whole body.  
_"__I see her face _  
_Everyday _  
_I see her face _  
_It doesn't help me _  
_She's so high _  
_I want to crawl all over her.__"_ I sung along to the song, trying to distract myself. Trying to ignore the aching pain in my chest. Trying to ignore the images that rushed into my head, the image of Finn's lips pressed against the brunette's. The feeling of feeling so crushed, it made me itch. _Really_ itch. I honestly felt like an idiot. A fat, useless, ugly idiot. I instantly turned the volume up higher, the lyrics now screaming into my eardrums. But I didn't care. It was relaxing. It was soothing. It was therapy. I could feel my temples throbbing at the volume, and my heart was racing from the shock, but I didn't care. A few seconds later, I screamed, feeling my headphones being taken off from my head,  
"Rachel!" My mum screamed. "What the fuck are you doing? There is no need to have your music playing so loud!"  
I swallowed, looking at my mum with wide eyes,  
"I-I-I…" I trailed off, not knowing what to say. I bit my lip, the tears filling in my eyes, and I felt my bottom lip begin to quiver.  
"Rachel?" She gasped, sitting down beside me, and I curled up into a ball, sobbing hard once again. "Rachel? What is it? What's wrong? Is it Finn?"  
I didn't respond. I didn't know _how_ to respond. I wouldn't know what to say, how she'd react, and honestly, we weren't that family. We didn't share things and tell each other how we're feeling. That's why I went crazy in the first place. Because I had no one. My mum stroked my arm as I sobbed, and I could tell that she was uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do. Did I tell her to leave? Tell her to fuck off and leave me alone? I couldn't do that. She was actually caring. But I didn't want to tell her my problems. I didn't want sympathy. I knew it was going to happen one day, so why was I reacting so pathetically? I had a personal countdown clock in my head. Three weeks. That's how long it took. Twenty-two days. It took him longer than I originally expected. My first instinct was that he was going to dump me when we were alone for the fortnight. The first few days, was my prediction. And then we got into a routine, and I predicted the day after he went home. I was wrong. Surprisingly. It may have taken him a little bit longer to make him leave, but he still did. He cheated. He kissed some brown haired slut, and he liked it. Obviously. Why wouldn't he? She was probably ten times more experienced than me.  
"There's a steak pie downstairs for you." My mum told me.  
I sighed deeply, shaking my head,  
"Not hungry." I mumbled.  
I heard a small sigh escape from her mouth,  
"Rachel-"  
"I said: I'm. Not. Fucking. Hungry." I sniffed.  
My mum scowled at me, before she stood up and walked out of my room silently. I stood up, making my way over to my desk, sitting down on my chair and I flipped through the scrapbook that I had started. I began skimming my fingertips over the pictures that Finn and I had taken at the park, fresh tears appearing in my eyes. I sniffed, as a smile appeared on my face. We looked so happy here. So happy, so carefree and so in love. What happened? What changed? _Finn changed. His opinion on me and other girls changed. That_'s what happened. I told myself. Sighing shakily, I nodded to myself. _Maybe we could be friends?_ I asked myself. But could we? Could we really go back to just being friends again? A lot has happened since we were last just friends. We had made love, we had done so many things, experienced so many amazing things together. Looking over the pictures again, a new pang of sadness appeared inside me. One of us would have to leave the group. And it'd be me. Why? Because it wouldn't be fair to Finn. They were his friends first. I was only Chloe's friend. Well, was. Right now, we weren't really anything. And if we did end up becoming friends and burying the hatchet, then I'm sure she could fit me in and see me whenever she wanted. Finn would go back to being the grumpy sod that he was, smoking his cigarettes and drinking beer in silence. Girls would be all over him, or he'd just stick with the girl that he was making out with today. I swallowed thickly, staring closely at the picture of Finn kissing my cheek. It was the first time we'd gone to the field in the two weeks we had spent alone. His eyes were lit up with happiness and love. The grin on his face was so wide; he looked like he was about to explode with the happiness that showed on his face. So why? Why did he do it? Was he forced? Did she provoke him? Did she dare him to do it? Maybe if he kissed her, she'd leave him alone? None of this made sense. I looked at my face. I was smiling, even though I was kissing his cheek. My eyes were looking at Finn's as I was kissing his cheek. I could tell that I was giggling as well. And that made my heart flutter. We looked so happy here. So in love and so perfect. Quickly closing the scrapbook, I stood up, and I made my way out of my bedroom and into the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I turned on the warm water, stripping out of my clothes, and then I stepped under the water, letting the water fall onto me and then slide off me; the warm water relaxing me instantly.


	10. Chapter 10

_Dear Diary,  
Today was Tuesday, and I was shitting it! Why? Because  
today we were all meeting at the pub. What was I going to  
say to him? Do I avoid him? Act normal? Pretend I know  
nothing? I really didn't know, and I was petrified.  
Shitting it was the only way to describe it. As well as  
the whole Finn drama, I also had to deal with the Chloe  
drama, too. Who else knew about our fight? Had she  
told Izzy about it yet? Archie? Finn? Chop? Anyone?  
Would we pretend that everything was okay?  
Could we do that? I'll keep you updated, diary…_

Closing my diary, I stood up from my bed, giving myself a quick glance in the mirror, and then I made my way out of my bedroom, rushing downstairs, and I picked up my leather jacket; shrugging it on. I walked out the front door, and then I walked down my driveway.

* * *

When I arrived at the pub, I noticed that not everyone had arrived yet. Thankfully. I made my way over to the bar, and I smiled small at the barman,  
"One pint, please."  
The barman nodded, collecting a pint glass, and then he wandered over to the pumps. I drummed my fingertips against the counter, sighing deeply. I looked up at the clock: 1:54 p.m. I made a mental note not to stay too long if things got awkward. If it were bad, I'd just leave. Duck out. I'm sure no one would notice. Maybe Finn would. Maybe. The barman returned with my pint, and I smiled small at him, giving him the money and then I walked away, after picking up my glass, and I walked over to Chop and Izzy, sitting down nodding once,  
"Hiya."  
"Alright, Raemundo?" Chop greeted me cheerfully.  
I smiled small, nodding, as I took a sip of my drink, and I drifted my eyes over Chop's arm. It was wrapped around Izzy's shoulders, and her hand was resting on his thigh. I blinked twice, before averting my eyes to the table.  
"Chlo's busy working on a new target." Izzy informed me. And as I looked up at her, she nodded over to where Chloe was standing, near the exit. I watched her for a few seconds, and then I sighed quietly, looking back at my pint.  
"Where's the daddy, then?" Chop asked.  
I shrugged slightly. I licked my lips,  
"I'm gonna put some music on." I mumbled, picking up my glass and I shuffled away from the table, knowing that Chop and Izzy were sharing a confused expression to one another. I began skimming my eyes over the music options, and I settled for a **Blur** song – _Girls and Boys_. Sighing softly, I stood at the high table beside the jukebox, taking a sip of my pint, my heart racing, as I set my pint down.  
"Alright?" I heard Finn greet me.  
Turning around, I noticed that his arms were wide open. He stepped forward, leaning in to hug me, but I placed my hand on his chest, pushing him back,  
"Stop."  
He blinked twice, staring at me in confusion,  
"What?"  
I swallowed slightly, shaking my head,  
"I just. I'm not feeling too well, and I don't want ya to catch it." I lied.  
Finn stared at me, his eyes softening slightly,  
"Are ya alright? What's up with ya? Why ain't ya feelin' well?"  
I shrugged, letting out a small laugh,  
"Dunno. Jus' feelin' a bit… off."  
He nodded slowly, showing me that he understood, and then he scratched his cheek. I looked down at my pint, licking my suddenly dry lips again,  
"So… what did you get up to yesterday?"  
Finn shrugged,  
"Nought much. Jus' hung wi' Chop. What about you?"  
I looked up at Finn blankly, my heart breaking into even tinier pieces. _He's lying to my face._ I thought to myself. I faked a smile at him, and shrugged slightly,  
"Oh, y'know. Jus' went to the hospital to see Tix." _That'll fucking shit him up._ I said smugly to myself.  
Finn nodded with a smile on his face,  
"Sounds fun. How is Tix? Feel bad that I an't seen her, to be honest." He chuckled slightly.  
I let out a laugh, and my eyes narrowed at him. _This was the game he was going to play?_ I asked myself.  
"What time shall we meet up at the café tomorrow then?" Finn asked, leaning his elbow against the table where I was standing.  
I shrugged,  
"Dunno. Up to you."  
"Say about seven?" Finn suggested.  
I looked back up at him, smiling small and I nodded. Finn leaned over, kissing my cheek softly,  
"Guessin' you chose this?" He asked, nodding over to the jukebox.  
I nodded,  
"No one else has better taste in music, do they?" I asked, my voice sounding rude and sarcastic, but Finn didn't catch on. He laughed, shaking his head,  
"God, ah've missed ya. An' I only saw ya the other day."  
I blushed slightly,  
"I missed you too, Finn."  
"I'm gonna get a drink, aight? Won't be long."  
"Kay." I replied, watching Finn walk off to the bar. I sighed deeply, turning back to my table, and I picked up my glass, taking another sip of my beer.  
"Rae?"  
I turned around, and I gave Izzy a small smile,  
"Hiya."  
"Are you alright?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowing with concern. "You seem a bit… off."  
I blinked a couple of times, holding back the tears, and I swallowed slowly. Izzy's face dropped, as she stepped closer, wrapping her arms around my neck, hugging me. I placed my hand on her back, and then we pulled away seconds later,  
"Rae, what's wrong?"  
I glanced at the bar, seeing that Finn was standing there with Archie, and then I sighed, looking back at Izzy,  
"I went to the hospital yesterday to see my friend Tix, and I saw Finn. He was kissing another girl." I looked down at the floor.  
Izzy gasped slightly,  
"Oh my god, you're joking!" I shook my head. "Have you told him that you know?" I shook my head again. "Well, what did she look like?"  
I let out a single laugh,  
"Beautiful. Brunette hair, lovely dressed, girly, fully made up, everythin' I'm not."  
"Well…" Izzy bit her lip as she contemplated with herself. "We're gonna have to make you look like her then. Show Finn that you can look just as good. Even though you look amazing the way you are now."  
I smiled small at her,  
"Why would you do that?"  
"Um, because you're one of my best friends? And I love you and Finn together. I don't like seeing you sad, Rae." She admitted.  
I took a deep breath, glancing at Finn and then back at Izzy nodding. "Okay. I'm in. Tomorrow, yeah? Before my date?"  
Izzy nodded enthusiastically, with a grin on her face,  
"Yes! Don't tell Finn that you saw what you saw. He's gonna forget all about that slut when he gets a glimpse of you!"  
I rolled my eyes, laughing slightly, and then she linked her arm through mine, and I picked up my pint glass, Izzy leading me back over to our table. I sat down next to Finn, in my rightful seat; while Izzy sat opposite me, back beside Chop. Finn looked at me, and I could see it in the corner of my eye. I noticed him looking over all of my features, and the gesture almost made me melt there and then. _Don't tell Finn, don't tell Finn, don't tell Finn._ I recited in my head. I felt Finn's fingertip run over my arm, making me jump slightly, looking over at him,  
"Still feelin' off?" He mumbled against my shoulder, before kissing it softly.  
I tried not to cringe, as I nodded,  
"Mhm."  
He looked at me, and then I looked back at him,  
"Don't like it when ya sick, Rae-Rae."  
"Yeah." I mumbled. "Me either."  
Finn frowned and then he took a sip of his pint,  
"Ya wanna get outta here? Ah'll take you 'ome, and I'll make ya some soup."  
"No." I said quickly, and Finn looked at me with a confused look on his face. "I'm fine. I'll be fine." I told him, and then I looked at Izzy, whom was giving me a look. I sighed slightly, and then I looked down at my lap.  
"Off t'the loo." Finn grumbled, before standing up, and he walked over to the toilets. My eyes followed after him, and then I tipped my head to the side. _He's perfect. He's a fucking sex god. He's the fittest boy in Lincolnshire, and I thought I had a shot? I bet if he walked out in his Oasis shirt that makes him look fucking irresistible, all the girls would be all over him. Of course, at first, he'd tell them to piss off because he has a girlfriend, but after a while; he'd resist. He'd have to. All those gorgeous girls flinging themselves all over him. Why wouldn't he?_ Finn walked back out of the bathroom, and he noticed that I was watching him. Giving me a smile, I smiled back, and then he made his way back over. I blinked twice, and then I moved my eyes away from the bathroom door, and then I looked at Chop as he began to speak.  
"Listen up, listen up, listen up! Ah've got an announcement!" I raised my eyebrows at Chop, waiting for him to continue. "This Thursday, we're gonna go on a road trip, yeah?"  
"Road trip?" Finn asked, taking a sip of his pint and Chop nodded enthusiastically. "Where we off?"  
"We, my lovely Finny Boy, are goin' to the beach!"  
"The beach?" Both Archie and I asked at the same time.  
"Why do you wanna go to the beach?" Archie asked.  
"Because, Archers my lad, school is almost startin' again, which means that I'll be back to full-time at the garage, and you children are all back in education."  
I looked down at the table, thinking about tomorrow. _What if Finn and I are on bad terms after our date? What if it ends so bad that we can't even be in the same room? What happens then? Oh god._ I swallowed slowly, faking a smile, as everyone began to agree that it was a good idea, while my insides were churning with nerves.

* * *

"So which beach are we going to?" Chloe gasped, her eyes widening with excitement as she finally took her seat beside Chop at the table.  
"Scarborough, baby girl. The one and only!"  
"That's nearly three hours away!" Finn groaned.  
"I don't fuckin' care, Finny Boy!" Chop rolled his eyes. "We'll leave early. Say about seven? And then we'll get there for about ten! Then we have the whole day there."  
Izzy grinned big and she clapped her hands fast, squealing slightly. I let out a small laugh, shaking my head and the rest of the group laughed along.  
"I'm excited! All the fit boys at the beach, shirtless and wet and-"  
"Alright enough, Chloe!" Chop complained.  
_Thank god._ I thought to myself.  
Finn let out a huff of laughter, and I knew that he was thinking the same as me. I felt his fingertip begin to draw on my thigh: _SLUT_ he wrote. I bit my lip down, trying to hide my smile, and to stifle my laughter. Looking at Finn, he had a smirk on his face, and when our eyes met, he winked at me. Blushing softly, I looked away from him, and my chest tightened, my stomach giving me the empty feeling that I was preparing myself for. _Just enjoy it for now. It may be over tomorrow._ I told myself, shifting in my seat slightly. A lump was forming in my throat, and I tried to swallow it back down, but the feeling was still there, slowly rising once again.  
"Ah hope you're feelin' alright tomorrow, Rae-Rae." Finn murmured in my ear softly.  
Glancing at Izzy, I looked back at him and I smiled small,  
"I should be feeling grand tomorrow." My face had fallen into a slight smug expression, as Finn's face lit up with happiness, and then he leaned forward, pecking my lips softly. My stomach churned. _That slut had kissed those lips. Her lip glossed covered lips had touched Finn's lips. I bet that her tongue had slowly run along his bottom lip, and Finn opened his mouth with eager access._ I quickly shook my head, trying to ignore all the thoughts that were edging their way into my head. Finn was tapping his fingertip against my thigh along to the beat that was currently playing on the jukebox. It was a _Rolling Stones_ song, and the thought made me smile. It made me think back to our last time at the park, the day before Finn went home again. And we were talking about our favourite song at the time. I had told him when we arrived back at his motorbike that I was currently into _The Rolling Stones_ at the minute. Their song, _"Out of Tears"_ suddenly came to mind, and I couldn't help but inwardly laugh to myself. The song wasn't accurate. Not yet, anyway. Because I _wasn't_ out of tears. Not yet. _"__Make every song (you sing) your favorite tune. May the good Lord shine a light on you__"_ softly played in the background of all the murmured voices inside the pub, and as I glanced at Finn, I could see him bobbing his head along to the song. I wished this was easy. I wished that this situation could end exactly the same way as it did with Archie. But I wasn't stupid. I knew that everything would be different, and that we wouldn't be able to be in the same room as each other for a while. Or even, forever. Maybe the feelings that we had over this breakup, became so unbearable, that we'd never get over this. We were both new to love. We had never experience these types of feelings before, and that's what scared us. But it's also what made this relationship so sacred and so perfect. Finn had had flings in the past, and I assumed that that'd end when he got together with me. But clearly, it didn't. And clearly, I was stupid for thinking that. Chop sanded his hands together, a grin on his face,  
"Aight, so we'll meet outside the caf at seven, for openin' time, yeah?" He raised his eyebrows, waiting for everyone's response. When we all nodded and murmured our okay's, Chop grinned bigger in approval. Obviously he was the only one that was overly excited about this trip. Me on the other hand, I was bricking it. But I didn't want to be thinking about the future. I didn't want to think farther than tomorrow. Because that was the day that decisions were going to be made, things were going to change and confessions were going to be made. I licked my lips and then I pressed my lips together. Glancing at Izzy, she gave me a smile, and I returned it.  
"Hey, Rae? Will you come with me to the loos?"  
I nodded, standing up, making Finn's hand drop to his side, as we both made our way over to the ladies toilets. Once we were inside, I took a deep breath, and Izzy placed her hands onto my shoulders,  
"We'll get this sorted for you, Rae, I promise you. Don't worry; I've got your back. I'll tell Chloe-"  
My eyes widened slightly, as I shook my head quickly,  
"No! No, no, no, no, don't tell Chloe. Please!" I begged.  
Giving me a confused look, she nodded,  
"Okay, I won't tell Chloe. But we will stay at the café for a little bit, to make sure that you're okay. Yeah?"  
I nodded, swallowing slowly, flashbacks of my second date with Archie flashing into my head. _How well that had gone._ I told myself sarcastically. I gave Izzy a warm smile, and then we both walked back out of the ladies toilets and back over to the table.

* * *

It was hitting 5 p.m., and I was ready for going home. Finishing the last bit of my pint, I sighed deeply,  
"Right guys. I'm off." The gang began to groan, begging me to stay. I stood up, smiling slightly. "Nah, I best get off. Got stuff t'do."  
"Like wha?" Chop asked. "Bet its fuckin' shit that can wait until tomorrow."  
"Sorry, Chopper. Ah got a date tomorrow, ain't I?" I smiled, looking down at Finn, whom was smiling up at me. "See you tomorrow?"  
Finn nodded, standing up too,  
"Definitely." He leaned forward, kissing my lips softly once, and I tried to keep my smile realistic. "Ah'll walk ya home."  
I shook my head,  
"No it's fine. Ah've got to go to the shop for me mam first, so don't worry about it." Finn opened his mouth to protest further, but I sighed cutting him off. "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" Giving him a slight peck on his cheek, I waved at the gang, and then I rushed out of The Black Swan. Shrugging on my leather jacket, I then crossed my arms over my chest, as I my way down the street. Maybe lying to Finn was a little too far. I had already lied about why I didn't want a hug from him, but I didn't fancy making small talk with him all the way home.

* * *

Arriving home, I walked straight into the living room, seeing that Karim was sitting on the sofa watching the football. He glanced up at me, and he nodded,  
"Hello."  
I nodded back at him,  
"Hiya. Where's mum?" I asked him, biting my lip, waiting for Karim to become confused.  
"Linda?" He asked me.  
I blinked with surprise, and then I quickly nodded,  
"Yeah."  
"Um… work. Phone call." I nodded, understanding what he meant. And then he picked up a piece of paper from the seat beside him. "For you." He mumbled.  
I smiled slightly, walking over to the sofa, and I took the piece of paper from him,  
"Thanks."

_Rae, I had to go into work. My boss called,  
and they need me to do someone's shift. I'll  
be back around 7. There's a casserole in the  
oven waiting for you.  
Mum._

"Oh, okay." I mumbled to myself, before scrunching the note into a ball, and then I put the paper into the bin in the kitchen, before walking over to the oven and I turned it on, warming up my casserole. Opening the fridge door, I got out a bottle of water, closing the door after I did, and then I opened the lid, taking a sip from the bottle.

* * *

After eating my casserole and I tidied everything away, I made my way upstairs, and into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Turning on the shower, I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. I took a deep breath,  
"Finn will confess everything to you tomorrow." I recited to my reflection. "You're gonna show up tomorrow, and he's gonna take one look at you. He'll notice, and that's when you tell him that you thought he'd prefer this look rather than your own." I nodded in agreement to my reflection, and then I stripped off my clothes, stepping into the shower. I let the water fall onto my body, and I closed my eyes, standing there letting the water hit my body. I began imagining what it was going to be like on Thursday.

_I arrived at the café, and all the gang's eyes turned to me. A mixture of disgust and sadness in their eyes.  
"Eyup, Rae." Chop called as I took a seat beside him; distancing myself as far away from Finn as possible.  
I nodded once and then my eyes flickered over to Finn, who was sitting on the opposite side of the table, on the other side. His eyes were boring down at the table, his hands tapping against the table, as the gang fell into an uncomfortable silence.  
"So, Rae?" Izzy said, and I looked over at her, whom was, unfortunately for me, sitting opposite Finn. "You excited for Scarborough?" She beamed.  
I nodded,  
"S'pose." I cringed, knowing that, that was Finn's word. Stealing a glance over to him, I noticed that he was wincing slightly. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and then Chop nudged my side. Looking at him, he gave me a friendly smile. "I don't really feel up to it." I mumbled to Chop.  
He glared at me,  
"Ya ain't gettin' out of it, Raemundo. We all said we were off, and that's final." He said.  
Sighing, I looked up at Archie, whom was sitting opposite me, and he gave me a smile. I looked down at the table, and then I jumped, hearing Chop bang his hands down against the table,  
"Right peeps, let's go!" We all stood up and made our way outside to the two cars. "Right. Me, Iz and Chloe in my car, and Finn, Rae and Archers in the other."  
I glared at Chop, who just shrugged giving me a, "what can you do?" look. We made our way over to our designated cars, and then we climbed in; me making sure I got into the back seat, so I could be quiet throughout the whole car ride._

I blinked myself back to reality, my heart racing with the fear of that happening. Would it really be like that? I didn't even want to imagine the car ride to Scarborough. Archie and Finn making small, pointless talk to each other, while I just sat there, bobbing my head slightly to the music that Finn chose. After washing my hair and my body, as well as shaving my legs, I climbed out of the shower; wrapping a towel around my body and my hair. I wiped my hands over my face, sighing deeply, as I made my way out of the bathroom and rushing into my bedroom. I changed into a pair of pyjama bottoms and Finn's hoodie. Even though I didn't want to be reminded of him, I still needed his hoodie to help me sleep. It, thankfully, still smelt of him, and it made me feel safe and comfortable. I checked the time: 6:15 p.m. I sighed to myself, and then I made my way over to my bed, sitting down and I opened my diary.

_Hello again, diary. Today was… bearable. But I  
can't shake off the feeling that today was going to  
be the last time, that the gang were all going to  
be hanging out together. What if tomorrow Finn  
admits to it all, and then we break up there and  
then? It's going to affect the group as well as just  
Finn and I. But I wasn't going to pretend to be  
oblivious for the gang's sake. I didn't want to feel  
like Finn was constantly kissing or sleeping with  
other girls behind my back, thinking that he was getting  
away with it. It'd make me insane! And I was crazy  
enough without adding this into it. I needed this for  
my own sanity. I needed to feel like the bigger person,  
for bringing it up and then hopefully, Finn and I could  
sit down at the café, and talk about all this maturely.  
Hopefully when Izzy and Chloe leave the café, it'll be  
less awkward. I'm waiting for Chloe's smirking face,  
and having the bitch tell me, "I told you so." She was  
right, (as always), and I was wrong. Boys didn't like  
big girls, and they didn't find them attractive. They did  
care what their friends thought about it, and even though I  
thought Finn was different, clearly, he wasn't._

I closed my diary, blinking away the tears, and then I sniffed, standing up and placing my diary onto my side table. Walking over to my stereo, I turned it on, and I let the _Blur_ album play softly, taking over the silence in my bedroom. I walked back over to my bed, taking my pillow from my bed, and I dropped it onto the floor beside my bed. Sitting down on the pillow, I rested my back against the side of my bed, bringing my knees up to my chest. Hugging my legs, I felt myself getting lost in the music, like I usually did.  
_"__The suburbs they are dreaming, they are a twinkle in her eye,  
She's been feeling frisky since her husband said goodbye.  
She wears a low cut t-shirt runs a little bmw,  
She's most accommodating when she's in her lingerie.  
Wife swapping is the future; you know that it would suit you.__"_  
I wanted the music to soak me in and let me escape from the world for a while. I just needed a break. I needed peace, normality and sanity, for my own sake. I bobbed my head along to the beat, my right foot bouncing along to the tune.


	11. Chapter 11

I woke up the next day. _D-Day._ I thought to myself. Sighing deeply as I climbed out of bed, I pulled open the curtains, staring out at the street below me. I watched an elderly couple walk by, their arms were linked, as they chatted carelessly to one another. The woman looked so happy, and the male was looking at his wife with such adoration, it made my chest tighten. My eyes travelled up to Mrs. Dewherst's window, our their eyes met. I sighed to myself, stopping myself from rolling my eyes, as Mrs. Dewherst smiled and waved at me. Waving back at her, I turned away and walked away from my bedroom window. I checked the time on my alarm clock: 9:35 a.m. Turning on my stereo instantly, I smiled to myself, hearing **Prodigy** - _Smack My Bitch Up_ began to play on the radio. Bobbing my head along to the song, I began to sing along,  
_"Change my pitch up,  
smack my bitch up.  
Change my pitch up,  
smack my bitch up.  
Change my pitch up,  
smack my bitch up."_  
I sung out loud, dancing around my bedroom as I did.

* * *

I finished my breakfast, and then I heard the house phone ring. Making me way over to the living room, I answered the call,  
"Hello?"  
"Rae! It's Izzy!"  
"Hiya, what's up?" I asked, wrapping the phone cord around my hand.  
"Nothing, just telling you to come to mine for around 4ish, yeah?"  
"Uh, okay."  
"Chin up, yeah? You're gonna look foxy!"  
I cringed at the same choice of words that she'd used for my last disaster date. I let out a small laugh,  
"Alright, see you then."  
We hung up the phone call, and I took a deep breath, checking time time: 11:45 a.m. Underneath, I was scared. Scared because I knew that I depended on Finn a lot, which meant when this ends today, I'm going to be a mess. I trusted Finn. With everything in me, and that's something that comes difficult for me. I can't trust people. And I suppose in a way, I have my dad to thank for that. For when he walked out on me and mum. I wasn't prepared for this. I didn't want this to end. My mind was telling me to just be oblivious about the whole thing, and to pretend it never happened. The thought made me scoff,  
"Like I'm ever gonna forget about this." I told myself.  
As I walked away from the house phone, I made my way back upstairs, and when I reached the top, I sat down on the top step, resting my back against the wall, trying to keep myself calm, as I tried to imagine the conversation in my head.

_Finn opened the café door, and he walked over to me, with a smile on his face, his smile slowly dropping,  
"Why're you-? Um… why're you dressed-?"  
"Like Chloe?" I asked, my eyebrows rising, as I looked up at him.  
Finn swallowed slowly, as he gripped his helmet tighter in his hands,  
"Well, yeah."  
"I thought you'd appreciate that I'm dressed to your standards now." I smiled sarcastically at him.  
Finn's eyebrows furrowed together and he opened his mouth to speak._

My thoughts were cut short, when I heard the letterbox shutting. I jumped and then I sighed, shaking my head. I slumped further into the wall, trying to remember the things that made me love Finn. _I loved that he was so honest._ I laughed to myself. _Bollocks._ Standing up, I decided it was best to keep my mind off it. Walking into the bathroom, I decided to get a shower to relax me. I ran the warm water, and as I waited for it to turn warm, I leaned my back against the wall.

* * *

It was now 3:55 p.m., and I was standing in the driveway of Izzy's house. I didn't want to go in. I was a nervous wreck. I didn't want to look like a stupid twat all over again. Both Finn and I had an agreement that I wouldn't go back to Chloe and Izzy whenever I go out. And here I was, standing on her driveway, ready to go inside and be made up by Izzy. Taking a deep breath, I made my way over to Izzy's front door, and I knocked softly against the door. A few seconds later, the door opened, and I saw Izzy's wide grin,  
"Rae, hi! Come on in!" She opened the door wider, before she turned and ran upstairs.  
Biting my lip nervously, I walked into her house cautiously, before I closed the door behind me, and I followed after Izzy, and into her bedroom.  
"You ready to look foxy, then?" She beamed at me.  
I closed her bedroom door behind me, and I sighed,  
"Iz, I don't think it's such a good idea…" I trailed off.  
Izzy scoffed,  
"Pish posh! You're gonna look amazing, Rae, I promise you."  
I began chewing on my bottom lip,  
"But, Finn hates it when I dress like this-"  
"Hey! You listen here, Miss. Rachel Earl. If you keep following Finn's advice, then you're just gonna let this thing beat you. Rae, you're a beautiful person with or without all the makeup. I get why Finn says it, but we need to teach him a lesson. Understood?"  
I smiled small at Izzy, nodding, as I did,  
"Okay." I whispered.  
Izzy led me over to her dressing table, and I took a seat on the chair, closing my eyes, and I pressed my finger and thumb over my f necklace, squeezing my fingers as tight as I could against the metal, my fingers tingling, and I smiled to myself; the thought of Finn leaning against the dressing table filling my head. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he was staring at me. I felt my chest tighten and sting, as I opened my eyes, dropping the necklace from my touch. I saw that Izzy was gathering things together, and I took a deep breath, as I watched her through the reflection. Izzy met my gaze, and we shared a smile, as she picked up her hairbrush,  
"So I'm thinking… how did she look?" Izzy's face dropped, and I could tell that she was silently telling herself to be quiet.  
"She um…" I swallowed thickly, clearing my throat slightly. "She had her hair straight. Like, really straight."  
Izzy nodded, opening the top dressing table draws, and she got out her hair straighteners, and she plugged them in, turning them on.  
"You looking forward to Scarborough tomorrow?" Izzy asked, and I knew that she was trying to keep the conversation light.  
I shrugged slightly, looking down at my lap,  
"Suppose."  
"Why're you not excited?"  
I sighed deeply,  
"Depends how tonight goes, really."  
"Well, don't you worry, Rae. Whatever happens, you'll have me."  
I looked up to look at Izzy through the mirror, seeing that she had a smile on her face. Smiling back at her, I nodded, and Izzy began to clip my hair up, leaving the bottom layer of my hair down.

* * *

Finally, after forty-five minutes of pure hell, Izzy had finally finished… my hair. Izzy examined her work, and she grinned, feeling pleased with herself,  
"Rae, your hair looks fab!"  
I let out a small, shaky laugh,  
"Thanks, Iz."  
"Now, let's move onto your outfit." Izzy grinned big; as she made her way over to the bag that I'd brought the clothes in with. Izzy began unpacking my clothes, and I stood up, turning to her, tugging on the bottom of my shirt nervously, as I watched Izzy hold up each piece of clothing in the air and examining them. When she was done, she looked over at my clothes that she had laid out onto her bed,  
"How about this dress?" Izzy gasped. "Wait, wait, wait." She picked up the chambray denim, floral, slouchy open shoulder cut outs mini dress. "Rae this is gorgeous!" Izzy gasped with awe. "Why have I never seen this before?"  
I shrugged, looking down at the ground,  
"Cause that dress is made for skinny girls, and-"  
"Hey!" I looked up at Izzy, seeing the stern look on her face, as she pointed at me. "Stop it with the negativity. You have a beautiful figure." I rolled my eyes. "I mean it." She threw the dress at me, and I caught it in midair. "Put that on." She nodded encouragingly.  
I sighed slightly, nodding, as I walked out of Izzy's bedroom and into her bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I carefully took off my clothes, not wanting to mess up my hair. I slid my dress on over my head carefully, and then I pulled it over my body. As I stared at the mirror ahead of me, I sighed slightly, instinctively pulling at the bottom of the dress. The dress stopped just above my knee, and my eyes wandered over to my stomach. _I looked like a fucking beached whale._ I said to myself. Picking up my clothes from the floor, I stood up opening Izzy's bathroom door, and I walked into her bedroom. Izzy turned and she grinned big,  
"Oh my gosh, Rae you look beautiful! That dress totally suits you!"  
I squinted my eyes in confusion, as I looked down at my body,  
"I look like a fuckin' beached whale, Iz!" I exclaimed.  
Izzy walked over to me, closing the door shut and then she rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest,  
"Rae? What's up? What's going on? Because honestly, I don't look at you, and say that I've ever seen a resemblance of a beached whale. So what is it? What makes you think that you do? You're beautiful, Rae. You really are. I love you, we all do, and I envy you."  
I snorted,  
"You envy me? Why?"  
"Because I do! You're funny, you're smart, you're talented, and you're brave. Your curves are killer and you're tall!" I rolled my eyes. "Me on the other hand, I'm small, too skinny, ginger, freckly, ditzy, and I'm not that smart."  
"Izzy, you are smart-"  
She cut me off, shaking her head,  
"This isn't about me, Rae. Tonight is about you, and we're going to make you look drop dead gorgeous. Okay?" I nodded. "Now here. I asked my mum earlier, and she said it was okay." furrowing my eyebrows together, I watched Izzy walked over to her bed, and she held up a pair of navy nubuck, leather platform wedges. Raising my eyebrows at Izzy, she grinned at me,  
"Trust me."  
I nodded, sighing slightly, as I made my way over to her, and I took a seat on the edge of her bed, taking the wedges from her, and I slid them onto my feet, fastening them. I slowly and carefully stood up, and I looked at Izzy for approval.  
Izzy squealed and grinned big,  
"Love!" I laughed shaking my head. "Now, makeup!"  
I groaned, and Izzy laughed, shaking her head, and she dragged me over to her dressing table, where I then took a seat.

* * *

"Knock, knock." Chloe said, as she walked into Izzy's bedroom, a smile on her face. I looked up at Chloe, and we both stared at each other, before Chloe nodded at me. "Y'alright?"  
I nodded, taking a deep breath,  
"Yep. Are you?"  
Chloe nodded, making her way over to the dressing table, playing with my hair slightly,  
"Yeah, I'm good." She stared at my reflection in the mirror, and my eyes were glued to hers. "You look nice." She complimented me.  
I smiled small at her, nodding slightly,  
"Thanks."  
"What made you decide to get all dolled up?"  
I looked at Izzy, as she turned away from the dressing table, and she shrugged slightly at Chloe,  
"I may have twisted her arm a little." She lied.  
Chloe laughed, shaking her head,  
"Izzy, what're you like? You know that Finn may not like it though…" She trailed off, looking down at me.  
I shrugged slightly, looking down at my lap,  
"So?"  
Izzy clapped her hands together once,  
"Let's focus on the makeup, yeah?"  
I gave Izzy a grateful glance, as Chloe made her way over to Izzy's makeup bag, and the two began to talk about what'd be best for me. Zoning out instantly, I stared at my blank face in the reflection. I felt empty. I felt lifeless. I felt like I wasn't myself.

* * *

There was a light tap on the door, and all three of our heads turned to Izzy's bedroom door, as it opened, seeing Izzy's dad on the other side,  
"Iz? There's someone on the phone for one of your friends."  
I furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion, and I looked up at Izzy.  
"Who for?" Izzy asked, looking just as confused as I did.  
"Rae."  
I swallowed thickly, standing up, and I followed Izzy's dad out of Izzy's bedroom, downstairs and over to the telephone,  
"Thanks." I said politely, as I took the phone from him. "Hello?" I answered.  
"Hiya, Rae."  
I swallowed, my heart pounding,  
"Finn. Hi."  
"Y'alright?" He asked me.  
"U-Uh, yeah. I'm fine."  
"Oh, good. Ah just called yours and your mum said you were at Izzy's. Ah'm just callin' to say that I'm really looking forward to tonight, an' ah can't wait to see ya."  
Guilt hit my stomach unexpectedly, and then I quickly swallowed,  
"Yeah. Can't wait for tonight either."  
"It's gonna be great!" Finn beamed. I could feel his excitement down the line.  
I let out a laugh,  
"Yeah. Yeah, it is. Look, Finn, I've gotta go. Izzy is waitin' for me. I'll see you soon. Bye." Before he could say anything else, I slammed the phone back down to its holder, and then I walked back upstairs, and into Izzy's bedroom. I licked my lips, as both Izzy and Chloe looked at me. "Shall we finish off then?"

* * *

The time was 7:15 p.m., and Chloe, Izzy and I were walking down Izzy's driveway. Chloe and Izzy were to my right, as I tugged at the bottom of my dress. I felt Izzy nudge my side, and I looked down at her, nodding slightly, letting go of the dress, as I continued to walk down the street with them. My heart was pounding, as we walked down the street in silence. My head was turning into panic mode, as the seconds went by. _How was Finn going to react? Was he going to be mad? Upset? Broken? Would he admit to cheating on me? Or would he deny everything? Would we sit down and have a mature conversation about it? Would he beg for forgiveness? Or would he just walk away?_ I began to ask millions of questions all at once. My head was pounding, and I wish that I could just run home, climb under my covers, and just stay there. Instead, I decided to think of a diary entry, to calm myself.

_Dear Diary,  
I wish it hadn't come to this. I wish I wasn't dressed like some stupid Barbie doll, but I was. All because Finn still hadn't told me the truth about Monday. I wish I hadn't seen it myself. I wish that I were still completely oblivious to everything. But would that make me a naïve, stupid idiot?_

_I was currently walking to the café with Izzy and  
Chloe, who seemed to be acting like everything was okay pretty easily, and I was shitting it. I wished that I could talk to her. I really do. She was still my best friend. after all. Even if what she did was a little shitty. More than shitty, but I couldn't focus on her right now. I needed to focus on myself, and I needed to figure out what I was going to do once I had the information that I was looking for. But there's a nagging thought in the back of my mind, that's asking me what I'm going to do if Finn doesn't admit to anything? Would he just shrug it off, and pretend that he didn't know what I was talking about? Maybe he would break down? His frantic words, begging me to forgive him. Pleading that he loves me and only me, and that slut meant nothing to him. It was just an accident, and he didn't want it to happen. Ha, a kiss always means something, though. And from where I was standing, his kiss meant a lot. It looked like he was hungry to kiss her. Hungry to shove his tongue down her throat, and to push her body against the wall, and press their bodies together. I bet she was a better kisser than me. I bet he wished that I was her. And that's exactly. why I was doing this – looking like a complete twat, with the overly nice hair and too much makeup. To make Finn appreciate me. And that's all I wanted. I wanted Finn to feel the same way that he did when we went to Sheffield.  
When he admitted that he saw a future with me. With me, Rachel Earl. Fucked up, mental, crazy bitch, Rae Earl.  
And now, I was ready to march into the café and demand answers from him. Diary, I was shitting it._

"Rae!" Izzy called, interrupting my thoughts.  
Shaking my head, shaking myself out of my daze, I looked down at her,  
"Wha?"  
She gave me a warm smile, taking hold of my hands,  
"You look great, and it's gonna be okay, yeah?"  
I nodded,  
"Yeah." I breathed out.  
The three of us walked inside, and Chloe and Izzy made their way over to the back of the café, sitting down on a table of four. I made my way over to a booth at the window. Smoothing out my dress, I took a seat, and I crossed my right ankle over my left, trying not to focus on my shaking hands. I heard the usual sound of a motorbike revving nearby outside, and my heart was now racing. I glanced over at my shoulder, and Chloe gave me a small smile, Izzy giving me a thumbs up. I looked back out of the window, seeing that Finn was walking towards the entrance. He walked through the café door, and my heart stopped beating.


	12. Chapter 12

I watched him walk inside, his motorbike helmet in his hands. Finn walked over to me, a big smile on his face,  
"Hey, Rae—what're you doin'?" He asked, his face falling as he looked at my clothes, and then back up to my face.  
I shrugged slightly,  
"What do y'mean?" I asked.  
"This... Why're you dressed like... Not you? Ah thought I said that you look beautiful the way that you usually look, Rae." He sighed. "You don't need the makeup and the stupid clothes to make me fancy ya."  
I scoffed rolling my eyes,  
"I thought you'd prefer this look." I mumbled, looking away from him.  
In the corner of my eye, I could see that Finn was taken back by my comment, his eyes blinking at his face filled with confusion,  
"What do you mean?" He asked.  
I looked at him, and I licked my lips,  
"I thought pretty little sluts were your thing, nowadays. I saw you, Finn."  
His face turned even more confused,  
"Saw me what?"  
"At the hospital, on Monday. I saw you kissing that brown-haired slut." I tried to keep my voice calm, by my voice was slowly wavering as I spoke. I was ready to burst into tears, feeling my heart tighten as much as possible, making it hard to breathe.  
"What? What brown-haired-Rae, what the fuck are you talkin' about? Ya wanna fill me in?"  
"Stop lying, Finn! I saw you! I saw you grab her face and you were-" I cut myself off, swallowing thickly, as tears began to well in my eyes. "And you kissed her."  
Finn's face stayed confused as he stared at me. _He's good._ Was all I could think to myself.  
"Rae, I- I don't have a clue what you're talking about. I-I was really excited about tonight, and then I come 'ere, you're dressed like-"  
"Don't you dare say it." I spat at him, not wanting another flashback from when Archie stood me up, flashing into my head.  
"Well I'm sorry, Rae, but it's true. You've come here today, an' you've decided to dress like 'er for some stupid, fuckin' reason. And the next thing I know, is you're accusing me of cheatin' on ya. I know sometimes your thoughts get the better of ya. But ah don't know what the fuck has gotten into your head, but it's wrong. Now, I'm not gonna stay here and have you accuse me of shit I ain't done, so I'm just gonna. See ya." And with that, Finn turned away and he left the café.  
My leg was bouncing, as I waited for Finn to leave. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I pulled the shoes off my feet, the tears rolling down my cheeks, and then I stood up; Izzy and Chloe standing up instantly, and making their way over to me,  
"Don't. Just don't even bother!" I screamed at them, before I rushed out of the café, and down the street, the tears becoming thicker, rolling down my cheeks as they did. As I walked down the street, I noticed that Finn was leaning against his motorbike. I stopped dead in my tracks, and I swallowed, wiping away my tears, as I stared at him in shock.  
"Rae." Finn sighed. "What is it? What's wrong?" He gestured to my clothes. "Ah mean. Don't get me wrong, ah love that dress but…"  
I sniffed, wiping the fresh tears,  
"But I'm not her." I let out a laugh. "Yeah, I know. Or was it that you regret it so bad, that pretending you have no idea what I'm talking about, so then I'll just get over it?"  
Finn wiped his nose with the back of his hand, and he shrugged,  
"How about I have no idea what you're fuckin' on about, and my girlfriend seems to be makin' up shit."  
I glared at him,  
"I know what I fuckin' saw, Finn! Stop making me sound like I'm fuckin' crazy!" I screamed, making a few people whom were walking by, turn their heads in my direction. Finn's eyebrows furrowed together, as he stood up from his motorbike, and I shook my head, backing away. "No. You can't just come over here, hug me and pretend what you did was nothing, Finn!"  
"But I didn't-"  
"Bollocks!" I sobbed. "It's fuckin' bollocks!" I threw Izzy's mum's wedges, aiming them at Finn, and he jumped to the side to avoid them, as I turned and ran down the street.  
"Rae!" I heard Finn call after me, but I kept running, tears rolling down my cheeks. I ran around the corner, and then I stopped, leaning my back against a brick wall, breathing heavily, as I closed my eyes, sobbing hard. My chest felt heavy, and my knees felt weak. I was a mess. I was a fucking mess, and it had shown in front of Finn. The one person that I didn't want seeing me this way.  
"Rae." I heard someone gasp.  
Opening my eyes, I looked and I saw Chloe and Izzy standing at the end of the street. Sniffing slightly, Izzy rushed over to me, hugging my neck,  
"Oh, Rae. I'm so sorry!" I sobbed into her shoulder, and she rubbed my back comfortingly. "He didn't admit it then?" I shook my head, and I heard her sigh. "What an idiot."  
"Admit what?" Chloe asked, her eyebrows furrowing together.  
"Rae said she saw Finn kiss another girl on Monday."  
"Oh." Was all Chloe could say. I pulled out of Izzy's embrace, and I sniffed, looking at Chloe. "Well I hate to say it, but-"  
I rolled my eyes,  
"Oh shut up, Chloe." I sniffed. "You're dying to say it! Go on! Fuckin' say it. Go on! 'I told you so'. Say it. C'mon, we're waiting."  
Izzy stared at the two of us, her eyes wide with both shock and confusion. Chloe opened her mouth to speak, but I shook my head, walking away from them both.  
"Rae!" Izzy called.  
I kept walking. Refusing to be beaten down anymore. I felt like an idiot. I felt like I was just here, so everyone could use me as a dig. First, Chloe, then Finn and now Chloe again.

* * *

When I arrived home, I heard my mum call my name, but I ran straight upstairs, and straight into my bedroom, rushing over to my side table and picking up my diary. I opened the book, and I began to write:

_Dear Diary,  
Why do I bother? Why do I even bother? Everyone  
is wanting to just make me look and feel like shit.  
What did I do that was so wrong? What did I do to  
make everyone think that they can just fuck me over?  
I didn't do anything to Finn. All I did was fall in  
love with him, and completely open myself up to  
him. But maybe that was it. Maybe after he read my  
diary, it freaked him out. Maybe I shouldn't have let  
him read it. Maybe I should've respected his wishes  
when he said that it was my personal property. And maybe  
forgiving Chloe all the times that she's made me look like  
a fucking idiot, was the wrong thing to do. I didn't  
even know if I missed her. Tonight, my answer was, no.  
She __always__ had to be right, and it was so fucking  
annoying! Tomorrow, we're all going to Scarborough,  
and I'm really not up for it. I just want to stay under my  
covers and stay there forever. What is wrong with me?  
Do I have a sign on my forehead that says, "Fuck me over"?  
I really don't know what I did to deserve this._

Closing my diary shut, I wiped away my tears, and I sniffed, trying to compose myself. I heard a light knock on my bedroom door, and I rolled my eyes,  
"Leave me alone!" I yelled.  
I heard my mum grumble to her, as she walked away. Leaning my back against the wall, I brought my knees up to my chest, hugging my legs, as I stared ahead lifelessly. I felt numb. I felt weak. I felt stupid. I felt like an idiot. Why was Finn pretending that he hadn't done anything? Why was he acting like I was crazy? I saw it with my own two eyes. I saw Finn kiss that girl. I saw him grab her face and kiss her. He looked so urgent and hungry for her kiss. The thought made my heart drop. My breathing became heavy again, as I covered my face with my hands, sobbing hard. He doesn't want me to look like her. He doesn't want me to look as pretty as her. Does he think it was possible? _Yes._ My mind whispered. Shivering slightly, I closed my eyes tighter. I heard a knock at my window, and looking up, I sniffed, wiping my nose with the palm of my hand. Standing up from my bed, I walked over to my window, seeing Finn there. He gave me a slight smile, as I stared emotionlessly at him.  
"Go away." I told him.  
Finn sighed,  
"Rae-"  
"I said go away!" I said louder, closing my curtains shut, and then I placed my hand over my chest, as I slowly began to hyperventilate. I didn't want to be here anymore. I'd rather be back in the mental hospital. I flickered my eyes around the room, and then I slid my back down the wall, sitting down on the floor.

* * *

The next day, I woke up, seeing that I was still on my bedroom floor. As I rolled onto my back, I realised that there was a blanket covering over me, and there was a pillow under my head. Smiling small, I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes. I stretched big, and I checked the time: 6 a.m. I sighed deeply, relieved that I had woken up early, and I stood up, putting the pillow and blanket onto my bed, before I walked out of my bedroom, and into the bathroom, running the warm water. I grabbed a hair bobble from the sink, and I tied my hair up into a high bun, before I grabbed a makeup wipe, wiping my mascara tear-stained face clean. I sighed in relief, throwing the two makeup wipes, which I used, into the bin. Peeling off my clothes from last night, I stepped into the shower, and I picked up a sponge and the shower gel. I mentally began to create a checklist for today: swimming costume, suntan lotion, hairbrush, beach towel, flip-flops, a book to read, and my new Walkman. When I had finished in the shower, I turned off the warm water, climbing out of the shower, and I wrapped a towel around my body, before picking up my toothpaste striped dressing gown. Wrapping it over my towel clad body, I then walked over to the sink, picking up my red toothbrush, and I squirted some toothpaste onto it, and I began to brush my teeth. _Maybe Finn was right._ I thought to myself. _Maybe dressing like a complete slut and acting like a bitch wasn't the right way to go._

Spitting out the toothpaste from my mouth, I wiped my mouth clean, and then I walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I closed my bedroom door behind me, and I walked over to my wardrobe, opening the doors, and I bit my lip, looking through my clothes. _What could I wear?_ I asked myself. My eyes stopped at a summer dress, but I instantly scoffed, shaking my head. There was a light tap at my door. Turning as the door opened, I saw mum walk inside,  
"You okay, Rachel?"  
I swallowed slightly, nodded,  
"Y-Yeah. Just been a bad few days, that's all." I admitted.  
"I am here, y'know? If you need to talk."  
I plastered a smile onto my face,  
"I'm fine." I told her. My mum nodded silently. "Oh and, thanks for the blanket and pillow." I smiled small at her.  
Mum blinked twice, staring at me in confusion,  
"What do you mean?"  
I let out a laugh,  
"Last night." I explained. Mum looked at me even more confused, and I furrowed my eyebrows together. "Y-You put a pillow under my head and a blanket over me, because I fell asleep on the floor."  
Mum shook her head,  
"No I didn't…"  
We stared at each other for a few seconds, and then mum turned and left my bedroom, leaving me even more confused. I quickly changed into the summer dress, before I could change my mind, and I took my hair bobble out, letting my hair fall loosely down over my shoulders. I slid on a pair of my black converses, and I looked at myself in the mirror. The sundress was a pale blue, and the sleeves stopped just past my shoulders. The dress stopped at my knee, and I supposed I looked okay. I began to pack my things together, packing everything that I had thought about while I was in the shower, and then I picked up my sunglasses, and then I picked up my bag that I packed everything into, and then I grabbed my denim jacket from my wardrobe, and I shrugged it on, sliding my hair bobble onto my wrist, as I made my way out of my bedroom and downstairs.  
"Where are you going this early anyway?" Mum asked when I reached downstairs, a cup of coffee in her hand.  
I turned to her, clutching the strap of my bag,  
"To Scarborough with the gang." I explained.  
"And you just thought you'd go without asking me?" Mum raised her eyebrows at me.  
I sighed, looking down at the ground,  
"Mum, I-"  
"Go on. I'll let you go. But if you forget to ask me again, you're not going. Understood?"  
I looked up at her and smiled small, nodding,  
"Thanks, mum."  
I walked out of the front door and down the driveway, walking down the street, shifting the bag strap on my shoulder, as the same amount of nerves began to hit my insides again. I was nervous about seeing Finn, about seeing Chloe and about seeing Izzy. I wondered whom they had told. The rest of the gang? Would they all think that I was fucking insane, like Finn had made me out to be? Would they give me the silent treatment? Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself down, as I continued to walk down the street.

* * *

When I arrived outside the café, I smiled small, seeing Chop walking over to me,  
"Raemundo!" He opened his arms out wide, and I hugged him. "Y'alright, baby girl?" He asked me.  
I nodded,  
"Yep, I'm good." We pulled out of the embrace, and then I tucked my hair behind my left ear, and then I glanced at Finn, seeing that he was smoking a cigarette, resting his right foot against his dad's car bonnet. I gave him a small smile. "Hiya." I said softly. _It's best to put on a positive front in front of everybody._ I told myself.  
Finn nodded, standing up straight,  
"Alright?"  
I nodded slightly, and then I jumped slightly, hearing Chop clap his hands together once,  
"Right, ladies and gents! Lets go inside and eat, yeah? Big road trip ahead of us!"  
We all followed Chop inside, and Archie nudged me as I walked in. I looked up at him, seeing that he was giving me a look. A look that asked if I was alright. Nodding at him, I walked over to the table that Chop had chosen, and I sat down at the edge. To my surprise, Finn sat opposite me.  
"Finny Boy? Did ya do the tapes for us then?" Chop asked, his excitement obvious in his voice.  
"You betcha." Finn smiled small at Chop, and then he got out the two mixed tapes from his bag. I rolled my eyes, and Finn raised his eyebrows at me. "What?"  
I shook my head,  
"Nothin'."  
"Nah go on, say it." Finn pressed.  
"Just sick of hearin' _Babylon Zoo_ and _Oasis_ whenever you make mixed tapes." I replied, my point referring to the mixed tape that he made me. Finn faked a big smile at me, which instantly dropped seconds later.  
"Maybe you're just taken back by good music. _Blur_ was it, that ya like?"  
I rolled my eyes, giving Finn a look,  
"Funny, because I remember hearing you add that to my tape that you made me." I smirked at him.  
Finn rolled his eyes,  
"Alright then." He opened his bag, getting out a notepad and a pen, setting them onto the table and dropping his bag to the floor. "Let's make a list of what Miss. Rachel Earl doesn't want to hear in future, shall we?" His eyebrows rose, as he challenged me.  
I rolled my eyes and scoffed,  
"What is your problem?"  
"What is _your_ problem?" Finn asked me, his voice filled with frustration.  
"Look guys, how about-?"  
"What, Chop? What? How about we all forget about it? Well I can't, okay? I can't! And you know why? Because my so-called boyfriend is fucking lying to me!" I stood up, and I stormed away from the table, and I walked into the ladies toilets. When I walked inside, I took a deep breath, resting my back against the sinks. "What a fucking idiot." I said to myself. I turned around and stared at myself in the mirror. I ran my fingers through my hair, as my heart pounded, and I sighed slightly. "Just go out there and apologise to everyone." Swallowing slightly, I nodded, sighing deeply. I wanted to have a good time today. Not to put everyone in a bad mood. Walking out of the bathroom, I noticed Finn's head turn in my direction. I gasped lightly. _Maybe this is going to be harder than I thought._ I thought to myself. As Finn watched me closely, I slowly made my way out of the café, trying to avoid anyone else knowing. The sooner I got out of the café, the sooner I could get home and just pretend to be ill. As I slowly turned my back to the café door, my eyes were glued to the back of Finn's head. I knew that from the corner of his eye, he was watching me, even though his face was facing the ladies toilets. I opened the door and I rushed out, rushing out of the café and I rushed down the street. As I walked past two shops, I found my feet slowing me down, as I scrunched my face up. _Why the fuck did I do that?!_ I asked myself. _They're all going to think I'm super weird!_ I stopped walking, sighing deeply, and I swallowed slowly,  
"Hey." I heard someone call. I knew who it was. Finn. I swallowed slowly, as I turned to face him. His face was filled with concern. "Y'alright?" I smiled small at him, nodding as my reply, too in shock that he was even talking to me. I acted like such a bitch, why would he even want to talk to me? He motioned towards the car park. "Shall we get into the car then?"  
I swallowed slightly, nodding, walking over to him. Finn and I walked side by side, our arms and hands brushing together, sparks electrifying through my arm. We walked back into the cafe, and Chop clapped his hands together once,  
"Right, guys. Car assignments! In my car, will be me, Iz and Chloe! And in Finn's dad's car, will be Finny, Raemundo and Archers."  
I sighed quietly, swallowing thickly, the thoughts that I had, had the other day, seemed to becoming more and more real.  
"Actually, Chopper. Mind if it's just Rae and me in my car? No offence, Arch, but ah gotta talk to 'er about somethin'."  
My head shot up, my eyes wide, as I stared at the side of Finn's face. He gave me a sideways look, and Chop agreed. Everyone stood up, making their way out of the café, and we made our way over to our assigned cars. Finn unlocked the car doors, and we both climbed in. I was tempted to get into the back seat, but I knew that it'd turn into another argument. We both buckled up, and then Finn started the engine, following after Chop's car. Finn hadn't put any music on, which made my heart beat even faster, as I stared down at my lap.  
"I didn't do it, y'know." Finn said softly. I looked up, and at Finn, staying silent. Finn looked at me. "What you're accusing me of, I din't do it." He looked back at the road, swallowing slowly. "I didn't cheat on you, Rae."  
I scoffed quietly, shaking my head and looking ahead, out of the windshield,  
"I know what I saw, Finn."  
Finn let out a humourless laugh,  
"That's what's confusing me even more, Rae." I could hear the frustration in his voice. "You keep claimin' that I was at the hospital on Monday, but why the fuck would ah be there, if ah weren't with you? Eh?" He asked me. _Okay, fair point._ I thought to myself. "Anyway, I was with Chop at the garage on Monday. Don't believe me? Ask him. In fact, ask Archie too. They were both there."  
"Friends will always cover for each other, Finn." I pointed out quietly, and when I looked at him, I saw that he was sighing and shaking his head.  
"Rae." Finn said huskily. "Why would ah cheat on ya? I fuckin' love you, for fucks sake."  
"Yeah, you say that, Finn." I started, my voice wavering again, just like last night. "But I know what I saw."  
"Do ya though? Because from the looks of it, you've fuckin' imagined it, cause I ain't kissed no one, but you." He demanded. His voice was stern and adamant.  
"I wasn't alone, Finn. I'm not crazy! I was with Tix. Next time I go there, you can go with me, and she'll tell you the same thing! She'll tell you that she saw you sucking faces with some brown-haired slut!" _Even if she did sound so careless about it all._ I said to myself. We continued to drive down the road, silence filling the car, as we stared ahead in the windshield.  
"Rae?" He said quietly. I looked at Finn, and he looked at me. "I swear on my life that I did not cheat on you. Can you please just believe me?"  
I swallowed, looking away from Finn, and I looked out of the passenger side window, and Finn looked back to the road, sighing softly. I licked my lips, and closed my eyes, the images flushing through my head, making me wince inside, my stomach churning. I heard Finn turn on the stereo, and his mixed tape beginning to play.

* * *

I had my feet against the dashboard, my book in hand, as I read silently. Finn was humming along to an _Oasis_ song, and every once in a while, I'd see Finn glance at me, from the corner of my eye.  
"We're pullin' over." Finn informed me, making me glance up at the road. Chop's car in front of us turning into a café. As Finn parked beside his car, I put my feet back down to the ground, and then I put my book away, grabbing my bag, and both Finn and I climbed out. Chop gave us both an exhausted look, and so did Archie and Izzy, as Chloe climbed out, sighing deeply,  
"All I'm saying is that it's stupid not to pull over, when you need to hydrate."  
I looked at Finn and Finn looked at me, the two of us rolling our eyes. I put my sunglasses back on, and we all walked into the café. Izzy pulled me behind everyone, linking her arm through mine,  
"How's it going?" She asked me softly.  
I smiled slightly,  
"Not good." I admitted, sighing. "We're not even talkin' anymore. He's adamant that he hasn't cheated. Ah just need to speak to Chop."  
Izzy shot me a confused look, but she quickly recovered, nodding, as we walked inside the café. Chop was at the counter, and I made my way over, feeling Finn's gaze on me.  
"Hiya, Raemundo. 'Ow ya doin' baby girl?"  
I nodded,  
"Good. Can I ask ya somethin'?"  
"Course you can, Raemundo."  
"What did you get up to on Monday?"  
"Me?" I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest. "Ah was at the garage working on a van. Why?"  
I shrugged slightly,  
"Jus' wonderin'. Were you by yourself?"  
Chop shook his head,  
"Nah, Finn and Arch said they'd help. To be quite honest?" He asked, leaning in closer to me. "They were fuckin' shit. Worse mechanics ever." He said in my ear. I let out a laugh, as he pulled back. "Why do y'ask, Raemundo?"  
I shook my head,  
"No reason." I walked away from Chop and over to where the rest of the gang were sitting. I leaned my hands against the back of one of the seats, as I began to think to myself. _If Finn was with Chop and Archie, then why did I see him kissing that girl at the hospital?_ I asked myself, my gaze falling on Finn.


	13. Chapter 13

After everyone (Chloe) had refreshed and hydrated, we made our way back out to the cars, and climbed back into our designated cars. Just as we were about to set off, Finn slowly took off his glasses,  
"Whoa." He said, my gaze rising from my lap, as I looked up out of Finn's driver seat window.  
Chloe and Chop were out of the car, a heated discussion between the both of them. Finn rolled down the window, as we quietly observed.  
"I don't see what your problem is, Chloe. But that is no way t'talk about your best mate."  
Finn looked at me, and I swallowed slowly, an aching pain hitting my chest.  
Chloe rolled her eyes, scoffing, as she crossed her arms over her chest,  
"I didn't say anything that wasn't true, Chop. Everyone knows that she's a drama queen." She laughed. "If you'd have seen her last night, you would've agreed."  
"I may not have seen 'er, but I 'eard about it. Finn told me that she was really upset, and if you're takin' the piss out of it, then you're not a real good friend, Chloe."  
I smiled to myself, feeling relieved that I had Chop defending me.  
"What're you trying to say?"  
"I'm sayin'…" He paused, biting his lip looking at his car, and then at ours, before looking at Chloe, sighing. "Have fun finding your way home."  
Both Finn's eyes and mine widened.  
"What?!" Chloe screeched.  
Chop didn't answer, instead, he walked over to the driver's side, climbing in, and he instantly locked the doors before Chloe could open the door. She banged against Izzy's window,  
"Iz! Open the fucking door!"  
Izzy looked apologetic at Chloe, before she looked at Chop, and he began to drive out of the car park. Chloe turned to our car,  
"Rae, please!" She begged.  
Finn looked at me, and I shook my head,  
"Just drive." I told him quietly, the guilt slowly eating me up inside. Finn nodded silently, driving out of the car park. I looked over my shoulder, seeing Chloe standing there, her face fallen, as she stood there in shock, and I sighed, looking at Finn. He glanced at me, giving me a sympathetic smile,  
"She'll be fine. She deserved it, Rae-Rae."  
I nodded slowly, turning my face to stare ahead out of the windshield,  
"I talked to Chop." I looked back at Finn. "He said that you were helping him with a van."  
Finn nodded,  
"Like I said." He replied quietly.  
I sighed,  
"If that is true, then why did I see you kissing some girl?"  
Finn shrugged, keeping silent, as I began to think about Monday harder. I chewed on my bottom lip, as I thought about that day. Remembering the conversation I had, had with Tix. We were talking about Chloe. I remembered that I needed to let off some steam. Because I was scared of losing her. _Ha!_ I thought to myself. And I spotted something, or some_one_ rather. He had the same hair as Finn. I quickly told Tix to hide, and then we both rushed around the corner. As I slowly peered out, I remember thinking that it was Finn. But thinking about it now, _really_ thinking about it; -focusing on looks, height, clothes-, I tried to remember. The more I thought about it, the more the features changed. The more I realised that the boy's haircut wasn't the same as Finn's. The boy's hair was spiked up; it was black. He was taller than Finn. Around six-foot. He was wearing completely different clothes to what Finn would ever consider wearing. As I blinked a few times, I slumped in my seat, my heart caught in my throat,  
"Oh my god." I whispered, staring at the dashboard.  
I noticed Finn glance at me, before looking back at the road,  
"What?"  
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I sniffed, feeling them slowly begin to roll down my cheeks, looking up at Finn,  
"Finn, I am so sorry. I-I know it wasn't you, I-"  
"Hey, hey, hey." Finn said softly. "Hey, it's alright, Rae-Rae. It's okay, I promise you."  
I shook my head, closing my eyes, as I cried into my hands. I felt like such a twat. A stupid, insecure twat. I felt Finn place his hand on my leg, squeezing it softly. I lifted my head,  
"I'm so sorry, Finn. I'm sorry, I'm-" I cut myself off, sobbing. All the heartache, all the thoughts, all the worries, all the hatred all fading away instantly, with every single sob. Finn frowned, and I knew that it was because he knew he had to follow Chop's orders, "no stopping unless I do. We don't wanna lose each other."  
"We're almost there, baby, okay? Then we'll talk about it, yeah?"  
I nodded, still sobbing, and I sniffed, looking down at my lap, trying to compose myself. I was sobbing with relief, sobbing with happiness, and sobbing with sadness. _How could I have ever thought so wrongly of Finn?_ I asked myself. Finn turned on the stereo again, and I closed my eyes, taking in the _Oasis_ lyrics. I was wrong. I _was_ crazy. I let my mind get the better of me. I was fucking crazy. I sniffed, trying to calm myself down, as I began to double breathe.

When we arrived at Scarborough, we parked up beside Chop's car, and I was relieved to have finally calmed down. As I stared blankly ahead, I quickly slid my sunglasses back on, and both Finn and I climbed out of the car, and I slung my rucksack over my shoulder. Finn locked the car doors, and he made his over to my side, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head against his shoulder, and Chop walked over to us, his arm around Izzy's waist,  
"Y'alright, mummy and daddy?" He grinned.  
Finn nodded,  
"Course we are."  
Finn kissed the side of my head softly, and I let out a small sigh. A sigh of contentment. I looked up at Finn, and I noticed that he was smiling down at me. Smiling small up at him, we all made our way over to the beach, letting Chop and Izzy lead the way.  
"Y'wanna go and talk, Rae-Rae?"  
I sniffed slightly, nodding, as Finn looked around,  
"Think they're all going straight into the sea, so we're alright."  
When we arrived on the sand, we set up the blankets, and then Finn and me sat down. Izzy, Chop and Izzy took off their clothes, leaving them in their swimming gear, and they all ran down towards the sea. I brought my knees up to my chest, and I sighed deeply, staring ahead,  
"Finn, I'm so sorry. You tried to tell me, and I wouldn't listen." I looked at him.  
Finn was staring ahead, too, and he nodded slightly,  
"It's okay."  
I sighed again shaking my head,  
"No it isn't, Finn. I basically called you a cheater, I refused to listen to you, and you kept trying and trying to tell me that I was wrong, and I wouldn't listen to you. How can you even sit here and listen to me right now? I'm such a bitch and I'm an idiot, and I'm stupid, and I'm crazy-"  
"Hey." Finn said sternly. I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "You are not crazy, Rae." He said softly.  
I let out a laugh, rolling my eyes,  
"Yeah, I am, Finn. It's fine, though. I know I am."  
"You are not crazy, Rae." Finn replied softly.  
I sighed slightly, looking down at my lap,  
"I feel like I am." I admitted. "How can you just sit there and pretend nothing's happened? Eh? Because if I was you, I'd be fuckin' furious, Finn."  
He looked at me,  
"Rae. I expected it. When ya started askin' all these questions, like if ah'm bored of ya, or if I love ya. I figured that it was leading to this. But ah didn't realise how much it was going to affect you. I din't realise that the thoughts would affect you so bad, that you imagine my face onto someone else's body and it registers like that."  
I bit my bottom lip,  
"I wish it never happened." I admitted.  
"Yeah." Finn sighed heavily. "Me too."  
I looked at Finn, seeing that he was watching me, and then he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him, and he kissed my lips softly once,  
"But ah love ya, so ah'll get over it." He murmured.  
I smiled small at him,  
"Thanks, Finn."  
"You're welcome, Rae-Rae."  
I pecked his lips softly,  
"Wanna swim?" I asked.  
Finn raised his eyebrows at me,  
"Course ah fuckin' do!"  
We both laughed, standing up, and we took off our clothes, leaving us in our swimming costumes, and then Finn took my hand after I tied my hair up into a high bun, walking with Finn down to the sea. My eyes were darting everywhere, seeing whose eyes were on me, watching me and judging. Finn stopped in his tracks, and he turned my body to face his, and he ran his hands down my sides,  
"You're beautiful, Rae. Stop worrying." I blushed deeply, as Finn smiled at me, leaning in and pecking my lips softly. "Now, shall we?" He raised his eyebrows at me.  
I nodded, smiling, and we walked into the sea, me squealing slightly from the coldness of the water. Izzy, Chop and Archie weren't to far away, but from how Finn was staying dead where he was, I assumed that we were spending quality time together. Letting go of my hand, Finn snaked his arms around my waist, and I placed my hands on his biceps, smiling as he leaned in, kissing my shoulder softly. When he leaned back, we both stared into each other's eyes, my heart racing as we did.  
"I love you." Finn said quietly.  
I sighed in contentment,  
"I love you too, Finn. I really, really do."  
Finn smiled bigger at me, leaning in, and he brushed his lips against mine softly, making me close my eyes. I felt Finn's smirk against my lips, and I had to resist the urge to bite his lip there and then. I felt Finn open his mouth slightly to kiss me, when I felt myself being splashed in the back, from the cold sea water. My eyes darted open, and I screamed, Finn's eyes already wide open. As we both turned around, Archie was standing behind me, and Chop was standing behind Finn.  
"Oops?" Archie smirked.  
I glared at him, kicking my foot into the water, and aiming my foot at Archie, the water splashing him, making me smirk,  
"Oops?" I mimicked him back.  
We both started laughing, and my attention turned to Finn, whom had Chop in a headlock, ruffling his hair with his knuckles,  
"Ya wanna do that again, Chopper? Eh?"  
The two of them were laughing, as Chop shoved Finn away from him, by his side,  
"Fuck off, Finny Boy!"  
Finn grinned at Chop, and then he splashed Chop, drenching him from head to toe. My eyes widened, and I quickly stood by Izzy, whom was standing out of the way, clearly for the same reason as I was right now: we didn't want to get our hair wet. Izzy linked her arm through mine, and we both grinned at each other. Looking over at Archie, I noticed that he was elsewhere. As I was about to follow his gaze, Archie turned his head to izzy and I, and I raised my eyebrows at him.  
"Uh, I'm just gonna go and..."  
"Ooh, Archie!" Izzy grinned at him. "Has a boy spotted your eye?" She gasped.  
Smiling sheepishly at Izzy and then at me, he nodded, and we both looked at each other,  
"Aweeeeeeee!"  
Archie rolled his eyes,  
"Piss off. I'll be back soon."  
Izzy and I nodded, and we watched Archie jog out of the sea and over to a blonde-haired boy. Izzy giggled,  
"I love that Archie is so open about it now."  
I grinned nodding,  
"Me too."  
Finn and Chop walked over to us, the two of them wiping their hands over their faces.  
"Eyup ladies. Where's Archers?" Chop asked.  
"He's got his eye on a maaaaaaan." Izzy grinned big, pointing at Archie sitting on a beach towel beside the blonde boy.  
Chop grinned big,  
"Yes! Go on, my son!"  
We all laughed at him, and then I looked at Finn, unlinking my arm with Izzy, and I walked over to him; Finn instantly snaking his arms around my waist. I grinned big, kissing his collarbone softly, and Finn kissed the top of my head softly, and I could feel him smiling against my head, making me smile too. I heard Chop mumbling something to Izzy, and then seconds later, they disappeared from us, and Finn and I looked at each other, raising our eyebrows at one another.  
"Mm, how about we lay down on our towels, and relax?"  
"Hmmm I like that idea." I smiled at him.  
"Did ya bring ya Walkman with you, baby?"  
I nodded eagerly,  
"Yeah, I did."  
Finn grinned big,  
"Good, cause I made us a mixed tape, and you can stick your headphones into my Walkman and listen to it too."  
I grinned at him, as he took my hand, and we walked towards our towels. I heard someone say,  
"Oh my god, have you seen her? I can't believe she's wearing that swimming costume!"  
I swallowed slowly, my heart stopping for a second, and as I glanced at Finn, I noticed that his jaw was clenched. I opened my mouth to speak, but Finn held my hand more securely, as he turned to the middle-aged woman and her husband,  
"'Scuse me, what did you say?" The woman looked up at Finn. "I don't think we heard you loud enough, love."  
"U-Um-"  
"Yeah, ah thought so. Why don't you keep your opinion to yourself, eh? My girlfriend looks fucking gorgeous today, and she don't need people like you putting 'er down and makin' her feel like shit. She pretty much does that every day, so why don't you keep your trap shut, and then me and my beautiful girlfriend can have a good day. Yeah?" Finn raises his eyebrows at the woman, as she stared at him in shock.  
The middle-aged woman looked at her husband and then back at the two of us,  
"I-I'm sorry, I-"  
"Don't apologise to me. Apologise to her."  
I bit my lip, standing closer to Finn.  
"I'm sorry, love. I-I didn't mean it."  
Finn glared at the woman one last time, before he kissed my cheek softly and we walked away, and over to our towels. As we sat down, I smiled to myself, my cheeks burning, as I nudged him lightly,  
"You're cute." I complimented, looking at Finn.  
He smiled sheepishly at me,  
"She needed to hear it, Rae-Rae." Finn kissed my lips softly once. "Can't have bitches like her putting you down now, can we?"  
I smiled shaking my head,  
"So that mixed tape?"  
Finn grinned instantly, picking up his rucksack, and he opened it up, taking out his Walkman. I got out my Walkman, de-attaching my headphones from it, and then I put my Walkman back into my bag, zipping it up. I placed my headphones into Finn's waiting open hand, and he plugged them into the spare headphones hole, and then I put my headphones on; -Finn already wearing his earphones-, and he turned his Walkman on, and then he pressed play. We both lay back on our towels, and Finn held my hand. I smiled to myself, hearing _There is a Light That Never Goes Out_ begin to play, by **The Smiths.** I sighed happily, and very softly, I could hear Finn hum along. After a few seconds of the introduction, Finn began to sing quietly to the song,  
"_Take me out tonight,  
Where there's music and there's people.  
Who are young and alive,  
Driving in your car.  
I never, never want to go home,  
Because I haven't got one anymore._"  
I smiled listening to Finn sing along, and then I opened my eyes, seeing a pair of teenaged girls sitting nearby. I swallowed slowly, closing my eyes quickly, knowing that they were looking at Finn. At _my_ Finn. I felt Finn hold my hand, and he entwined our fingers together. Turning my head and opening my eyes, I noticed that Finn's gaze was on me. he winked at me, and I smiled to myself.  
"I love you." He whispered. "Y'know that, right?"  
"I love you, too." I smiled at him.  
Finn furrowed his eyebrows together slightly,  
"You believe me, don't ya, Rae?" He asked softly.  
I nodded, swallowing slightly,  
"Course ah do."  
Finn smiled at me, and he turned his head to face the sky, closing his eyes again. I continued to watch him, and I bit my lip, before looking down at our entwined hands, feeling Finn stroke the back of my hand with his thumb. I smiled to myself, and I closed my eyes, looking up at the sky.  
"_And if a double-decker bus  
Crashes in to us  
To die by your side  
Is such a heavenly way to die  
And if a ten ton truck  
Kills the both of us  
To die by your side  
Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine._"  
I swallowed slightly, listening to Finn sing quietly, and I tried to keep myself calm. _What was wrong with me?_ I asked myself. Sighing slightly, I sat up, taking off my headphones, and I looked at Finn, whom was leaning on his elbows, looking at me.  
"I'm jus' gonna walk along the seashore, alright?"  
"You sure you're alright?"  
I nodded,  
"Course I am. I'm with you, ain't I?" I leaned over, kissing his cheek softly, making Finn smile to himself. I stood up, and I walked down the beach and over to the sea. When I reached it, I stood, staring on the sand, taking in the sea breeze. The water washed over my feet, leaving a cool feeling against my feet. I smiled small to myself, and I turned my head, seeing a man standing near me with his daughter. She was around four years old, and she was holding her dad's hand. He was smiling down at her in awe, and then I watched her giggle.  
"Jump, darling. Jump!"  
The little girl jumped and her dad grinned big,  
"Good girl!" He exclaimed.  
I met her dad's gaze, and we both shared a friendly smile to each other, and then I turned away, looking back out at the sea, watching the waves crash against each other. The sound was so peaceful, as well as the view. I breathed in the sea air, and a smile played on my lips. Looking up at the sky, I found all my thoughts and fears disappearing, leaving my body. I felt free, I felt happy, and I felt like I was me again. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind. Jumping, I looked over my shoulder, and I smiled at Finn, who rested his chin against my shoulder softly,  
"Hey, you." He whispered.  
"Hi." I replied quietly.  
"You look peaceful." He commented.  
I smiled and I sighed happily, looking out at the sea,  
"Can ya blame me? The view's fuckin' amazing."  
"Yeah it is. So's my view."  
I blushed and I nudged his side,  
"Fuck off, you charmer."  
Finn chuckled softly, kissing my neck softly, and he turned me around in his arms,  
"I wanted t'talk to ya about last night." He swallowed slowly.  
I bit my lip, and I sighed,  
"Finn-"  
"No, no. I-I need to say this, Rae." I nodded. "I just. I'm sorry if I was a bit of a dick. I just hate seein' ya dressin' up like… not you. You're absolutely fuckin' beautiful, Rae, and the thought of ya dressin' up like—someone that ain't you… it makes me feel sad. Because it makes me think that you're doin' it for me, and I don't want that. I love ya for exactly who you are. Y'know?"  
I smiled at him, nodding, and I stuffed my face into the nape of his neck. Finn kissed the side of my head softly.  
"I love you so much, Finn." I sighed.  
"Mm I love you too, Rae."


	14. Chapter 14

"Right, gang." Chop started, as we all gathered our stuff, packing them away into our bags. "Shall we have a drink before we hit the road?"  
"No chance!" Izzy said, standing up, throwing her bag over her shoulder. "You are not having a drink, because you're driving. And once you have one, you'll want more."  
"That told you." Finn smirked, and I nudged his side. He looked down at me, and he winked, smiling at me. I smiled back at him, and then I looked back at Chop and Izzy.  
Chop rolled his eyes,  
"Fine. Let's just set off then." He murmured sulkily.  
The rest of the gang laughed, and we walked towards the car park. Finn had his arm wrapped around my shoulders, and my arm was wrapped around his waist.  
"So Archie? How did it go with that boy?" Izzy grinned, turning her head to look at him.  
Archie smiled sheepishly,  
"He gave me his number. He doesn't live that far away from Stamford."  
"Woohoo! Check you out, you stud muffin!"  
The rest of the gang laughed at Izzy's comment, and then we parted ways, when we reached our cars. Chop, Izzy and Archie climbed into Chop's car, and Finn and I climbed into Finn's dad's car. Buckling up and starting the engine, we set off; Finn driving behind Chop again. I slid off my flip-flops, and then I sighed contently.  
"What're you thinkin' about?" Finn asked, glancing over at me, before looking back at the road.  
I shrugged,  
"Just thinkin' about how much fun I've had today." I smiled looking over at him. "Thanks."  
Finn smiled,  
"You're welcome."  
I leaned back in my seat, and I looked out of the window. Finn turned on the stereo, his mixed tape filling the silence. I began to wonder about today, wondering how my expectations of the trip would've been like today had been shattered. I looked over at Finn, and I bit my lip,  
"I overheard Chop tellin' Archie about some party."  
Finn nodded, glancing over at me, and then back at the road,  
"Yeah, he asked me if ah wanted to go, an' you. I told 'im we'd let him know soon."  
I nodded,  
"When is it?"  
Finn shrugged,  
"Not sure, really." He let out a laugh. "Ah wasn't really listenin'."  
"That's helpful." I replied sarcastically.  
Finn grinned at me, and then he watched the road again.  
"Finn I feel bad."  
"About the whole cheatin' thing? Because, really, Rae, it's fine. Forget about it."  
I sighed slightly,  
"Not that. Well, okay yes I still feel like shit about that. But I mean with Chloe."  
He started laughing,  
"Oh right yeah." He shook his head, as he chuckled again. "Babe, don't feel bad. She was out of order, talkin' about ya behind ya back. Why do you even care? As long as she got fuckin' lost somewhere on her way home, then I'm fine."  
I sighed again,  
"Finn-"  
"No, Rae. Don't 'Finn' me. What Chloe was doin' was out of order, and I'm glad that Chop told 'er where to go. How can ya just sit there and let 'er say shit about ya, and put ya down? She's a shit friend and she deserves to be told as well."  
I rolled my eyes,  
"Okay first off, I've spoken to Chloe the other day. We had an argument and we're not on speaking terms right now. Okay? And Chloe is Chloe, I can't make her any different, and sure, it hurts when she puts me down and makes me feel like shit, but I get over it."  
"Ya don't need it, Rae. You don't need her acting like she's a fuckin' princess, and you're 'er slave." He looked over at me. "You're the princess, not 'er."  
I smiled small at him, and I nudged his arm,  
"You're a soppy twat."  
Finn rolled his eyes and he chuckled,  
"Fuck off, I do try."  
I giggled and I ran my hand through my hair. Licking my lips, I looked over at him,  
"Are you still up for that family dinner?" I asked.  
Finn nodded,  
"Course I am. Ah wanna meet ya mam and Karim properly."  
I sighed slightly,  
"Okay… but remember. You asked for it."  
He chuckled softly, shaking his head, and he continued to drive behind Chop.

* * *

When we arrived back home, we all climbed out of the cars, and we made our way over to the chippy. Finn held my hand as we walked inside, and then he pulled us away from the group.  
"What's up?" I asked, knitting my eyebrows together in confusion.  
Finn smiled at me,  
"I jus' wanted t'say that I love you."  
I smiled back at Finn,  
"I love you, too."  
Crinkling his nose at me, I giggled and crinkled my nose back at him, and then Finn held my hands, pulling me into him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing the top of my head softly,  
"I like that you're mine now." He murmured against my forehead.  
I blushed slightly, looking up at him, a smile widening on my face,  
"When did you get so good with your words?"  
"The moment we were completely honest with each other." He admitted.  
I grinned and I leaned up, pecking his lips softly, and then we made our way over to the table, where the rest of the gang were sitting.  
"I wonder how Chloe is doing." Izzy admitted, chewing on her bottom lip, as she looked down at the table.  
Finn and I shared a look, and then he rolled his eyes,  
"Fuck 'er, Izzy. She's a bitch and she slagged off Rae. Ya don't do that to ya mates."  
"Exactly, babe." Chop agreed.  
Izzy sighed slightly and she nodded,  
"I know. It's just, we left her all by herself in the middle of nowhere."  
"Not fuckin' far enough away if ya ask me." Finn mumbled, loud enough for everyone to hear.  
Archie and Chop mumbled their agreements, and then Archie wrapped his arm around Izzy's shoulders,  
"She'll be fine. She'll be sulking, but she's fine. She would've found a phone and made some drama by now."  
I rolled my eyes and snorted a laugh, and then the chippy door chiming open. My eyes flickered up, and my face dropped instantly. Chloe looked over at me, her eyes boring blankly into mine, and then she adjusted her rucksack, before she made her way over to the counter,  
"Can I have a can of coke, please?"  
Finn's head snapped up to see Chloe, and his jaw clenched instantly. He licked his lips, standing up, and I quickly held his hand,  
"Finn, please." I begged in a whispered tone.  
He looked down at me,  
"I'm jus' gonna say that what she did was out of order, Rae. Promise." He said softly.  
I looked at Chop and Archie, whom nodded encouragingly at me, and then I sighed, letting go of Finn's hand. I made sure I shuffled as close to the edge of the seat, as Finn made his way over to the counter,  
"Whatever the fuck ya said to get Chop so mad, was out of order, Chloe." Finn told her sternly, his eyes glaring into her, as she stared at him.  
Looking over at me, I was glad that I wasn't looking at them fully, and she sighed, looking back at Finn,  
"Look-"  
"No, Chloe, you look. I want you to be honest wi' me. What did you say about Rae?"  
Chloe's eyes widened,  
"Um…"  
"Tell me, Chloe."  
"I called her a drama queen."  
I rolled my eyes, and I saw Finn raise his eyebrows at her,  
"Go on."  
"She is a drama queen, Finn. Going on and on about how she's goin' through a lot, when all she's worrying about is you. 'Oh does he love me?''Oh he's bored of me'. And all that shit."  
I looked around the table, to see that everyone was staring at me sympathetically. I licked my lips, standing up, and I walked out of the chippy.  
"Rae!" I heard both Finn and Chop call after me.  
I walked down the street, folding my arms over my chest, as tears welled in my eyes.  
"Rae!" Finn called after me, hearing him run after me.  
I stopped walking, and I sniffed, turning round to him, and I wiped my tears away,  
"She made fun out of me, Finn." He smiled sympathetically at me, wrapping his arms around me, and he pulled me into a tight hug; making me instantly hug him back. "Am I really being that over-dramatic?"  
Finn sighed, shaking his head,  
"No." He spoke softly.  
I looked up at him, and he wiped away my tears, and he sighed,  
"C'mon, I'm takin' you home."  
I nodded slowly, and Finn took my hand, walking us over to his dad's car, and he unlocked the car doors, opening the passenger side door, and I climbed in. Shutting the door behind me, Finn then jogged around the car bonnet, and then he climbed into the driver's seat. The two of us buckled up, and Finn started the engine, and I could see Chloe's gaze boring into me as we drove out of the car park. I sighed deeply,  
"I'm a fuckin' wimp."  
"No you are not a wimp, Rae. I cannot fuckin' believe Chloe. Jus' running 'er fuckin' mouth off, when you were obviously sittin' right there. Fuckin' cow." He shook his head, and then he continued to drive.  
I looked at him,  
"I'm not gonna let 'er win, Finn. I'm gonna hold my head up high the next time I see her."  
Finn glanced at me and he smiled, nodding,  
"Good, baby, I'm glad."  
I smiled back at him, and then we both looked away from each other; and I furrowed my eyebrows together,  
"Finn, you've just gone past the street to my house." I looked back at him, but he didn't reply. Instead, he just continued to drive in silence, as I stared at him confused. We parked up outside Finn's house not long after, and I looked at him again, and he looked back at me, turning off his engine,  
"Change of plans. You're gonna ring ya mam, and tell 'er you're stayin' at mine. It's been two weeks since I went home, an' I wanna comfort ya tonight."  
I smiled at him, blushing slightly,  
"Technically it hasn't been a full two weeks."  
Finn rolled his eyes,  
"Oh, fuck off, Rae, c'mon."  
I laughed, the two of us unbuckling our seatbelts, and we climbed out of his dad's car, and we got out our stuff from the beach; and then I walked round to Finn's side,  
"Y'sure that your mum and dad are gonna be alright with me staying?" I asked.  
Finn nodded,  
"Course." He smiled, taking my hand, and we walked up his driveway. We walked through the front door, and he shut the door behind us. "Mum? Dad?"  
"Yes, sweetie, we're in the front room."  
Nodding, Finn squeezed my hand softly, and then we walked through the hallway and into the front room,  
"Hiya, guys. Is it alright if Rae stops tonight, please?"  
Finn's mum and dad shared a look, and then they looked at us,  
"Yes, son, that's fine." His dad answered.  
Finn looked at me and he grinned,  
"C'mon then." Giggling, I nodded, and then he led us upstairs and into his bedroom. Closing the door behind us, Finn led us over to his bed and he sighed happily, both of us sitting down. "Finally getting' ya all to myself."  
I blushed slightly, leaning into him, and nudging my shoulder against his,  
"You're sweet."  
"I try." He grinned, wrapping his arms around me. I sighed happily, leaning into him, and Finn kissed the side of my head softly. "I cannot wait to hold you in my arms."  
I smiled to myself, blushing deeper,  
"Fuckin' shut up." I mumbled.  
Finn chuckled softly,  
"Awe, baby. Am I makin' you all embarrassed?"  
"Yes." I murmured.  
He looked over at the alarm clock, and then so did I: 9:56 p.m. Finn looked at me, and he kissed my shoulder softly,  
"You tired?" He murmured.  
I shrugged,  
"A little." I admitted. "The sun and travelling have tired me out."  
Finn nodded in agreement,  
"Yeah, me too." Unwrapping his arms from around me, Finn stood up, and he made his way over to his chest of drawers, and he opened his underwear draw, and he got out a pair of boxers. Closing his draw and then walking over to his wardrobe, Finn got out his black _Oasis_ shirt, and then he walked over to the bed; handing me the pair of boxers and his shirt. "Here you go, baby."  
I furrowed my eyebrows, taking the clothes from him, and I looked up at him,  
"What're these for?"  
Finn let out a laugh,  
"To sleep in, obviously."  
I eyed the shirt and boxers, and I opened my mouth to protest, when I heard Finn sigh,  
"Just fuckin' put 'em on, Rae. Stop worryin' about the size and shit." I looked up at him, and I opened my mouth to protest, but Finn cut in rolling his eyes. "Rae, you're fuckin' beautiful and all, but if ya don't put on the stuff, I'll force it on ya."  
I rolled my eyes, sighing, and I stood up, putting the clothes down onto the bed, and then I slid off my flip-flops, and I slid off my summer dress, and then I peeled off my swimming costume. Finn cleared his throat slightly, looking away from my naked body, as I turned away from him to face the bed; picking up his boxer shorts. I took a silent deep breath, and then I stepped into them, pulling them up. To my surprise, they actually fit me. I smiled to myself, and then I picked up Finn's _Oasis_ shirt, and I pulled it on over my head. When I turned to Finn, I saw that he was watching me with a smile on his face.  
"What?" I asked defensively.  
Finn smiled bigger at me, shaking his head, stepping closer to me and wrapping his arms around my waist,  
"I love it when ah prove ya wrong."  
I rolled my eyes and scoffed, hugging Finn's waist, and then I leaned up, kissing his lips softly once. Pulling out of the embrace, Finn kicked off his converses, and then he unbuttoned his jeans button, pulling them down, and then he pulled his shirt off over his head. I bit my lip, my eyes roaming over his bare chest, and when I gazed back up at his face, I noticed that Finn was smirking at me. Blushing deeply, I looked away from him, and I heard him chuckle,  
"C'mon, Rae-Rae. Let's sleep, yeah?"  
I nodded, and Finn pulled back the covers, and I climbed under the covers first, and then Finn climbed in after. Wrapping his arms around me instantly, I moved closer to him and I snuggled into his side. He ran his hand through my hair, and I heard the quiet sigh of contentment leave his lips; making me smile instantly. I looked up at him, meeting his gaze,  
"Thanks for this."  
He shrugged slightly,  
"It's nought, Rae. Jus' like spendin' time wi' ya, don't I?"  
I smiled bigger at him,  
"Definitely a soppy twat." I teased.  
Rolling his eyes playfully, Finn smiled at me, and then he leaned down, kissing my forehead softly,  
"Y'know, I was listenin' to a song yesterday, an' it brought me back to the day of the sexy party."  
I smiled,  
"What song was it?" I asked.  
"_Fade to You_."  
I grinned big,  
"I fuckin' love that song!"  
He chuckled softly,  
"Yeah, me too. It reminded me of how you jus' sat there an' listened to me for ages. Bangin' on about me Nan, and how you weren't even bothered at all."  
I smiled at him,  
"Why would I mind?"  
Finn shrugged slightly,  
"I dunno. We weren't on the best of terms, and-"  
"Finn." I cut him off, sitting up, and turning my body to face him. "You misread what I meant that night in the cupboard, and anyway. I came lookin' for ya to apologise for it all, but then I saw that you needed me. So I was there, an' I listened to ya, and honestly? I wouldn't take it back for a second, because that was one of the first times I saw the real you."  
Finn smiled up at me, and he sat up, cupping my face; and he kissed my lips softly once,  
"I fuckin' love you, Rachel Earl."  
I smiled back at him,  
"I love you too, Finn Nelson."  
He brushed his fingertips over my _f_ necklace, which instantly made my heart race, and I blushed slightly, watching his face.  
"How about…" He started, looking up at me. "We reschedule our date?" He suggested.  
I swallowed slowly, a lump forming in my throat,  
"R-Really?"  
Finn nodded,  
"Definitely." He breathed out, with a smile on his face. "So what do ya say?"  
I nodded,  
"It sounds perfect, Finn." I pecked his lips softly. "And I promise: no makeovers."  
Finn smiled,  
"No makeovers. Jus' don't tell 'em until the next day." He chuckled.  
I laughed, nodding,  
"Deal."  
Finn stroked my cheek softly,  
"Can't believe that school starts in two weeks."  
I nodded, sighing a little,  
"Yeah, me too. Ah like seein' you nearly every day, and now that school's about to start-"  
"Hey, hey, hey." He spoke softly. "You'll see me more, because of school. Don't you worry, Rae-Rae, I'll make sure I see ya at least once a day." He gave me a small smile. "Yeah?"  
I nodded, smiling small at him,  
"Yeah."  
He tucked some hair behind my ear,  
"Ah know you're scared because of all the bad stuff that you went through, but don't worry. You have me, and all the gang, alright? Jus' promise me that you won't make any new friends. I mean, you can make friends for class purposes only, but we don't need anymore additions to the group." He smirked at me.  
I scoffed, rolling my eyes at him,  
"You're just Mr. Bossy Pants today, aren't you?"  
Finn smirked bigger at me,  
"You know it, baby."  
Rolling my eyes playfully, I grinned at Finn, and then I laid back and so did Finn; him instantly wrapping his arms around my waist. Pulling me in closer to me, Finn brushed his lips over my softly,  
"You look sexy as fuck in my clothes, Rae-Rae." He murmured against my lips.  
I smiled, blushing softly, and I shuddered, feeling Finn brush his lips over mine again,  
"They're comfy." I commented. "Wish ah'd brought ya hoodie today."  
Finn chuckled softly,  
"I'm glad ya didn't. Ya looked gorgeous today." I blushed deeper, and I nudged his leg with my foot, making him laugh. "Awe, Rae-Rae. Am I makin' ya all embarrassed?" I glared at him and he laughed again. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry." He pecked my lips softly, and then I smiled at him, yawning slightly. "Bedtime." He cooed softly in my ear.  
I nodded, knowing that there was no point fighting against the fact that my eyes were already drooping shut. Snuggling closer to him, I rested my head on Finn's chest, and Finn instantly kissed the top of my head softly,  
"I love you, Rae-Rae. Sweet dreams, baby."  
I sighed in contentment,  
"Goodnight, Finnypoo. I love you too."  
I closed my eyes, and instantly, I fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

The day of the party had arrived. Ironically, the party that Chop was going on and on about to Finn at the beach, was in fact the next day. I woke up that Friday morning, and I rolled onto my back, groaning slightly, as I felt the sun hit my eyes. Rubbing my eyes, I blinked open my eyes, and I realised where I was. Looking to my left, I smiled to myself, seeing Finn lying there. He was slowly stirring awake, and I bit my lip, trying to resist the urge to kiss all over his bare chest. It was so inviting and so… perfect. It was hard. Finn slowly fluttered open his eyes, and he looked over at me, smiling tiredly,  
"Mmm, morning, Rae-Rae."  
I smiled back at him,  
"Morning, Finnypoo."  
Groaning playfully, Finn wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him, and he kissed my shoulder softly,  
"And how did you sleep?" He murmured.  
"Surprisingly well." I admitted.  
Finn smiled against my shoulder,  
"That's good to hear, baby."  
"So when was you going to tell me that Chop's party was tonight?" I asked him, raising my eyebrows at him.  
Groaning, Finn looked at me,  
"Now?"  
I laughed, shaking my head,  
"It's a good job you talk in your sleep."  
Finn rolled his eyes, and he smiled, pecking my lips softly. I smiled against his lips, and then I sat up,  
"We should get up."  
"Mmm, we should." He agreed, nodding. "But…" He trailed off, his eyes lighting up with a hint of blackness in his eyes; his eyes glinting with mischievousness. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me back down, and he kissed my lips deeply. I smiled instantly, kissing Finn back, and I ran my hand down his chest, a low growl leaving his lips. I smirked against his lips, moving myself closer, and I ran a hand through his hair, trying my best to keep myself calm. But I could feel his body pressing closer and closer against mine; his bare chest pressing against mine, and his legs tangling with mine. Gripping his hair tightly, Finn let out a soft moan, and then so did I. He ran his hands down my sides, and then he ran his hands under his _Oasis_ shirt that I was wearing, and his hands cupped over my breasts. Letting out a gasp, I arched my back into his body, and we both let out a groan of pleasure.  
"Rae." Finn mumbled huskily, as he pulled out of the kiss, and he kissed my neck softly.  
"Mmm?" I replied, tipping my head back, and pressing his head into my neck more gently, feeling his tongue run along my neck, as he softly sucked on my neck. I closed my eyes, licking my lips, and I let out a soft moan.  
"I need to—I need—"  
"Have me." I cut him off in a husky whisper.  
Without hesitating, Finn laid me on my back, as he sucked on my neck, and he straddled over me. My hands ran down his back softly, and when I reached the top of his boxers, I began to push them down, making Finn groan softly,  
"Eager." He mumbled against my neck.  
I bit my lip and I continued to push them down, and then Finn moved his hands from my breasts, and he pulled down the boxers of his that I were wearing, and he threw both boxers onto the floor. I began pushing the _Oasis_ shirt off, but Finn grabbed my wrists, and we both looked at each other,  
"Leave it on." He whispered.  
I nodded quickly, and swallowed thickly, as Finn licked his lips, his eyes roaming over my body. He then leaned over to open his bedside draw, and he got out a condom. Quickly ripping it open and pulling it out of the packet, Finn rolled the condom onto his length, and then he threw the packet onto the floor. He leaned down, kissing my neck again, and I tipped my head back, Finn slowly sliding inside me, and he thrusted in me quickly; making my gasp and moan out in pleasure,  
"Ohhhhh, fuck…!" I moaned out, my mouth dropping open.  
Finn grunted, thrusting inside me quickly, sucking against my neck, and he ran his hands down my sides. Finn lifted his head from my neck, and he rested his forehead gently against mine, as he thrusted faster inside me. I arched my back into Finn's, and I moaned out loud, and Finn joined in. Groaning with pleasure, Finn's hands cupped my breasts, as he slowly began to massage them. I ran my hands into hair at the back of his head, and I gripped it tightly, tugging his hair slightly, and Finn growled,  
"Ugh, Rae." He moaned out. Finn began to pick up the pace, and I could feel myself becoming weaker underneath him, both of our breathing was heavy, and my insides were tingling. "Fuck, this shirt looks fucking good on ya." He mumbled, before tipping his head back and he let out a loud, passionate moan. Gasping, I tipped my head far back, and I gripped his hair tighter, Finn responding with a loud groan. He began to massage my breasts more roughly, and then I felt my orgasm begin. Finn groaned to himself, pushing himself deeper inside me, as he thrusted faster, and I gasped out loud, as a moan escaped my lips.  
"You're so tight." He growled, thrusting himself inside me even faster, and I felt my legs tingle and they twitched slightly, as I came, tipping my head back, and I moaned out in pleasure. Finn groaned in pleasure also, and he came straight afterwards, calling out my name. As we rode out our orgasms, Finn then pulled out of me, and he collapsed beside me on the bed. We both looked up at the ceiling, the two of us breathing heavily.  
"Fuckin' hell." Finn breathed out.  
I nodded in reply, and then I turned my head to face Finn, and he looked at me, the two of us smiling tiredly at one another. I swallowed slightly, moving closer to Finn, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me in close to him. He rolled off his used condom, and he placed it on his bedside table beside him. Looking down at me, Finn was smiling to himself, as he brushed his knuckles over my cheek softly. I smiled to myself, and I blushed slightly as he did.

* * *

We got out of bed ten minutes later, and I pulled Finn's boxers back on, and he pulled on his own on again. We made our way downstairs and into the kitchen, and I sat down on the breakfast barstool, and I watched Finn as he turned on the kettle, get out the coffee mugs and then he put a teabag in both mugs. He poured the hot water into the mugs, and he stirred them both, before he poured the milk into them both, and he put the milk away, stirring the teas again; and then he threw the teabags into the bin. Picking up both mugs, Finn walked over to the island where I was sitting, and he sat down beside me, setting a mug in front of me. smiling at him, I picked up the mug,  
"Thanks, Finn." I took a sip of my tea.  
"You're welcome, Rae. What do you want to eat?"  
I shrugged slightly,  
"What've you got?"  
"Uh… sausages, cereal, fruit." He shrugged.  
"Can I have cereal, please?" He began to stand up. "It can wait until after tea, Finn." I smiled at him.  
He nodded, sitting back down, and we both began to drink our tea in silence. Finn licked his lips,  
"What do you wanna do today?"  
"Well it is the party tonight." I pointed out.  
Finn let out a sigh,  
"Aye, so it is."  
I rolled my eyes playfully, smiling at him,  
"Don't sound too chuffed."  
Finn grinned at me,  
"Sorry, sorry." He cleared his throat and he grinned big at me. "Oh my god, I'm so excited!" He continued sarcastically.  
I shook my head, giggling, nudging his leg with my foot, making Finn chuckle. I took a sip of my tea,  
"I was thinking, maybe you and I could spend some alone time tonight?" Finn raised his eyebrows at me. "Not _that_ kind of alone time." I told him. "I just… since Wednesday-"  
"Rae." Finn sighed.  
"Look, Finn, I acted like such a bitch. I wa' stupid, immature an' I let my thoughts get in my head. I just want to spend some time wi' ya tonight, so we can jus' forget about it all. Y'know?"  
Finn smiled small at me and he nodded,  
"Alright, Rae-Rae. If that's what ya want."  
I nodded quickly,  
"More than anything."  
Finn smiled at me,  
"Then we will. We'll spend most of the time jus' us then." He leaned closer to me, pecking my lips softly. "I love you."  
"I love you, too."

* * *

After we'd eaten and got ready for the day, Finn drove me back to my house on his motorcycle. Helping me climb off the bike, I pulled the helmet and I handed it to him. Finn shook his head,  
"Ya keep givin' it back, an' I don't know why." Finn smiled. "It's yours, Rae."  
I smiled back at him, blushing slightly, and Finn lifted the tinted shield up. I could see that he was grinning at me, and I leaned forward, kissing the bridge of his nose softly,  
"I'll see ya tonight, yeah?" Finn nodded. "See ya, Finn. I love you."  
"I love you too, Rae. See you tonight." He put his shield back down, and he began to rev his engine. Stepping back onto the path, I waved at him, and then he drove away, and I watched after him, smiling to myself. I took a deep breath, licking my lips, before I walked up the driveway, and then I walked through the front door, shutting the door behind me. I was glad mum was at work today, knowing that if she wasn't, I would've been grounded. Forever, according to my mum. Kicking off my shoes, and walking upstairs and into my bedroom, I closed my bedroom door behind me. I placed my helmet on the chair, and I pulled my bag and leather jacket off, throwing it onto the bed, and then I sat down too, sighing deeply. Pulling my diary out, I swallowed slightly, as I opened up a new, clean page.

_Dear Diary,  
Well, I am a fucking idiot, diary. Why? Because Finn  
didn't cheat on me! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO  
FUCKING WRONG?! I hated how I've been acting. I've  
been acting like a complete and utter bitch! Speaking of bitches,  
when we pulled up to a café, and then went into the cars  
after getting refreshments and shit, (because Chloe was  
complaining non-fucking-stop), Chop got angry. As in, really  
angry. I didn't expect it, really. He and Chloe were both out  
of his car, and Chop was saying that he shouldn't be talking  
shit about me, if I was her so-called best friend. Well, clearly  
I'm not. Izzy is. Or anyone else, that isn't me. Okay, so maybe  
we were in a fight right now, but we seemed to be doing  
alright the other day, when I was getting ready at Izzy's. I  
thought that maybe we could be grownups about it, but  
clearly I was wrong. I couldn't believe what happened next.  
Chop got in the car, and he locked Chloe out! It was fucking  
unbelievable! All because she was saying some shit about  
me. I was in so much shock, I couldn't believe that Chop and  
everyone else seemed so… on my side. I mean, they'd known  
Chloe longer, so why were they defending me? Because  
they felt sorry for me? Because I'm the mental case  
in the group and they're scared that if they didn't defend  
me, I might turn crazy again? Ha, fat chance! After Chop  
locked Chloe out, she tried getting into our car, and I basically  
told Finn not to. There was no way that I was having that  
cow talking shit about me and then expecting me to save her  
fucking arse. No chance. And then the gang did something  
unexpectedly. We left her there. In the middle of nowhere. Just  
left her. Finn kept trying to convince me that she'd be alright,  
but my mind was telling me otherwise. But I had bigger  
problems…_

_ Which brings me back to my Finn drama. When we were  
in the café to get 'refreshments', I asked Chop what Finn was  
doing on Monday. Finn had told me to ask him, because he told  
me that he spent the day with Chop and Archie at the garage where  
Chop works. Of course, I thought that was complete and utter  
bullshit. But when I talked to Chop, he went along with  
Finn's story, as well. Said that they were shit or something,  
which really confused me. "If Finn was at the garage, then  
why did I see him kissing some brunette slut?" That was the  
question that was roaming around and around in my head.  
And then I thought back to Monday. __Really__ thought about it.  
And the conclusion I came to? It wasn't even Finn. My mind  
had tricked me a-fucking-gain. I felt like an idiot. I __still__ feel like  
a complete and utter twat! I had accused him all week of being some  
manwhore, so how can could he just forgive me like this? That's right,  
he actually fucking forgave me. Can you believe that? Just like that!  
I don't even deserve Finn. I definitely do not deserve him. Finn told  
me to forget about it all, and to just enjoy the day together. So we did.  
And some stupid fucking bitch commented on my weight, and Finn  
basically went ballistic. He defended me, and I felt… proud, happy,  
aroused. Okay, I suppose I shouldn't have felt the last one, but I  
did a little bit._

_ When we got home, we went to the chippy, and guess who turned  
up? Fucking Chloe. Finn got up and he spoke to her, asking her  
what she said. What she said ain't important, but it made me stand up  
and walk out of the fucking shop. Finn ran after me and he took me  
home. Well, he took me to his. And I stayed the night. I'm so  
glad that mum was at work today, because if she found out  
that I didn't come home last night, then she would've  
flipped out._

_ Anyway, that's all for today, diary, and I'll be writing again  
soon. Bye, diary.  
Rae._

I closed my diary, and I sighed deeply, setting my diary onto the bedside table. I smiled to myself, feeling the weight lifting from my shoulders, and I felt myself begin to relax. Laying back on my bed, I stared up at the glow in the dark stars and moons on my ceiling, and I smiled to myself, feeling myself becoming lost in the world of space. Feeling all my problems, all my thoughts and all my emotions slowly disappearing.

* * *

It was now six in the evening, and I made my way over to my wardrobe. Opening the wardrobe doors, I began looking through my clothes. Sighing softly, I wasn't in the mood to dress up, to look like I'm comfortable in my own skin. Because I knew I wasn't, and so did Finn. shaking out the thoughts from my head, I got out my denim skirt, and a pair of leggings, as well as a white t-shirt and my red, chequered shirt. Walking over to my bed, I laid the clothes onto my bed, and then I pulled off my clothes and I changed into my clothes for tonight. Walking over to my full-length mirror, I then ran my hands through my hair, biting my lip, I debated what to do with my hair.  
"Up… down… up… down…" I mumbled to myself, tilting my head side to side, as I stared at my hair in the mirror. Sighing slightly, I twisted my fringe, and I clipped it back. Smiling slightly at my reflection, I then looked over my shoulder, and I walked over to my bed, placing my diary in my bottom draw. I took a deep breath, and then I checked the time: six-fifteen. I was early. Finn was picking me up in fifteen minutes, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I was nervous and excited at the same time. Sitting down on my bed, I stared ahead at the blank wall, and I smiled to myself. I was going to be spending alone time with Finn. Building the bridges back up, so this week could be over and done with. I sighed again. I hope.

* * *

Finn and I arrived at the party with the gang around 6:50 p.m. We walked up to the front door, and Chop knocked on the door. As the guy opened the door, I looked at Finn for some help, but he shrugged at me, and we all walked inside. I looked around the room, and my eyes stopped at the sofa. Chloe was already here. Swallowing slowly, I moved closer to Finn, and he wrapped his arm around my waist. I smiled to myself, and we made our way into the kitchen, and Finn poured the two of us a drink.  
"Rae? You look fab today!" Izzy grinned.  
Smiling sheepishly at her, I nodded slightly,  
"Thanks, Iz. You look lovely."  
Izzy rolled her eyes and she smiled,  
"Thanks."  
I let out a laugh at how modest she was. I took a sip of the drink that Finn handed me.  
"No spin the bottle." He murmured in my ear.  
I looked at him and laughed, nodding,  
"Okay."  
He narrowed his eyes at me,  
"I'm serious."  
"So am I!" I smiled at him.  
He smiled back at me, and he wrapped his arm around my waist again, and we walked out of the kitchen, and into the living room. My heart was racing, as I felt the vibration of the music thumping against the floor. I took another sip of my drink, noticing that Chloe's eyes were on me. We stared at each other for a few seconds, and I could see the hope in her eyes. Breaking the gaze, I looked up at Finn and I smiled,  
"Let's 'ave some fun, yeah?"  
"Course, Rae-Rae." Finn smiled back at me, kissing the side of my head softly.  
I sighed in relief, instantly feeling myself relax. Finn and I walked over to a corner of the room, where Barney was. We began chatting with him, and then Archie made his way over. After a couple more minutes of chatting with the two of them, Finn and I made our way over to the music,  
"Right. Let's sort out these shit tunes out, yeah?" I nodded, sighing slightly, and we both sat down on the floor, flicking through the CDs. "Rae, all these CDs are fuckin' shit!"  
I sighed deeply,  
"Oh my god, these people have no fuckin' taste in music! I mean, have they heard of a radio?!" Finn chuckled and I rolled my eyes. "It is not funny, Finn!"  
"I know it's not, but you're so cute when you get all defensive about music."  
I blushed and nudged my shoulder against his, and Finn grinned big, kissing my cheek softly. He continued to flick through the CDs and he sighed,  
"_Take That_. That's the best we've got."  
"Fuck it." I said, taking the CD and throwing it away from the two of us. "We'll deal with this shit."  
"Alright, alright fine." The two of us stood up and then we held hands, walking away from the stereo, and we made our way to the other side of the room.

* * *

We had been here for an hour and a half, and we were all pretty tipsy. We were mixing drinks with anything that we could find. Finn and I were sitting on the sofa, his hand resting on my thigh, and he was tapping his fingertip against my thigh, along to the beat. My eyes were scanning the scene, and I noticed an unusual interaction taking place. The girl who was talking to Chloe. She had jet-black hair and she was stick think. She was sickenly thin. Her eyes kept drifting over to our direction. Well, not our direction, _Finn's_ direction. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I felt Finn's finger stop tapping my finger, and as I took a sip of my drink, and I glanced at Finn; seeing that his gaze was in Chloe and the girl's direction. My face dropped and I quickly stood up, walking away from the sofa, and I placed my cup down on a random table. I heard Finn calling after me, and rushed upstairs, and I opened a cupboard door and I walked inside, shutting the door in after me. Finn walked into the cupboard straight away, and he stared at me in bewilderment,  
"Rae? What's wrong?"  
I stared at him, my eyes filling with tears, as my erratic breathing began to speed up even more.


	16. Chapter 16

"Rae? What's wrong?"  
I stared at him, my eyes filling with tears, as my erratic breathing began to speed up even more. I sighed deeply and I sniffed,  
"I saw you. I saw you looking at that girl!" I said; my voice filled with hysterics.  
Finn blinked at me a couple of times,  
"Rae? What the fuck are ya on about?"  
I swallowed,  
"I saw you. I-I-I was lookin' over at Chloe, an' I noticed that, that girl was lookin' at ya. Like, really lookin' at ya. And why wouldn't she, eh? You're fuckin' you! And as I looked away, I took a sip of whatever the fuck it is you made me this time, and I noticed that your attention has moved from me, to that girl!"  
Finn stared at me, his gaze filled with disappointment, hurt, anger and sadness.  
"R-Rae. What part of 'I would never cheat on ya' don't ya understand? Eh? Is there something in that fuckin' sentence that ya don't understand? Because I really don't know what to do wi' ya, to make ya realise that ah love you an' only you!" He sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair.  
I stared at him, tears rolling down my cheeks, and I sniffed,  
"I saw ya, Finn. I saw-"  
"No! No ya din't, Rae. What ya saw was me lookin' over at whatever it was that you were lookin' at! Ah din't even realise that Chloe wa' here until I saw ya starin' at her. Ah wa' lookin' at Chloe. And the reason why it looked like ah weren't payin' ya any attention, because ah was tryin' to calm me self down. Alright? Is that okay with you?"  
I scoffed,  
"Sure." I replied sarcastically, blinking back the tears.  
Finn looked at me, sadness filling his eyes, and he looked at the cupboard door and back at me. I looked down at the floor, trying to calm myself down, and all I could hear in the silence, was Finn leaving. He left the cupboard, leaving me all alone. I leaned my back against the wall, and I looked up at the ceiling closing my eyes, as I tried to compose myself.

* * *

After fifteen minutes, I walked out of the cupboard, and I ran my hands over my face. I swallowed back the lump in my throat, and I tried to keep myself strong. I needed to find Finn and apologise. Looking around the landing, I noticed Chop,  
"Chop!" I called over, as I rushed over to him.  
He turned to me and he gave me a smile,  
"Hiya, Raemundo."  
"Where's Finn?" I asked.  
He nodded to the door in front of him, and I smiled small in return. Licking my lips, I walked over to the door, and I opened it. As the door opened, I felt like I was being teleported back to my sexy party, when I saw Finn crying on my mum's bed. It was the same scene. Except this time, there was no phone in his hands, no dialling tone, and the reason why he was crying, was because of me. Finn looked over his shoulder at me, and I could see that his face was glistening. He was really crying. I looked down to the floor,  
"Oh, shit." I whispered to myself. I had done this. I had caused Finn to get so worked up, that he was now crying. Crying because of me. I hated myself in this moment. Finn was just staring at me. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing that I hadn't attracted anyone's attention. But Chop was still watching me. He nodded at me, and I walked inside, closing the bedroom door behind me. De ja vu was hitting me, but I didn't care. "Oh Finn, I'm so sorry." I said softly, sitting down beside him on the bed. I placed my hand on his shoulder, staring at him, and he sniffed. Sighing to myself, I wrapped my arms around him, and Finn instantly wrapped his arms around my waist, crying into my shoulder. I rubbed his back softly,  
"You just gotta believe me." He sobbed into my shoulder. "I fuckin' love ya, Rae. I love you an' no one else!" He continued to sob.  
I pursed my lips together, tears welling up in my eyes, and I nodded,  
"I know." I whispered. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Finn. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have assumed shit. Especially after everything we've been through this week."  
Finn continued to sob in silence, gripping the back of my shirt, and he moved closer to me.  
"I-I'm not used t'this, Rae." Finn sobbed. "I ain't used to this relationship stuff. And-and-and I really thought that-that you an'-an' me could… y'know? Work. But ya keep resisting me and pushin' me away. Ya've gotta stop, Rae." He sniffed. "Please." Finn's voice broke, and my heart tightened.  
I swallowed slowly, moving my head into Finn's neck,  
"I know. I'm so sorry, Finn." I said quietly. We sat here in silence, me rubbing Finn's back in comfort, as he continued to sob on my shoulder. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, as the guilt from what I had caused Finn to do, was imprinted on my mind. I kissed his neck softly, as I rubbed his back softly. I felt like the most craziest and paranoid girlfriend ever. Why was he still with me? What was making him stay? Was it because I was crazy? Because I was in a mental home? Or because he really does believe that we have something special here? I heard Finn sniff and he pulled out of the embrace, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. I began to wipe his face clean from his tears, and Finn smiled weakly at me. Returning the smile, I held his hand, squeezing it gently,  
"I love you, Finn."  
He sniffed, nodding,  
"I know you do." He mumbled. "An' I love you, too."  
We both sniffed and then we let out a small laugh,  
"Shall we uh... Get cleaned up and try to enjoy the night?"  
Finn nodded,  
"But can we just... Can we just stay here for a little while? I just want our alone time now."  
I nodded, wiping away Finn's tears,  
"Of course we can, Finn."  
He smiled small at me, and he sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair,  
"Fuck me. I haven't cried so much since..." He trailed off and he looked at me.  
I smiled small at him,  
"I know." I whispered.  
Kissing his temple softly, I took a deep breath, before holding his hand in mine, and I stroked the back of his hand with my thumb. Both of our eyes were fixed on my thumb stroking the back of his hand.  
"Ah remember we were in this kinda situation, ah told ya that ah liked talkin' to ya."  
I smiled,  
"And you don't like talking to anybody."  
I looked up at Finn, to see that he was grinning to himself. He looked up at me, leaning closer to me, and he kissed my lips softly once. I smiled against his lips, and then I sighed softly to myself in contentment.

* * *

We walked out of the bedroom half an hour later, holding hands, and we made our way downstairs. Walking into the kitchen, Finn poured the two of us a drink, and then we walked into the living room, and we sat down on the sofa like before.  
"So, c'mon." Finn started, taking a sip of his drink. "What's good ol' Rachel Earl gotta say about this pile of shite we're listenin' to?"  
I looked over at Finn and I laughed, shaking my head,  
"Me? Oh y'know… It's a pile of shite." The two of us started laughing, and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in closer to him, and I rested my head on his shoulder softly. "I love you, Finn."  
Finn looked down at me, kissing the side of my head softly,  
"An' I love you, Rae-Rae."  
I felt Finn's fingertip tap along to the beat against my shoulder, and I smiled to myself, my right foot tapping along to the beat, as well. This was nice. This was really nice. This was what we needed. Normality. Comfort. Not Miss. Rachel Earl being Miss. Paranoid as per usual. I looked around the room, lifting my head from his shoulder, and my eyes spotted something; making my eyes light up, before I looked at Finn. His gaze had followed mine, and when he met my gaze, he placed both his hands up, shaking his head,  
"No."  
"Oh c'mon Finn!"  
"No, no, fucking no. No fucking way. Uh-uh!"  
"C'mon, Finn, ya danced wi' me at me mam's reception, so dance wi' me now!" I begged him, turning my body to face him.  
He glanced at the couples dancing, and he looked back at me, licking his lips and shaking his head,  
"Uh-uh."  
"Why not?" I asked, frowning at him.  
"Cause ya mam's reception were a lot different, Rae." He explained. "It wa' slow dancin', an' I don't mind slow dancin'. But this is like, fuckin' ravin', an-"  
"An' I saw ya dancin' about there, too." I pointed out, smirking at him.  
Finn rolled his eyes,  
"There's no fuckin' room!" He offered, and I could tell that he was desperate for a way out.  
"Jus' one dance." I reasoned. "Please?"  
Sighing deeply, and rubbing his hands over his face, Finn groaned,  
"One dance." He told me. Grinning big, the two of us stood up and we made our way over to the part of the living room where people were dancing. At first, we both just stood there. It was really fucking awkward. Why the fuck did I talk him into this? I asked myself. Very slowly, we began to join in with the dancing, the two of us laughing, and taking the piss out of the people around us. The song changed to something slower, and Finn's eyebrows rose at me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and he pulled me in closer to him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I smiled to myself, and I kissed his lips softly once,  
"You're just Mr. Romantic really, ain't ya?" I teased.  
Finn grinned at me,  
"Dammit, there goes my big secret." He teased back.  
I giggled shaking my head, and the two of us looked over at a couple that were dancing near us,  
"That's not even dancin'." I mumbled, looking back over at Finn. "They're jus' dry humpin' to shit music."  
Finn smirked and he raised his eyebrows at me,  
"Well in that case…"  
"Fuck off." I tipped my head back and I laughed hard. Finn pulled me in closer to him, and he chuckled along with me. "'Ow about we jus' get a drink and find the gang?" I offered.  
Finn stopped swaying side to side and he sighed in relief,  
"Thank fucking god."  
Grinning at him, we dropped our hands, and Finn entwined his fingers with mine, and we walked away from where everyone was dancing, and then we walked into the kitchen. Picking up two new plastic cups, and we poured ourselves some beer. Chop and Izzy came into the kitchen, and as we turned to them, Chop was spinning Izzy around in circles, Izzy squealing and giggling like mad. I smiled to myself, before I felt Finn's gaze on me. Looking at him, I noticed that his eyebrows were raised at me again, and I smiled at him, rolling my eyes playfully.  
"Well, well, well then." Chop slurred, after he put Izzy down onto her feet. "What's goin' on 'ere then?"  
"What's it look like?" Finn asked, the slight hint of both sarcasm and humour in his voice.  
Chop rolled his eyes,  
"You're a right twat sometimes, Nelson." Both Finn and I laughed. "Who's up for a few party games?"  
"Oh yeah?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him. "Like wha? Spin the bottle?" I snorted. "Pass."  
"Anyway you two. I didn't know you were into this sorta music." Izzy slurred.  
"We're not." We both answered at the same time.  
Izzy grinned at the two of us,  
"So how come I just saw you both dancing then?"  
"Ohhh!" Chop exclaimed, grinning big and wrapping his arm around Izzy's shoulders. "Looks like someone's got some explainin' t'do."  
"Alright, it's called my girlfriend fuckin' begged me to." Finn answered.  
I shrugged innocently as both Izzy and Chop's gaze turned to me,  
"Jus' thought ah'd join in." I replied.  
I tried avoiding their smirks, but I knew I wasn't going to hear the end of it. Rolling my eyes, I scoffed, taking a sip of my drink, and I walked out of the kitchen. Hearing Finn laugh after me, I couldn't help but smile. This was what I liked – normality. Feeling Finn wrap his arms around my waist from behind, I stopped walking and I smiled, leaning into his chest.  
"I like it when ya get all huffy." Finn murmured in my ear.  
Rolling my eyes playfully, I turned in Finn's arms, and then I wrapped my arms around his neck,  
"Hmmm, really now?"  
Finn chuckled softly and he nodded,  
"Oh, aye."  
"Whatcha wanna do?" I asked him.  
Finn shrugged slightly,  
"We could jus' watch spin the bottle 'appen?" I raised my eyebrows at him and we both laughed. "Kay, maybe not."  
"Hmmm, maybe not."

* * *

Later that night, Finn and I were laid under the covers in the guest bedroom of whoever's house it was. Finn had his arms wrapped around my waist, and my head was leaning against his. It was only around midnight, and the party was still going on downstairs, the faded music filling the comfortable in the silence. People were slowly starting to go home, but the night was still young. In Chop's eyes. Izzy was curled up into his side by this point, and I hoped that Chop was still looking after her. I mentally rolled my eyes. Course he was looking after her. He fucking worshipped that girl. Finn and I decided to go to bed around fifteen minutes ago. We were both emotionally drained, and to be quite honest, we weren't up for the party in the first place. I was glad that we weren't drunk. Just tipsy. I ran my hand up and down Finn's side, and I smiled to myself, sighing happily.  
"Ya alright, Rae-Rae?" Finn murmured.  
I nodded looking at him,  
"I'm more than alright." I admitted.  
Chuckling slightly, he looked at me, pecking my lips softly,  
"Ya 'ad a good time?"  
I nodded,  
"Yeah, were alright. You?"  
Finn smiled at me and he nodded,  
"Yeah, were alright."  
Finn brushed some hair away from my face, and I shifted, so I was lying on my side,  
"Finn?"  
"Mm?" He asked, rolling onto his side, also.  
"What's your goal in life? Like, what do you wanna do?"  
"Y'mean career wise?" He asked me, and I nodded in response. "Ah wanna be a radio DJ, Rae. Like, I'm dead serious about it. Ah don't wanna do anything else. As long as ah'm on the radio, ah know ah'll be alright." I smiled at him, my heart fluttering at how passionate he was about being a radio DJ. Seeing the way his eyes lit up as he explained it. I knew that he was going to become one. It was just going to take time. "Wha about you, Rae-Rae? What's your goal in life?"  
I sighed deeply,  
"I wanna be selfish." Finn furrowed his eyebrows at me in confusion, and I giggled. "Ah wanna be a writer and a radio DJ."  
Chuckling, Finn shook his head, placing his hand on my hip,  
"Ah, I see. Was confused there for a second."  
I giggled again, and I licked my lips, my face turning serious,  
"Do you think we'll make it, Finn? D'ya think we'll get our dream?"  
Finn sighed slightly, moving closer to me, and he nodded,  
"Yeah, Rae. I really think we're gonna make it. 'Specially you. You're gonna go far, Rae-Rae. You're gonna be an amazing writer, writing ya books an' changing lives all around the world."  
I smiled listening to him,  
"You really think so?"  
Finn shook his head,  
"I know so."  
I smiled bigger, kissing his lips softly once,  
"You're going to be an amazing radio DJ, Finn."  
Finn smiled at me,  
"Thanks, baby."  
"You're welcome, Finnypoo."  
Finn kissed my lips softly, cupping my face gently as he did. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I kissed him back softly, and the two of us moved closer together. Running a hand down my back, I smiled into the kiss, and then we both pulled out,  
"Think we should sleep." Finn commented.  
I nodded, my eyes suddenly feeling heavy,  
"Yeah, we should."  
Rolling onto his back, I instantly rested my head against his head gently, wrapping my arms around his waist, as Finn wrapped his arms around me,  
"G'night, Rae-Rae. I love you, sweet dreams."  
I smiled closing my eyes,  
"Night, Finnypoo. I love you, too, sweet dreams."  
The two of us both sighed in contentment, and then we both drifted off into a deep slumber.


	17. Chapter 17

I woke up first. My head was banging, and I was almost adamant it was because of the on going, shit music that was blaring through the speakers all throughout the night. I woke up about three or four times, because of the fucking banging, the arguing, the moaning (literally), and the screaming. Whoever's party this was, they were the shittest host ever. That was my conclusion. Wriggling carefully out of Finn's grip, I heard a soft groan leave his lips, as he stirred awake. I sighed, instantly feeling guilty for waking him up, and then I sat up, and turned to him,  
"Sorry, Finnypoo." I said softly,  
He smiled tiredly at me, and he shook his head, rubbing his eyes,  
"S'alright, Rae-Rae." He stretched big and yawned. "Were you up as well every few fuckin' hours?" I nodded, rubbing my eyes and then resting my head in my hands. I heard Finn tut. "Fuckin' wankers."  
I looked and smiled at him, shaking my head,  
"You go tell whoever's party this is. Go on, I dare ya."  
Finn smirked at me,  
"Don't tempt me, baby."  
I giggled, lying back down beside him, and Finn re-wrapped his arms around my body, pulling me in close,  
"Apart from all the fuckin' twats, did ya 'ave a good sleep?"  
I shrugged slightly, looking at him,  
"S'pose so. Did you?"  
Finn nodded,  
"S'pose."  
I smiled, hugging his waist, and I sighed with contentment, as I watched Finn look around the room; knowing he was still trying to wake himself up. He turned to me and grinned, and then he kissed my forehead softly,  
"Ah wonder where everyone ended up kipping." Finn chuckled.  
"I personally think we got the best end of the deal." I grinned, suddenly feeling cheeky.  
Finn nodded, laughing as he ran his hand through my bed-headed, tangled hair,  
"Yeah, we definitely did."  
He leaned down, kissing my lips deeply once, making me instantly close my eyes, as I kissed him back. His lips lingered against mine, and I couldn't help but smile against Finn's lips. I felt him smile back, and then he kissed my lips deeply once again. I wrapped my arms around his neck,  
"You're pushin' your luck." I murmured against his lips.  
"Small make-out session before we get up, ain't no harm." Finn murmured against my lips, wrapping his arms around my body, and he pulled me onto him. I straddled over Finn, my hands now at either side of his head, as we began to kiss each other passionately. Finn ran his hands down my sides, making my gasp lightly, Finn taking the opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth, massaging our tongues together. I felt myself melting in his arms, as he slowly bucked his hips up against mine. Groaning into the kiss, Finn smirked in response, and he ran his hands down my sides again.  
"You're so sexy." Finn moaned into the kiss, running a hand through my hair, and he gripped it tightly. I gasped, moaning into his mouth, as we continued to slowly massage our tongues against each other. I could hear our breathing turning into fast pants, as Finn continued to grind his hips against mine. Biting his bottom lip softly, before pulling out of the kiss, I rested my forehead gently against Finn's,  
"This is turning into more than just a morning make-out." I whispered, panting.  
"That was the idea." He whispered quickly, before cupping my face, and he leaned up kissing me roughly. Finn rolled me over, so he was on top, and he straddled over me. I gripped his shoulders gently, kissing Finn back roughly, and I gasped, feeling him grind his hips against mine once again. I pulled out of the kiss, and Finn began to roughly kiss my neck, sucking softly on my skin, and I stifled back a moan,  
"Finn? What if someone hears us?" I gasped, panting as I closed my eyes, enjoying Finn sucking against my neck.  
"Fuck 'em." He murmured against my lips, running his hands down my sides, and then under my shirt, his hands running up my stomach. I placed my hand on the back of his head, pulling Finn down closer to me, feeling his erection growing, pressing against my thigh. I gasped, letting out a moan, as I arched my back into his body, and I tipped my head back, gripping the hair on the back of his head,  
"Finn? Finn? Finn?" I moaned out in fast pants. "Finn, I need-" I closed my eyes, feeling Finn pull my leggings down. As he pulled out a condom from his back pocket, I unbuttoned his jeans and I pulled them down, along with his boxers.

* * *

After we'd finished, we quickly dressed and tidied up the bedroom; making the beds, opening the curtains, and Finn placed the used condom into the bin. Wrapping his arm around my waist, the two of us walked out of the guest bedroom, and straight downstairs. Chop, Izzy and Archie were all sitting on the sofa. Chop had his sunglasses on, as he rested his head in his hands, while Archie and Izzy chatted quietly to one another. Sighing deeply, Finn and I sat down on another sofa, and I smiled tiredly to them all,  
"Hi, guys."  
"'Iya, Raemundo. Y'alright, love?"  
I groaned slightly, nodding, as I massaged my temples gently,  
"Jus' a little bit hungover, that's all."  
Izzy nodded, sighing deeply,  
"Me too."  
"Ya fell asleep around fuckin' ten. 'Ow can ya be so fuckin' hungover?" Chop asked her, looking up at her.  
I rolled my eyes and I smiled, looking up at Finn, whom was shaking his head at Chop,  
"Shall we all 'ave a cuppa?" Finn suggested.  
We all nodded in agreement, and he and Archie got up to make them. Izzy sighed slightly, and she looked at me, smiling instantly,  
"So, Rae? Did ya have a good time then? I mean, apart from the music of course." Both she and Chop let out a laugh.  
I rolled my eyes playfully and I nodded,  
"Yeah, it wa' alright."  
"You and Finn alright, then?" Chop asked; his voice filled with concern.  
I smiled small and I nodded again,  
"Yeah. Was just a small mix-up from me." I told him.  
Chop shrugged, smiling reassuringly at me,  
"It 'appens."  
I let out a laugh, and I leaned back against the sofa, sighing deeply, as I ran my hands over my face. I moved my hair over my shoulder, tucking it behind my ear, and I heard Izzy gasp,  
"Rae, you foxy lady! Is that a love bite?"  
My eyes widened, as I felt my face turn red, my heart hammering as I slowly looked down at my shoulder. _I'm gonna fucking kill Finn._ I thought to myself. I opened my mouth to say something, as I watched Chop and Izzy lean closer towards me, staring at my neck,  
"Ey, ey, Raemundo! Looks like you an' Finny Boy had more fun than you're letting on, baby girl!" He grinned big.  
I glared at Chop, and then I looked over him, seeing that Finn was leaning against the doorframe, smirking at me. I glared more at him, but it only made him chuckle, as he winked at me turning and walking back into the kitchen. I took a deep breath, and I stood up,  
"I hate you all." I murmured, walking into the kitchen, hearing Izzy and Chop laugh. I walked over to where Finn was standing, and I leaned over him. "I'm goin' to kill you." I whispered, grabbing one of the mugs.  
Finn laughed, and he turned his head to me, kissing my cheek softly,  
"Awe, you say the sweetest things, Rachel."  
I glared at him, and then I stood up properly, walking back out of the kitchen. Finn and Archie followed me out, and we all sat back down, taking a drink of our teas,  
"Fucking hell, man. I am fucked from last night." Archie commented.  
We all nodded in agreement.  
"Did anyone speak to Chloe last night?" Izzy asked quietly.  
My eyes darted straight to her, and then I quickly looked down.  
"For fuck's sake, Iz. Forget about 'er, alright?" Chop complained.  
I shook my head,  
"No. No it ain't right that just because she wa' a bitch t'me, that Izzy 'as to stop talkin' to 'er."  
"Er, yeah it does, Rae." Finn replied, and I looked at him, seeing that he was furrowing his eyebrows at me. I licked my lips, and Finn looked at Izzy. "Iz, until Rae and Chloe sort their shit out, ya don't breathe a word to 'er. Alright?" Izzy looked at me and then at Finn, and she nodded. "Good."  
I sighed, looking down at my tea, the guilt eating up at me. I felt bad. And so I should. Everyone was icing Chloe out because of me. And why should they? They were friends with her first. I suppose being Finn's girlfriend gives me the advantage of him being on my side. I felt Finn's arm wrap around my waist, and I quickly snapped out of my trance, looking up at him.  
"Y'alright?" He mouthed to me.  
I gave him a smile and I nodded, licking my lips, taking another drink of my tea.  
"So… Chop? Whose party is this?" Izzy asked, crossing her legs on the sofa.  
We all looked over at Chop, and he looked around at us all. He opened his mouth to speak, when we heard footsteps coming from the stairs. We all looked over, and my mouth dropped open. _Fuck._ I thought to myself. Kendo walked over, stuffing his hands into his tracksuit bottoms, and he nodded,  
"Alright?" He murmured.  
We all looked back at Chop, and from the corner of my eye, I saw Finn glaring at him,  
"Well, we really should be off, mate." Chop replied, standing up, the rest of us standing instantly. "Cheers for the invite, mate."  
"S'alright, Chop, man. Anytime." He looked at Izzy, and he smirked. "Nice catch."  
I rolled my eyes, and Finn took my mug from my hands, setting both his and mine on the coffee table in front of us,  
"C'mon." He mumbled.  
"Eyup a minute." Kendo said, placing his hand on my shoulder, which Finn instantly pushed off. "You're from the rave, ain't ya?" I looked at him, my heart racing as I did. "Thought ya said you was single?" He smirked.  
Finn sighed deeply, standing in between the two of us,  
"Well, she ain't now, is she? So d'ya mind? We got places to be."  
Finn held my hand, and we walked through the living room and straight out the front door; and I could hear Izzy rushing behind us. When we got outside, Finn sighed shaking his head, and I smiled at Izzy.  
"Can't believe that wanker." He murmured.  
"Finn, relax. It's fine."  
Finn looked at me and nodded,  
"Better be." He murmured again. "It wa' bad enough 'earing that 'e had his hands on ya at the rave from Chop. Never mind 'earing 'im saying in front of me face."  
When Archie and Chop walked outside, Finn glanced at Chop,  
"Right, Rae, c'mon. Ah'm takin' ya 'ome."  
Nodding, I hugged Izzy and Chop, and I kissed Archie on the cheek,  
"See ya later, guys." Waving at the trio, I then held Finn's hand, and we walked down the driveway, and we walked over to Finn's dad's car. He unlocked the doors and we both climbed into the car, and buckled up. Finn sighed deeply, closing his eyes,  
"He's such a fuckin' knobhead is that fuckin' twat Kendo."  
I placed my hand on top of his, making Finn look at me, and I smiled,  
"We've 'ad a good mornin'. Let's not 'ave him spoilin' it, yeah?"  
Finn smiled and he nodded, leaning over, pecking my lips softly,  
"Yeah, ya right."  
I rolled my eyes playfully,  
"Obviously." I teased.  
Chuckling softly, Finn started the engine, and he drove down the street, turning left when we got to the junction. Finn turned on the radio, and we both began to bob along to the random tune that was playing. I turned my head towards him, and I smiled,  
"So you knew that you gave me a love-bite?" I asked him.  
An instant smirk grew on Finn's face, and he chuckled to himself,  
"Course ah did. Ah'm fuckin' proud of that love-bite, by the way."  
I laughed, rolling my eyes,  
"And why's that?"  
"Cause it's a fuckin' beauty." He gave me a quick glance, showing me his wide smirk, before looking back at the road. "That's why ah'm glad Izzy saw it."  
I rolled my eyes again, and I scoffed,  
"You're still dead." Tipping his head back, Finn laughed softly, and he shook his head, as he continued to drive.

* * *

Pulling up outside my house, I unbuckled my seatbelt, and then I leaned over, kissing Finn's lips softly once,  
"I love you. Thanks for the ride."  
"I love ya, too. An' ya more than welcome. Thanks for this morning." He smirked, winking at me.  
Blushing deeply, I hit his arm playfully, making Finn laugh, and I climbed out of the car. Closing the door behind me, I waved at him, and Finn waved back at me, before he drove away. Smiling to myself, I quickly covered my neck with my hair, and I walked up the driveway, opening the front door and walking inside. Walking straight upstairs, I sighed deeply, as I walked into my bedroom. Rushing straight over to where I hid my diary, I pulled it out, and I opened a new page.

_Dear Diary,  
The party last night was fucking awesome. Like, okay  
at first, it was shit. Technically, that's Chloe's fault. But  
isn't everything her fault, when it comes to the bullshit  
in my life lately? Yeah, she was there, talking to some  
girl. As I looked over and spotted her, I noticed that this  
girl was looking at __my__ Finn. Then when I looked at  
Finn, I noticed that his attention had moved over to  
Chloe and this girl. Obviously thinking the worst in  
him, I walked off and upstairs, and into some random  
cupboard. Finn followed me in, and I basically had another  
outburst at him. Jesus, why is he with me? Anyways, Finn  
explained that he was lookin at Chloe. Because thanks to me  
staring at her, he didn't even realise she was here. He left  
the cupboard, and when I went to find him, he was in a  
bedroom – crying. I know. De ja vu, much? Well, we talked  
it out, and we're alright now. I've really gotta stop doing  
this now, though. I've gotta stop assuming shit all the time  
and making Finn look like he's a cheater, when he's  
not. He's amazing. He's funny, sweet, charming, funny,  
sexy, handsome, witty—I need to stop, before I get  
too distracted with listing pros about Finn. _

_This morning, poor Iz got a bollocking from Chop  
and Finn for mentioning Chloe. I mean, just because her  
and me have had a fall out, doesn't mean that it should  
effect the rest of the gang… does it? Apparently, according  
to Finn - it does. Well, who knew, eh? I feel dead bad though,  
cause I think Izzy misses her. And as she should. Those two  
were really close. I feel like a home-wrecker for everyone  
telling Izzy that she can't be friends with her. I think I need  
to go and see Chloe… And I am fucking dreading it._

The doorbell rang, and seconds later, I heard the door open, and seconds later, and I heard my mum,  
"Rae! It's for you! They're comin' up!"  
"Alright!" I called back.  
I heard footsteps, and I suddenly began to wonder who it could be. My bedroom door opened, and as I shut my diary, I looked up, and I swallowed slowly. _Chloe._ I stood up, and she walked in, closing the door behind her,  
"We need to talk." She announced.  
I licked my lips and I nodded slowly, watching her as she walked over to my bed and she sat down. I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for her to say something. She flipped her hair over her shoulder, and she sighed,  
"Rae. I'm dead sorry for everything."  
I rolled my eyes and scoffed,  
"Right, an' ya think that's jus' gonna make it all better? Make me run into ya arms and forgive ya?" I shook my head, rolling my eyes and I scoffed again. "Piss off, Chloe."  
Chloe rolled her eyes and she sighed,  
"Rae, look. I was annoyed, alright? You had just come round, shouting your mouth off at me, and we ended on bad terms. What did ya think was gonna happen? We were gonna be besties again? Lay off it, Rae. You were just as pissed off at me, as I was at you."  
"That ain't the point, Chloe. The point is; I didn't go round shoutin' my mouth off about ya, and calling ya names. I din't make ya feel like shit, like you did to me. Ya deserved to be left at that fuckin' café. You're the only reason we stopped there anyway. Did ya get a lift back, eh? Did ya flirt with some nice stranger for a lift?"  
Hurt flashed in Chloe's eyes, as she nodded, her face looking offended,  
"Yeah, Rae. Y'know what? That's exactly what I did. I flirted with some random guy, like I always do, and I hitched a ride." She scoffed. "No, y'know what I did? I walked. That's right. Fuckin' walked. While you were all off at some fuckin' beach, I was fuckin' walking and hoping that I wasn't going to get raped!" She stood up, pulling her bag strap back onto her shoulder. "I came here to sort this out. To sort our friendship out. But clearly that's not what you want. The decision's yours now, Rae. Do whatever you wanna do." She shrugged slightly, and she walked over to my bedroom door. Watching as she went, Chloe looked over her shoulder and gave me a final look, before she walked out, closing the door behind her. As she left, I sat down on my bed, and I sighed deeply. I felt like shit. I felt guilty, and I couldn't figure out why. Picking up my diary, I opened the page that I had just written on, and I sighed deeply.

_And another update. Oddly, as soon as I had_  
_finished writing in you, Chloe showed up. And_  
_I bet you can predict how that went? Yep, not well._  
_She basically guilt-tripped me. Making me think_  
_that while we were all off at Scarborough, she walked_  
_home. But bollocks to that. I actually don't believe_  
_her. I bet she did hitch a ride with some fit bloke. Bet_  
_they made a 'special' little deal as well. Ew, I'm cringing_  
_while writing that. That is so Chloe. Typical Chloe. And_  
_no, I'm not just being mean. I speak from experience. I_  
_mean, it's how I caught her with Stephen, ain't it? Fuck,_  
_now even I'm calling that low-life bastard by his real name.  
We kinda ended the conversation with Chloe throwing the_  
_whole, "I could've been raped" thing, and then she stood_  
_up, told me that it was all up to me. My decision. Whatever_  
_I__ wanted to do. And that made me nervous. What __did__ I want_  
_to do? Did I want to be friends with her again? Did I just_  
_want to end our friendship here and now? I really don't know_  
_what to do, diary, and it's stressing me out. Nothing makes sense_  
_to me right now._

_ Chloe was a bitch. A real bitch. The things she said hurt me,_  
_and maybe I shouldn't forgive her so easily. But also, she's my_  
_bestest and oldest friend. Maybe I should give her another chance.  
But this time, it'll be her last chance. I mean, that's fair, right?  
__Just one more chance? The final straw. I dunno, we'll see  
what I'm thinking and feeling later on._


	18. Chapter 18

I had walked to the hospital. I wanted to clear my head, and try to think about everything that had just happened. As I walked in and straight down the corridor, I met Tix in the canteen. I couldn't find her at first, and I was starting to panic. And then Dr. Nick saw me and told me where she was. Relief had rushed over me. I sat down opposite her, and I smiled,  
"Surprise." I spoke softly.  
Looking up from her diary, Tix grinned big,  
"Rae!" She beamed.  
I smiled bigger at her,  
"I really need to talk to ya. I need to apologise an' everything."  
Tix furrowed her eyebrows at me,  
"Apologise? What for, Rae?"  
"Monday." I stated. Tix's eyes softened, and she nodded ever so slightly. "My um… my thoughts. They got the better of me on Monday, Tix, and I thought ah was seein' something that wasn't there."  
"What did you see, Rae?" She asked me softly. _Here we are._ I thought to myself. _The one person who I can tell _anything_ to, and she won't judge me._  
"I-I saw Finn." I admitted, my voice becoming quieter. "I-I saw Finn kissing some brunette…" I trailed off, my gaze on the table. Tix slowly reached out, and she placed her hand on top of mine, making me look up and meet her gaze.  
"Go on, Rae. I'm not going to judge you, you know that."  
I smiled small at her,  
"I thought 'e wa' cheatin' on me. And I thought you could see it too, so…" I trailed off again, shrugging slightly. "I let me self believe it for days. I even dressed up like—well, like Chloe, for our date, an' he went ballistic." I let out a laugh. "Ah sorta… blurted out that I knew, at the café. Obviously 'e wa' denying it." I nodded. "Then we went to Scarborough on Thursday." I looked at Tix. "The day after." I explained. "An' he made it so it wa' just 'im and me in the car. We talked, and then… it all came back. It wasn't Finn. It wa' someone else. Someone I don't even care about. Ah was so ashamed an' embarrassed." I admitted, lowering my head.  
Tix touched my hand again, and this time, I didn't look up,  
"But he understood?" She asked me.  
I nodded, and sniffed slightly, letting out a laugh,  
"Dunno why, though." I admitted, looking up at her. "Why does 'e keep forgivin' me, Tix? Ah don't deserve it."  
Tix hit my hand gently,  
"Don't be so silly, Rae. Of course you deserve it! You're you!"  
"Yeah, but that's _your_ opinion, Tix." Tix nodded slowly, realising that she was in a different position to the rest of her friends. "So anyway." I quickly said, changing the subject. "How's it goin' with you an' Danny?" I asked, with a smirk on my face.  
Tix pulled her hand away, and she began to tug on her sleeves, her face turning a light shade of pink, as she looked at me through her lashes,  
"Whatcha mean, Rae?"  
I smirked bigger,  
"Y'know exactly what ah mean, Tixy."  
Tix sighed, resting her arms on the table,  
"I dunno…" She trailed off.  
"Whatcha mean ya dunno?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at her.  
"He's… nice." Tix reasoned.  
I let out a small laugh,  
"C'mon, Tix. You're in complete safeness here. I'm not gonna tell anyone." I nodded encouragingly at Tix. "Promise."  
Tix smiled small at me, and she nodded,  
"Okay. Well, we've been getting closer." Tix admitted.  
I smiled,  
"That's good."  
"And he's always caring about me. If I tense up for a second, he's there making sure no one's causing me any harm." I smiled at Tix, feeling my heart flutter slightly. I liked the thought that there was someone else doing what I used to do, when I wasn't here. She had Danny, and I was so happy for her. "He's obsessed with ducks." We both let out a laugh. "And…" She shrugged. "That's it. What do you think, Rae?"  
I was surprised that she asked for my personal opinion, and I shrugged slightly,  
"It's up to you, Tix. All there's left to do now, is to follow your heart. If he likes you and you like him, then what's stoppin' ya?"  
Tix smiled at me,  
"Thanks, Rae."  
"You're welcome, Tixy."  
She looked up at the clock behind me, and she sighed,  
"I've gotta go, Rae." She frowned. "Kester time."  
I smiled and nodded,  
"Alright. I'll be back soon, yeah?"  
Tix nodded, smiling at me as she stood up. She gave me a quick wave, before she picked up her diary, and she walked out of the canteen.

* * *

I walked home, when Tix left me. But I decided to take the long way. Walking over the bridge, I stopped, hearing a bunch of lads shouting. As I glanced over, I saw Finn, Archie and Chop. I smiled instantly, and I moved further up the bridge, watching the three of them playing with their friends. Once again, Finn was shirtless. _I'm sure he _knows_ I'm gonna show up, and he does this on purpose._ I thought to myself. I licked my lips, tilting my head to the side, as I watched Finn run around the pitch, tackling Chop, whom had the ball. I smiled to myself, seeing the wide smile on his face. He looked so happy and carefree. Unzipping my bag, I got out my Polaroid camera, and I quickly snapped a few pictures of Finn. I had a few shots of his back, and there was one where it looked like he had spotted me, but after I quickly took the picture, I lowered my camera, and I stared at him wide-eyed. But he hadn't. He was talking to Barney. Sighing with relief, I quickly put my camera away, and then I rushed back down the bridge, and walked the fast way home.

As I walked down the main street, I couldn't help but stop outside the record store, where Finn and I had our date. I stared at the door, smiling to myself, remembering the conversation we had on the mattress that Finn had brought over. Remembering the way we talked about our future. Remembering that Finn was adamant that he wanted to me a radio DJ. The way he described how he'd turn this shop into a better record shop/radio studio. My heart skipped a beat, remembering how we had pretty much planned our future together. Saying that we'd both be radio presenters together, and how excited the two of us were. Thinking back, I could still hear the excitement in Finn's voice as he talked about what he would do. I wish, like I did that night, that we were older. Only two years, like I had said that night. I hated that school was in the way. The fact that Finn and I were planning our future together, made my heart skip a beat. He really did think we were going to last. And so did I. Everything seemed so much simpler two weeks ago. I wasn't a paranoid, crazy girlfriend. Finn and I didn't have to miss each other, because he was living with me. Everything seemed…. better in a way. _It's going to be better from now on._ I said to myself, and I smiled to myself. And for the first time ever, I believed myself. Walking over to the door, running my hand along the small window, I took a deep breath,  
"One day." I murmured, before I continued to walk down the main street.

* * *

When I walked inside, I heard my mum's voice,  
"Rae? Rae, is that you?" She called from the living room.  
I furrowed my eyebrows together, as I closed the door behind me. _Who else was it going to be?_ I asked myself. Walking straight into the living room, I raised my eyebrows at her,  
"Yeah?"  
Mum looked up from her hands, and she smiled,  
"Look what I found in a box under my bed." She held up a pile of photographs that she was holding in her hands. I raised my eyebrows at her again, and I sat down beside her,  
"Are they of me?"  
My mum nodded, smiling as she gazed back down at the photos,  
"Yes. And Chloe."  
My gazed drifted down to the photographs in her hands. I could see a picture of the two of us wearing a princess outfit. A memory instantly flashing into my head:

_"Come on, Rae. It'll be fun!" Chloe beamed, a wide grin spread on her face.  
I sighed,  
"I'm not really a princess kinda girl, Chloe." I whined, frowning as Chloe held the princess dress up to my body. "Chlo-"__  
"__It suits you, Rae! It so suits you! Put it on. Come on!" Chloe pouted at me and I sighed,  
"Alright, fine. Give us it 'ere."  
Squealing with excitement, Chloe jumped up and down, clapping her hands as she did. I rolled my eyes playfully, and then I looked down at the princess dress, scrunching my face up with disgust._

_Mrs. Earl, Mrs. Earl, Mrs. Earl look!" Chloe squealed, as she held my hand, rushing the two of us down the stairs.  
"Chloe, love. Please be careful! If you fall and break a bone, your parents will never let you round here again."  
I rolled my eyes at how over-protective my mum was being. We walked over to my mum.  
"Do we look like princesses, Mrs. Earl?" Chloe grinned big.  
My mum gasped, looking at the two of us,  
"You definitely do. You both look beautiful! Lemme go and get my camera!"  
I smiled to myself, at how excited my mum was about this. I couldn't tell if she was putting on an act because Chloe was here, or if she was genuinely pleased that I had finally put on the dress that she had bought me months ago.  
My mum came back a minute later,  
"Smile girls!" My mum grinned.  
Linking her arm through mine, and holding her wand up with her other hand, we both grinned into the camera, as my mum snapped the picture._

Snapping out of the memory, I couldn't help but smile to myself. That day was a good day. All days with Chloe when I was younger, were good days. Now it just seemed like one big, huge, headache. Always something went wrong whenever I was with her. That wasn't a friendship. That wasn't even anywhere near a friendship. I tried ignoring the nagging thoughts that were entering my mind, and instead, I looked through the pictures of Chloe and me with my mum.  
"Oh, Rachel." My mum laughed, shaking her head, showing me the picture. "D'ya remember that time I came home to see that you and Chloe had tried to bake a cake?"  
I nodded, laughing,  
"Do ah remember? Ya never let me forget it." We both laughed this time.

_"So, girls? How's the cake com-" My mum stopped talking as she walked into the kitchen. "Oh my…" She stopped talking, her arms roaming around the kitchen. It was covered in flour. "What happened in here?!" She demanded._  
_"I—Well—we…" Both Chloe and I both stuttered.  
"Well?!" My mum demanded.  
"We were making a cake…" I trailed off, looking down at the floor.  
"Yes, I'm aware of that part, Rachel!" My mum snapped at me. "When I left, you were both quietly getting on with it! What happened?! Huh? Did you decide to throw the flour on each other?!"  
I bit my lip, as Chloe started to talk,  
"Mrs. Earl, we're so sorry. We were just trying to make you a cake, and as we opened the flour, it just…" She looked around the kitchen. "Went everywhere."_

I laughed, shaking my head, and I remembered how my mum finally calmed down and forgave us for ruining the kitchen. We also spent the next four hours cleaning everything down, and then we made the cake, with an, "I'm sorry" message on the top of the cake. I smiled at my mum, and then I handed her the photos back, before standing up and walking out of the living room, and upstairs. I walked into my bedroom, closing the door behind me, and I sighed deeply. _What was I going to do?_ I asked myself. I felt lost, confused, hurt and so many other things. All I needed was answers, and it didn't seem like I was going to get that any time soon. Taking a deep breath, I walked over to my bedside draws, and I crouched down, opening the bottom draw, and I got out the small pile of pictures that I had kept in there for years. Sitting down on the flood, and resting my back against my bed, I began to flick through the pictures. There were mainly pictures of Chloe and I, and some were of my mum and I. I thought back to the past two weeks closely, thinking about everything.  
_"But don't go crying to me when he breaks up with ya for someone else, and he leaves you crying on the fucking curb!"_ I shuddered remembering how angry the both of us were. But I was angrier with her. That was a well-known fact. No one could've been as angry as I was in that moment. She had interfered, where her presence wasn't needed. She had called Finn and told him what an over-protecting person he was. He cared, yes. And there was nothing wrong with that. _Just cause Stephen didn't care about her._ My mind scoffed, and I instantly frowned. I felt cruel. That wasn't Chloe's fault. In a way, it was. She had chosen to be in a relationship with her P.E. teacher. But it wasn't her fault that he was probably just taking advantage of her. Shaking my head, I tucked my hair behind my ear, and I thought about the next thing that she'd said to me. _"Well I hate to say it, but-"_ but obviously, I didn't let her finish. Why would I? I _knew_ what she was going to say. _"I told you so."_ With the same usual big, smug expression that she usually had on her face, when talking to me about things. The expression that just made want to slap her across the face as hard as I could. I sighed, shaking my head. This was supposed to be helping decide what to do with Chloe. Not make me ten times angrier with her. Shaking my head again, I looked down at the pictures, and I smiled. They were pictures that made me smile, every time I looked at them. We were about eight or nine in all of these pictures. We were at the beach in the first one. We had just been in the sea, and now we were sitting down on the sand, making a sandcastle. We had towels wrapped around us both, and we were both circling a specific part of the sand. We wanted it to look perfect. Well, as perfect as two eight year-olds could make a sandcastle look.

_"Rae, c'mon! Let's make an awesome sandcastle, yeah?" Chloe beamed, as they walked out of the sea, shivering slightly._  
_I gasped, and I nodded fast,  
"Yeah, let's do it!" Grabbing Chloe's hand, the two of us ran up the beach and over to where our mum's were standing. "Mum? Mum? Mum?" I squealed.  
My mum looked down at the two of us and she smiled,  
"Yes, girls?"  
"We're gonna build a sandcastle! Like, the best sandcastle ever!"  
My mum smiled bigger,  
"Well, you best get to it before we have to go then!"  
"Oh my gosh, Rae, c'mon!" Chloe tugged my hand and we chose a little spot for the two of us. We both sat down and we picked up our buckets and spades. "Okay, so how do we do this?"  
I shrugged slightly,  
"Well, you like to decorate things, yeah? So why don't I make the sandcastle bit, and you decorate it with pretty things?" I suggested.  
Chloe gasped and grinned big, standing up,  
"Okay, on it!" She ran back down towards the sea, and I began to fill my bucket up with sand.  
"Rachel? Where's Chloe?" Chloe's mum asked.  
Looking up at her, I smiled, and then I pointed towards the sea, where Chloe was collecting a bucket full of seashells.  
"Chloe's gonna decorate our sandcastle." I told her mum, with a wide grin on my face.  
Her mum smiled back at me,  
"Alright, sweetie. Just make sure you don't lose contact of her, yeah? We don't want either of you getting lost."  
I nodded,  
"Okay, Mrs. Harris."  
Chloe came rushing back a minute later, and then she sat down, shivering even more than I was,  
"Okay, I got 'em! Thanks for not doing the sandcastle without me." Chloe smiled at me.  
"Would I ever?" I asked, smiling back at her. Turning the bucket upside down against the sand, I grinned at Chloe.  
"3…2…1!" We both counted down, and then I lifted the bucket, and we both gasped. "We did it!" We squealed.  
Giggling, we both hugged each other, and then Chloe got to work with decorating the sandcastle with seashells. After we finished, we called our mum's over.  
"Wow, girls! This looks lovely!"  
"Can ya take a picture of it, mum?" I asked, grinning big.  
Nodding, my mum handed me a towel,  
"Okay, but you two wrap yourselves up first. You're shivering."  
Chloe took her towel from her mum, and the two of us then wrapped the towel around us. We grinned at the camera that my mum was holding, and then we started to talk amongst ourselves._

Snapping out of that memory, I sighed slightly, my chest tightening, as I thought about that day. That was probably one of the best days that Chloe and I had as kids. Now, we were arguing constantly, and then Chloe had to cheek to tell me that it was _my_ decision what happened between the two of us. Lying back on my bed, I ran a hand through my hair, trying to decide what it was exactly, that I was going to do.


	19. Chapter 19

_Dear Diary,  
Today is Wednesday. Which means that it's been five  
days since I last wrote in you. To be quite honest,  
nothing big has really happened. The gang met up  
three times at the pub, and then once at the chippy.  
Suppose in a way, that's more times than we usually  
do over the weekend. But Finn and I were trying to  
get back on try, and we kept making excuses to why we  
wanted the gang to meet up. Course they already  
caught on and knew what we were up to. But we didn't care.  
Which obviously means, our little plan worked! :)_

_Suppose I should tell you what__'__s been going on...  
It__'__s been dead awkward being around the gang  
without Chloe, but Chop and Finn are being  
dead stubborn, saying that they shan't be talking to  
her; until I've made up my mind. So it__'__s either everything  
goes back to how it was, or none of the gang speak  
to her again. And it__'__s all down to me. No pressure  
there then(!) (By the way, the exclamation mark in  
brackets, was supposed to show my sarcasm). Anyways,  
on Saturday, when we all met up, Finn and I decided to  
have a little __'__us__' __time, so we hung out at the jukebox for  
a few minutes. (Okay, it was nearly ten minutes before  
Chop marched over and quote, __"__marched our  
arses over to our table, or he will force them there  
himself__"__. Isn__'__t he sweet?) Anyway, this is how  
the conversation went:_

_FINN: So, how have ya been?  
ME: Finn? We saw each other yesterday. (Laughs)  
FINN: Ah know that, but ah still wanna know __'__ow  
ya__'__ve been.  
ME: (blushes slightly) Ah__'__ve been good. Went t__'__see  
Tixy yesterday at the hospital.  
FINN: (his eyebrows rose) Oh yeah? How is Tix?  
We need t__'__make sure we go an__' __see __'__er soon,  
together, yeah?  
ME: Oh yeah, definitely. An__' __she__'__s good. We din__'__t  
talk much, cause she had a session wi__' __Kester.  
Ah apologised for the whole Monday thing, an__'__  
she didn__'__t really seem ta mind.  
FINN: (smiles) That__'__s good then, Rae-Rae.  
ME: (smiles back) Yeah it is. Oh, an__' __before that,  
Chloe came round. Basically sayin__' __that it wa__'__  
up t__'__me what __'__appens between us.  
FINN: (said sarcastically) Oh, well that__'__s  
sweet of __'__er.  
(We both laughed)  
FINN: Ya wanna choose a song, baby?  
ME: Hmmm... S__'__pose so.  
(I turned to the jukebox and played, __"__Oasis __– __Wonderwall__"__.  
FINN: Mmmm, thought ya wa__' __sick of__  
'__earing Oasis all the time?  
ME: (rolls my eyes) Who would ever get sick of  
hearin__' __one of the best bands in the world?  
FINN: _The_ best band in the world. (Leans close  
to me and kisses my lips softly once)  
CHOP: (storms over) you two best march your  
arses over to our table, or I will force them there  
myself._

_And that was pretty much our sweet time. Yeah, thanks for  
that, Chopper.  
All the other times were pretty much just Finn and I being  
our same old selves. Me occasionally resting my head  
against his shoulder, while Finn either had his hand on  
my thigh, or writing a message on it, instead. At the  
chippy, the five of us was pretty much starving, so we  
all tucked into our food. Nothing special._

_Well, diary, today is the date of mine and Finn__'__s date,  
and I am so excited! __Nothing__ was going to ruin today.  
Nothing. At. All. I__'__ll let you know how it went either  
tonight or tomorrow._

_Rae._

"Rachel! Finn's on the phone!" My mum called up.  
Closing my diary, I stood up, and rushed out of my bedroom and downstairs. Taking the phone from my mum, she rolled her eyes, tutting, mumbling about how silly it was that I was so excited to talk to Finn, when I had just seen him yesterday.  
"Hello?" I answered.  
"Hey, Rae-Rae."  
I grinned hearing his voice,  
"Hi, Finnypoo." I heard his fake annoyed groan down the line, making me giggle in response. "So anyway." I could hear the smile in his voice, making me smile too. "Ah'm gonna be pickin' ya up about 11:30, alright?"  
My eyes widened, and I quickly looked over at the clock near the kitchen: 10:45 a.m.,  
"What?! You're only tellin' me now? I only 'ave 45 minutes to get ready?!" I screeched. I could hear Finn laughing down the phone, and I couldn't help but glare at the wall in front of me. "It's not funny! Ah'll have to go an' see what ah can muster up in less than 45 minutes! Bye, Finn. See ya soon."  
"Bye, Rae-Rae. See ya soon."  
I hung up the phone quickly, and then I groaned, rushing upstairs and into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Sighing deeply, I opened my wardrobe doors, and then I looked over my clothes,  
"Always wear denim skirts, wore that t'the rave, not wearin' jeans..." I trailed off, as my eyes landed on the dress that I had worn last week for our disastrous date. Finn _had_ said that he liked my dress. So maybe wearing it today would remove the bad luck smell that was currently stenching the poor piece of clothing. Without a second thought, I pulled the dress off its hanger, and I walked over to my draws, pulling them open, and I got out some fancy, lacy, blue underwear. (And yes, they were matching). I didn't know what to expect from today. I mean, the date was starting so early. Did that mean that the date would end early, too? Putting the sad feeling to the back of my mind, I changed out of my pyjamas and into my underwear and dress. Deciding to look a little bit girlier, I decided to wear ballet shoes instead of my converses. Sliding them on, I then found a clip, and clipped my fringe to the side. Taking a deep breath, I looked at myself, properly, in the mirror. I had to admit, I looked better than last week. Although, _anything_ was better than last week. Licking my lips, I smiled at my reflection, and then I walked out of my bedroom, and to the bathroom, finishing getting myself ready.

* * *

By 11:20 a.m., I was ready. I walked downstairs, and straight into the kitchen. Opening the fridge door, I got out a bottle of water, and when I closed it, I noticed that mum was watching me,  
"What?" I asked defensively.  
"You look nice." She commented, as she continued to drink her tea at the breakfast table.  
I smiled slightly to myself, and I nodded,  
"Thanks." I mumbled.  
"Going anywhere nice?" Mum asked.  
I shrugged opening my lid and taking a sip,  
"It's a date." I explained, fastening the kid again.  
Mum smiled at me and nodded,  
"Ah, I see. Have fun."  
_She__'__s being overly nice._ I thought to myself,  
"Thanks." I replied, before walking out of the kitchen. Sitting down in the living room, I tried not to let my excitement get the better of me. Sure, I was going on a date with Finn. No big deal. _It was a big deal!_ I squealed in my head. I shook my head, laughing at how 'girly' I was acting about all this. The main reason why I was so excited, was because it was all a surprise. Finn wasn't telling me anything. No clues, no hints, nothing. Ten minutes later, there was a knock at the door. Jumping up from the sofa, I placed my water bottle on the coffee table, and then I rushed through the hallway, and I picked up my leather jacket, opening the front door. Finn looked up from his hands, and his eyes roamed over my body; looking at me from head to toe. His face broke out into a wide grin, and he nodded,  
"Rae, you look beautiful."  
I blushed deeply, and I smiled at him,  
"Thanks, Finn."  
"Shall we?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at me.  
I nodded,  
"Definitely."  
"Ah've brought me scooter for a change. Don't really use it as much as me motorbike, but ah thought we'd use it today."  
I grinned,  
"So... Do I get a hint to what we're doin' today?" I asked, my voice filled with hope, as I picked up my helmet from the side. Handing it to Finn, I shrugged on my leather jacket, and then he handed me my helmet back. Finn held his hand out for me, and taking it, I walked out of the front door and closed the door behind me.  
"Don't be silly, Rae-Rae. Course ah'm not tellin' ya. What's the fun in jus' ruinin' the surprise?" He asked me.  
Rolling my eyes playfully, I smiled at him, walking over to Finn's scooter. Letting go of Finn's hand, I slid the helmet on my head, and fastened the strap under my chin. Climbing onto his scooter, Finn then helped me climb on, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, moving slightly closer to him. Finn looked over his shoulder at me, and he smirked, before sliding his own helmet on, and he looked ahead of the two of us, turning the engine on,  
"Think ya mam's watchin'." Finn called to me, over the scooter's engine revving.  
Looking over at the kitchen window, I could see my mum watching the two of us, and I could see the scowl on her face. I smiled at her, pretending I didn't notice, and then I looked ahead,  
"Don't think she's a fan of ya scooter!" I called back.  
Finn laughed shaking his head,  
"Ya should tell 'er to get Karim one! Then she'll love it!" Finn drove out of my driveway and down the street, and I rolled my eyes playfully at his comment, laughing and then I rested my chin gently on his shoulder,  
"Is this okay?" I asked him.  
Finn slowed down at the end of my street, his feet placed on the road, and he looked at me,  
"It's perfect."  
I smiled at him, and I scrunched my nose at him. I _think_ he did it back, but I wasn't sure, because Finn was wearing his motorcycle helmet, with the tinted eye-shield. Looking left and right, Finn placed his feet back onto the side of the scooter where his feet rested, and he turned left, driving down the street. My feet were hanging off either side of the scooter, and I was getting slightly anxious about the choice of footwear that I had chosen. Clearly ballet shoes were not the best option for a scooter, or a motorbike. My thoughts were soon subsided, when I heard Finn humming to himself. I grinned, pretending that I couldn't hear him, and then he began to speak,  
"So, ya still need ta plan that meal, by the way." He pointed out.  
I nodded, rolling my eyes,  
"Yeah, yeah, I will. Ah promise."  
"Oh yeah? When?" He questioned.  
"I don't fuckin' know!" I proclaimed, and Finn laughed loudly. "Finn, where are we goin'?" I asked.  
"Jus' wait an' see, Rachel!"  
I turned my head and kissed his neck softly, before turning my head to look ahead again.

* * *

We drove for another fifteen minutes, until Finn parked up in a car park, where a fairground was taking place. Taking my hand and helping me climb off the scooter, I unfastened my helmet strap, and pulled it off over my head; as Finn climbed off his bike, sliding the keys into his pocket, and then he pulled his helmet off over his head,  
"Ya like?" Finn asked, taking hold of my hand.  
I grinned, looking at the rides that were ahead of us, as we walked towards the entrance,  
"Love it! What made ya think of here?" I asked out of curiosity.  
"Chopper was goin' on an' on about it when ah helped him wi' this old banger at the garage, after the chippy on Monday. Thought it'd a dead good date."  
I smiled and nodded, kissing his cheek softly,  
"Definitely a good date." I replied.  
Finn grinned at me, and then he paid for two tickets.  
"Didn't 'ave t'pay for me. Coulda paid for me self." I mumbled to myself, my face was showing that I was sulking like a five a year-old child.  
Finn chuckled lightly, taking the tickets from the man, and he walked us through the gates,  
"Ah know ya could. But ah'm treatin' ya, so get over it. Yeah?" I rolled my eyes playfully and Finn chuckled again. "What ride first then, baby?" He asked.  
I shrugged slightly, looking around at all the rides,  
"How about... The dodgems?" I suggested, looking at Finn.  
He grinned at me,  
"Ya up for losin'?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at me.  
"Ha!" I replied. "Fat chance."  
His eyebrows raised more, marching the two of us over to the dodgems,  
"We'll fuckin' see about that." He replied.  
The woman handed the two of us a counter each, and then we walked in, and we both looked around for a dodgem car each. Finn chose a blue and silver dodgem, with the number 14 on it. I chose a pink and white car, with the number 5 on it. The two of us looked at each other, and grinned, before our faces turned serious.  
"You're gonna lose, Nelson!" I called over to him.  
"Fuck off, Earl! Ya've go no chance! Ah'm sick on the dodgems, babe!"  
"Yeah, we'll see!"  
Another couple got into their own cars, making four of us playing in this round. The siren went off, and we all put our counters in the cars, and we set off. Finn drove around in a wide circle, and I could see that he was trying to get behind me. Squealing slightly, I drove straight forward, and then I turned left, speeding away from him. The other couple were bumping into each other and laughing, while Finn and I were on a wild goose chase. I could hear Finn laughing behind me,  
"Ah'm gonna get ya." Finn called in a sing-song, teasing voice.  
Laughing, I got an idea, and I set my car into reverse, speeding back and I bumped the front of his car,  
"Fuck!" He called out, as we both jolted forward.  
Looking over my shoulder at Finn, I grinned, and mouthed him a kiss, before winking and driving off; driving round to the opposite side of the space. Finn laughed and I could hear him getting close to me. Squealing, I jumped on my accelerator pedal, and I tried to get away from him. I turned my wheel to the left, but I turned too much, and I crashed into the side, and instantly, Finn crashed into my car's side.  
"Shit!" I screamed, looking at Finn, I noticed that he had his head tipped back, laughing hard at me. I glared at him, and reversed away from the side, and I drove into his side; his head snapping back to look at me, his eyes wide,  
"That's not fuckin' fair!"  
"It's totally fair!" I laughed, and then Finn reversed away from me, and I did too, turning my wheel to the right, until I was facing the opposite way. Driving away from Finn, I could feel my heart racing, and my adrenaline pulsing through my veins. I looked over my shoulder, and squealed, seeing how close Finn was. Quickly looking back in front of me, I turned my wheel to a full lock left, turning around in a circle. As my car carried on move in circles, I felt Finn's car bump into mine. I screamed, feeling myself move backwards, and then my car bumped into the other boy's car. Squealing again, the game ended, and I looked at Finn, whom was parked right in front of mine; our bumpers nearly touching,  
"Ya got lucky then, Rae-Rae." He said. He was grinning big at me. "Think ah won that one." He winked at me, before he unfastened his seatbelt, and then he stood up, climbing out of his car. I was still breathing heavily from the adrenaline, and it took me a few seconds to register what had happened. Looking down to my lap, I noticed that there were a pair of hands unbuckling my seatbelt. Looking up, I noticed that it was Finn, and he held his hand out to me. Smiling at him, I took his hand and stood up, climbing out of my car. Swallowing thickly, my breathing calmed, and we walked off the space and down the step. We picked up our helmets from the side of the woman.  
"Must be a date." I heard the woman tell her co-worker.  
"Definitely. I think they're cute together."  
I began to listen more closely, and Finn watched me with confusion. Holding up a finger, signalling just a minute, I continued to listen.  
"Definitely. Did you see the way they looked at each other? They're definitely for keeps."  
"And bless him. Helping her out of the car afterwards."  
I grinned to myself, kissing Finn's lips softly once. After he kissed my lips back, Finn chuckled slightly,  
"What wa' that for?" He asked.  
"Jus'... Ah love ya."  
"I love ya too, ya fuckin' dork."  
I giggled, and we walked away from the dodgems.

* * *

After stopping by the candy floss cart, we walked down the path, eating the one candy floss stick together. When we"Fine, go on then. By all means. But don't go fuckin' blaming me when ya don't fit in it."

'd finished, Finn threw the empty stick on the bin, and then we took my hand, the two of us licking our fingers clean. Standing at the back of a roller coaster queue, I looked up at the sign. I scoffed, looking at Finn,  
"A fuckin' ghost train, Finn? Really?"  
He smiled at me,  
"Awe, don't be scared, Rae-Rae. Ah'll be 'ere ta protect ya, don't worry."  
I rolled my eyes and we smiled at each other.  
When it was our turn, the girl looked at me and she laughed,  
"You're kiddin' me, right?"  
I blinked at her twice,  
"Excuse me?" I replied.  
"Well no offence or ought, but you ain't gonna fit."  
My heart sank, and my face fell. Humiliation written all over my face. Turning to leave, Finn grabbed my hand tighter,  
"Uh, excuse me? Ah think ya need to change ya attitude." He replied.  
I looked at Finn, my face filled with shock, and then I looked at the girl. Her eyebrows rose in surprise,  
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I offend ya? It's not my fault that your girlfriend is too fat to fit in the carriages." Her mouth widened with a smirk.  
My face was turning red, and I lowered my gaze to the ground.  
"Well, ah think ya need glasses, love, cause me girlfriend can fit in the carriages."  
The girl snorted a laugh,  
"Right. Sure." She replied sarcastically.  
I sighed to myself,  
"Finn, it's fine. We-"  
"No, Rae. Jus' a second." He looked back at the girl. "Now, are ya gonna let us on or not?"  
"Not."  
"And why not?" He asked, his voice filled with disgust.  
"Cause I don't want ya girlfriend to feel anymore embarrassed when she realised that she can't fit in the carriage. So if ya excuse me. Can ah carry on doing my job?"  
I looked at Finn, and I noticed that he opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by the man behind us.  
"Stop bein' tight and let 'er on, would ya? She ain't too fat for it!"  
"Oh yeah?" The girl asked, raising her eyebrows. "Ya some sort of expert, are ya?"  
"Me son worked at a fairground for a while." He replied, his voice stern and bold. "Ah know that she can fit."  
"An' so do I." Finn chimed in.  
"Fine, go on then. By all means. But don't go fuckin' blaming me when ya don't fit in it."  
Finn and I walked past the girl, and we walked up the two steps. My hands were shaking, and I knew that Finn could tell. Choosing a carriage in the middle, Finn slid in first and then he looked at me, a smile on his face,  
"C'mon, babe. In ya get." I stared at the carriage unsure. I knew that the girl in charge was watching, and I knew the people in the queue were watching, too. "Rae?" Finn spoke softly. Looking up at him, he gave me a soft smile and then he nodded encouragingly. "Ya gonna be fine. C'mon."  
Sighing deeply, I nodded once, before sliding into the carriage beside him. To my surprise, I did fit. A wide smile spread across my face, and then I looked at the girl, a smug look on her face,  
"So, fuck you!" I called over to her.  
Laughing, Finn wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in closer to him. He kissed my shoulder softly, and then he pulled the bar down. The ride started seconds later, and I grabbed Finn's hand, the nerves already kicking in.  
"Ya scared, Rae-Rae?" Finn asked me.  
I nodded,  
"A little, yeah!" I replied.  
He smiled and kissed my cheek softly,  
"Ah've got ya." He whispered in my ear, as he entwined our fingers together. I smiled at him and nodded, taking a deep breath as our carriage entered inside. Everything was dark. One of the big things that I hated. I couldn't stand being in the dark, unless I was sleeping. My tightened my grip on mine and Finn's entwined hands, and he squeezed my hand softly, and I screamed, as a skeleton popped out from the side. Finn chuckled softly, and as we passed the skeleton, I heard a speaker say,  
"Ha, ha. Made ya scream. The worst is yet to come." Making me swallow loudly. My leg was bouncing, and I felt Finn move closer to me,  
"Y'alright, baby?"  
I nodded quickly,  
"Y-Yeah. Jus' a little spooked." A felt something touch my arm and I screamed again. "Okay, a lot spooked!" I said a little loudly. Finn turned my head to face his with his free hand, and then I felt his lips touch mine gently. He softly kissed me, cupping my face with his free hand, and I smiled into the kiss. We turned our bodies to face each other, and then I jumped slightly, feeling something else touch me, but I ignored it; Finn's lips calming me, as he deepened the kiss.  
"Did you survive?" The speaker played, and Finn pulled away from the kiss, the two of us panting very slightly, and he smiled at me,  
"Feel less spooked?" He asked me.  
Our carriage rode back outside and halted to a stop, and I smiled at him, nodding,  
"Definitely." I replied.  
Finn scrunched his nose at me, and I scrunched mine back at him. The bar rose, and we stood up, climbing out of the carriage. Still holding hands, the two of us walked away from the ghost train. "What next?" Finn asked.  
Grinning, I tugged him along, as I ran down the pathway. Laughing as he ran along side me, we ran toward the Ferris wheel, and we walked straight over to the man; (as there was no-one queuing up).  
"Just the two of ya, love?" He asked, opening one of the carriages.  
I nodded smiling at him,  
"Yeah, please."  
Letting go of my hand, Finn let me climb in first, and then he climbed in after me; the man locking our carriage door. Finn wrapped his arms around my waist, and I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder gently,  
"So, how 'ave ah done?" He murmured against my shoulder.  
I grinned at him,  
"Fuckin' brilliant." I replied.  
He pecked my lips softly, and then I rested my head on his shoulder, as the Ferris wheel started to move.


	20. Chapter 20

It was around 5 p.m. when we left the fair. Finn had his arm wrapped around my waist, as we walked out of the exit, and I was hugging a big teddy bear that he had won me. As we reached his scooter, I took one look at it, before looking down at the teddy, and then we Finn,  
"Finn? What're we gonna do wi' this?" I asked him.  
He looked down at me and he bit his lip for a moment,  
"It'll be a'right. Don't worry 'bout it, Rae-Rae."  
I smiled and nodded, and I watched Finn unwrap his arms from around me, and then he slid his motorcycle helmet on, before he climbed onto his scooter. He held out his hands, and I handed him the teddy bear, and I watched him place the teddy bear on the small space where the handlebars and seat met. His knees were resting on either side of the bear's head, stopping it from falling over. I giggled watching him, and then I slid my helmet onto my head, fastening the strap under my chin. Holding out his hand, Finn helped me climb onto the seat behind him, and then I wrapped my arms around his waist. Kissing his neck softly, I rested my chin on his shoulder.  
"The date in't over yet. Jus' so you know, Rae-Rae."  
I raised my eyebrows at him and grinned big, as Finn started the engine and he reversed out of his parking space and drove out of the exit. We drove down the street, and I heard him scream a, "woohoo!" Laughing hard, I moved my chin from his shoulder and I tipped my head back,  
"Wahoooooo!" I heard Finn laugh in response, as I rested my chin back onto his shoulder,  
"Wahoo, Rae? Really?"  
I gasped laughing,  
"What's wrong wi' wahoo?" I asked.  
"It's a bit..."  
"A bit wha'?" I asked, mocking defensiveness.  
"Lame!" Finn called back, laughing.  
I huffed, and pouted and then, I got an idea,  
"Fine then. Since it's so lame. No more sex!" I replied.  
Finn stopped the scooter instantly. Luckily we were are a junction, and he looked at me,  
"Ya fuckin' wha'?" He asked, his eyebrows raised.  
I nodded, a small smirk growing on my face,  
"Ya heard. Ah'm too lame for sex, since ah use wahoo."  
Finn shook his head, and a car behind us beeped his horn, making me jump and squeal. Ignoring the car, Finn shook his head again,  
"Nah, ya ain't lame, Rae-Rae."  
"Not what ya said a second ago, Finn..." I trailed off, trying to hide my amusement.  
"Are ya going or what?" The man in the car called over to us.  
Lifting his tinted shield, Finn looked at the man,  
"Yeah, in a second, mate. Patience, yeah?" The male began muttering some insults our way, but we continued to converse, oblivious to it. "Ya can't give up sex cause ah called a word lame, Rae-Rae."  
"Oh, I can't, can't I?" I smirked bigger, lifting my eyebrows at him.  
His mouth dropped open in shock, but he quickly retrieved himself, by shutting his eye shield. Looking left and right, Finn then turned right and drove down the road. I laughed hard, and then I kissed Finn's shoulder softly,  
"Don't get all silent on me, Finn Nelson."  
"If ah say it, does it stop the sex ban?" He asked me.  
I grinned big as I stared at him, and I couldn't help but think about how much I loved this boy,  
"Yes. Yes it would."  
"You're fuckin' lucky I love ya, Rachel Earl." I giggled, shifting slightly, and I noticed that Finn glanced ever so slightly over his shoulder at me; before looking ahead. I wanted to tease him, to make him scream the word. But he was driving, so Finn shouting it, would have to do.  
"WAHOOOOOO!" He called at the top of his lungs.  
I gasped, tipping my head back, and I began to laugh hard. He was right. It _was_ lame. But when it was Finn hollering the word, it was the sexist thing I had ever heard.

* * *

We arrived at the same café from last week, and I swallowed slowly, hesitating, as Finn helped me off his scooter,  
"Y'alright, Rae-Rae?"  
I let out a small laugh,  
"Course I am." _Be cool, Rae. Don't freak out. So it__'__s the same caf__é__as last week. It doesn__'__t mean that it's going to end badly. Stop letting your mind play tricks on you! The dress has been a success so far, and the caf__é__will be too. Grow up and calm the fuck down!_ Agreeing with my mind, I unfastened my helmet strap and I slid it off my head. Finn climbed off his motorbike, and then he slid his helmet off, shaking his head, and then he ran his fingers down his fringe. Smiling at one another, Finn then took my hand, and we walked over to the café entrance, and we walked inside. Finn led me over to a booth in the far corner. I smiled to myself, knowing that this meant he wanted privacy. He let go of my hand, letting me slid into the booth first, and then he slid into the seat beside me. Placing his hand on my thigh, we both then leaned over, placing our helmets on the booth seats opposite us. Finn began to draw random shapes on my thigh, and then he opened the menu that I handed him. We both began scanning through the menu, and then Finn looked at me,  
"Fuck it. Gonna 'ave a burger."  
I looked at him and laughed, shaking my head,  
"Oh, ya make me laugh, Finn."  
Finn grinned at me, and then he looked down at my menu, leaning closer slightly,  
"What ya fancyin'?" He asked.  
I shrugged, knowing that whatever I got, I was either not eating enough, in Finn's opinion, or eating like a pig. I chewed on my bottom lip, looking over at the menu. I didn't know what I wanted. But I was definitely _not_ having a burger.  
"S'pose ah'll 'ave sausage and mash?" I shrugged slightly.  
Finn smiled and he nodded,  
"If that's what ya want, baby."  
I smiled back at him and nodded, and then, as if on cue, the waitress came over,  
"Hi, can I take your orders?"  
Finn nodded, looking up at her, still drawing shapes on my thigh, and he scratched his cheek with his free hand,  
"Yeah. Can I have a burger, please? An' can me girlfriend have sausage and mash?"  
The girl nodded, writing our order down onto her pad, and then she looked at Finn,  
"Ya want it as a meal? With chips?" Finn nodded, and the girl wrote it down, and then she looked at me. "Do you want anything else? Peas? Beans?"  
I smiled politely shaking my head,  
"No, thanks."  
The girl smiled back at me, writing it down,  
"And drinks?"  
"Coke." Finn and I said at the same time. He looked at me and grinned, and I grinned back at him. The girl walked away, and Finn kissed my shoulder softly,  
"Ah love you."  
I smiled back at him,  
"Ah love you, too."  
"Good." He murmured, and I picked up our menus, putting them back in the rack. Finn moved closer to me, and he kissed my neck softly. I closed my eyes and smiled, and then he looked up at me, through his lashes. "Ya look fuckin' gorgeous today, Rae-Rae."  
I blushed deeply and I grinned big, opening my eyes,  
"Thanks, Finn."  
He ran his fingers over my dress, and I watched him closely,  
"Love this." He murmured. I smiled at his compliment, and then he ran his hand under my dress, stroking my thigh. "Bet it'd look good on my bedroom floor." He murmured.  
I gasped, hitting his arm playfully, the two of us laughing,  
"Ya cheeky, smooth bastard!" I commented.  
Finn laughed again,  
"It 'ad to be said, babe."  
I rolled my eyes playfully,  
"Mhm." The waitress came over, carrying a tray with our drinks on. I expected Finn to pull his hand from under my dress. But he didn't. Instead, he looked up at the waitress, feeling her presence, and he smiled politely, stroking my thigh, as she set our cokes down in front of us,  
"Thanks." He said politely.  
"Thanks." I said afterwards.  
The girl smiled at us, and as she picked up her tray off the table, I noticed that her eyes travelled over to my thigh, where Finn's hand was. My cheeks burned a light shade of pink, as she looked at me. She quickly looked away and she walked over to the counter.  
"Thinkin' she's a lesbo." Finn murmured in my ear, making me laugh hard, and I nudged his knee with my own. "Wha'?" He asked innocently, as he laughed. "She wa' lookin' at ya legs, babe!"  
"Yeah, cause she could probably see ya hand movin', and wondered why it wa'!"  
Finn shrugged, picking up his glass,  
"Ah still think she's a lesbo." He replied, taking a sip of his coke.  
I laughed, shaking my head, and I picked up my own drink, taking a sip. _L-O-V-E Y-O-U _Finn wrote along my thigh. I grinned big and I leaned over to him, kissing his cheek softly,  
"Love you too, ya sappy sod."  
Finn chuckled softly and he kissed my neck softly,  
"Ah really hate ya for wearin' that dress, baby. It's makin' me think... Things." I hit his chest gently, a smile on my face as I blushed deeply, making Finn laugh. "Okay, okay, I'll stop."  
"Thank you." I replied with a smile on my face.  
Finn shifted slightly and he cleared his throat,  
"Scarborough were good, weren't it?"  
I smiled, remembering the moments that Finn and I had in the sea, and I nodded,  
"Yeah, was dead good."  
Finn smiled,  
"Loved it when Iz told Chopper off."  
I laughed nodding,  
"Oh fuck, yeah! 'E got in a right little strop, din't 'e?"  
Finn nodded, laughing,  
"Yeah. He don't like it when girls tell 'im what ta do." He paused and smirked. "Only in the bedroom."  
"Finn!" I exclaimed quietly. "That is too much fuckin' information!"  
He held his hands up in defence, laughing hard,  
"I'm sorry, ah couldn't resist!"  
I rolled my eyes, nudging his knee with my own, and then the waitress came over with our food. Setting our plates in front of us, we both thanked her, and then Finn turned to me,  
"Enjoy." He said softly.  
I grinned and started to eat my mash, and Finn began to eat his burger.

* * *

When we were just about finished, me finishing off my mash, and Finn finishing his chips, he licked his lips,  
"Can't fuckin' believe that party was fuckin' Kendo's. He's a right twat. He's scum."  
I smiled sympathetically at him,  
"Well, it wa' an alright night." I told him.  
He nodded and smiled at me,  
"True, true."  
"Ah really am sorry about all that shit, Finn."  
He nodded again, and he kissed my cheek softly,  
"Ah know ya are, Rae. Ya don't need to keep apologisin'. It's over wi' now. Promise." He nodded reassuringly at me, and the sting in my chest was slowly going away with relief.  
"We've gotta go an' do somethin' like Scarborough again." I said, quickly changing the subject.  
Finn smiled,  
"Yeah we do. Durin' half-term, we'll definitely go."  
The waitress came over,  
"Is everything alright?"  
Finn looked up at her and he nodded once,  
"Yeah, we're just finishin'."  
The girl nodded, and she glanced down at my thigh again, and then at Finn, before she walked away again. Finn seemed to tense when she left, and I looked at him, furrowing my eyebrows together at him,  
"You alright, Finn?" I asked him softly.  
Finn looked at me, and he seemed to calm instantly. He smiled at me and nodded,  
"Ah'm fine."  
"Finn, ya can tell me whatever it is, ya know?" I said, my eyes filled with hope.  
He sighed and he turned his body to me,  
"Alright." He laid his legs over mine, and I placed my hands on his legs, and I watched him closely. "Ya know that waitress?" I nodded slowly, my heart racing slightly. "Well... The other day..."  
I swallowed slightly,  
"Yeah?" I asked.  
"I saw 'er wi' Chloe."  
I furrowed my eyebrows together,  
"Okay...?"  
"An' ah overheard Chloe sayin' some shit about ya. Ah'm not gonna get into what it wa', cause it ain't important. And now... Now ah'm scared that she's said somethin' to 'er."  
"Like what?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing more.  
"She keeps lookin' at ya legs, Rae." He paused, as we took a few seconds to stare at one another. "Baby, ya can see the bottom of ya scars." My eyes widened and I looked down, relieved that my legs were covered by Finn's. I looked back up at him, and he licked his lips. "Ah jus' noticed that she looked at 'em, and then at me." He looked down, and this time, his voice was quieter. "Ya don't think she thinks ah've done that, do ya?"  
My whole face fell, and my eyes softened. I moved closer to Finn, wrapping my arms around his neck,  
"No, ah don't think that, Finn. I promise."  
He looked at me,  
"Then why did she look at me?" He voice was filled with confusion.  
I shrugged slightly,  
"Maybe she's still repulsed at the idea of ya feelin' me in the café where she works?" I suggested, trying to lighten the mood.  
Finn smiled at me, and then he let out a laugh,  
"Maybe." He brushed some hair behind my ear. "Ah love ya. If ah could, ah'd go back in time. Go back to the time when ya did it to ya self. And ah'd make sure ah knew ya, and we were friends. Ah'd stop ya ever thinkin' about doin' that to ya self."  
I smiled at him, blinking back the tears, and I sniffed slightly,  
"You really are a sappy sod."  
Finn chuckled softly, kissing my lips softly once,  
"Tell anyone, an' ah'll deny it."  
I smiled and then a thought came into my head,  
"Finn?"  
"Mmm?" He replied, his eyes on his lap, where he was playing with my fingers.  
"Ya know last week? When ya tried ta talk t'me, an' I wouldn't let ya inside?" Finn nodded slowly, looking up at me. "Did ya... By any chance, did ya put a blanket over me, and a pillow under me head?" I bit my lip, worried about what his answer was going to be.  
Finn smiled and he nodded,  
"Course ah did, Rae-Rae." I sighed in relief. "Ah came back. Ta check ya were alright, an' I saw ya fast asleep on the floor. Noticed that ya window was actually open, so ah came in an' put one of ya pillows under your head and used the blanket from the bottom of your bed. Din't want you cold now, did I?"  
I smiled big and I kissed his lips softly three times,  
"You're too sweet. I love you."  
Finn grinned,  
"I love you, too." His fingers brushed over my _f_ necklace, and I smiled to myself. He looked up at me and he smiled. "So tell me... You don't 'ave to talk about it, if ya don't wanna." I nodded in reply. "What do y'think you're gonna do about Chloe?" He asked.  
I shrugged slightly, picking up my fork, and I dipped the mash into the gravy,  
"Not sure." I admitted, keeping my gaze on my fork.  
Finn dropped his legs from mine and he picked up one of his chips,  
"Don't mean to ruin the mood. Ah jus' wanted to say that, whatever you wanna do; whether it's forgivin' her, an' everything goin' back to how it wa', or jus' forgettin' her, ah'm on your side, yeah? It's completely your choice. Don't let Izzy influence ya to do something ya don't wanna do, alright? An' don't let me and Chop convince ya to ignore 'er. We just want what's best for you, baby. Nought else."  
I smiled and nodded,  
"Ah know."  
"Has Arch said ought about it?"  
I shook my head,  
"Don't think 'e knows what to think."  
"Mmm." He nodded, eating the chip. "Think that's the best way ta be." He chuckled slightly.  
I smiled,  
"Ah just... Ah should be used to 'er by now." I shrugged slightly. "But ah'm not." I ate the mash off my fork.  
"Why are ya friends wi' her?" Finn asked. I lowered my fork from my mouth, and I stared at him in shock. He shrugged slightly. "Jus' askin'."  
I swallowed the mash and I sighed slightly,  
"Cause we've always been friends. That's jus' how it is."  
"Even though she treats ya like shit?"  
I nodded, shrugging slightly,  
"Chloe's my oldest friend, Finn. Ah don't wanna lose that, y'know?" He nodded. "I just... S'pose ah keep hopin' that she'll change back to the time when we first met."  
"Hate t'say it, babe. But ah doubt she'll be doin' that anytime soon." I sighing, nodding in agreement. "How did you two become friends?" He asked.  
I smiled instantly,  
"It wa' in school. We wa' around six. Ah wa' colourin' in me book, an' she came over. She jus' sat down beside me, and watched. Ah remember jus' thinking if she wanted something. So ah looked up and smile at her, an' she smiled back. 'Hi, I'm Chloe' she told me. 'Rachel. Well, I prefer Rae', I told her. She told me she liked me colourin', and I moved the book in the middle of us both, an' we both started colouring together." I smiled, my heart warming at the memory, and Finn smiled as well. "Wa' a good day. We wa' inseparable."  
Finn smile at me and he nodded,  
"Sounds like a nice memory, Rae-Rae."  
I smiled and nodded. _Maybe Finn__'__s wrong. Maybe I__'__m wrong. Maybe Chloe _could_ change back to the sweet girl that I met ten years ago. It__'__s possible. It had to be. You don__'__t just lose yourself like that. High school changed Chloe. She preferred to be popular. Was her one high school dream. She got that. And we separated. I wasn__'__t going to be apart of some group that took the piss out of everyone else. And then it all got too much. And I... ended up in a metal institution. Chloe is my best friend. She always has been. But is she the kind of friend I want in my life?_


	21. Chapter 21

We decided to share a dessert

– chocolate ice-cream. Finn picked up his spoon, and I picked up mine. He scooped some ice-cream onto his spoon, and he held it out to me. I gave him a look, raising my eyebrows at him,  
"Din't realise we were that sorta couple, Finnypoo."  
Finn chuckled and he moved it closer to my mouth,  
"We might as well be for today. It's been a good day."  
"Mmm." I smiled, looking down at his spoon. "It really has been. Thanks, Finn."  
"My pleasure." He replied as I ate the ice-cream off his spoon.  
The two of us then began to eat in a comfortable silence. Smiling and kissing each other every once in a while, and when we finished, Finn, annoyingly, paid for the meal. Standing up, Finn grabbed our helmets, and I slid out of the booth. He handed me my helmet, and then he took my hand. We walked out of the café, and we walked over to Finn's scooter.  
"Surprised no-one nicked it." He laughed, looking at the teddy bear.  
I giggled, shaking my head, and then I slid my helmet onto my head, fastening the strap under my chin. Finn slid his helmet on, and then he climbed onto his scooter. Holding out his hand for me, I took hold of it, and he helped me onto the scooter. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I moved closer to him, getting comfy, and then I kissed his cheek softly,  
"I love you." I told him.  
"I love you, too, Rae." He replied, the sincerity clear in his voice.  
I grinned, as Finn started the engine, and he drove away from the café.

* * *

When we arrived outside my house, it was now dark. Finn took hold of my hand, and he helped me off his scooter, and then he climbed off, pulling his helmet off his head. Finn then unstrapped my strap from under my chin, and he pulled my helmet off over my head. I grinned big at him, and I moved close to him, kissing his lips passionately once,  
"Finn, today has been... The best day of my life." I told him.  
A wide grin spread across his face,  
"Then my day was a success." He replied, and then he brushed my hair away from my face. "Ah'm really glad ya enjoyed ya self today, baby."  
I nodded, smiling,  
"I really, really did."  
Finn sighed happily with contentment, and then he pulled me into his arms; wrapping his arms around my waist, and resting his chin on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and rested my cheek against his chest,  
"I love you." He murmured.  
"I love you, too." I replied, with a bigger smile on my face.  
I felt Finn kiss my shoulder softly, and then my neck, and then my cheek, and then he placed two fingers under my chin, lifting it up to him, and he kissed my lips passionately once,  
"Ah wish ah din't choose to end the date here." He admitted.  
I smiled sympathetically at him,  
"Too late to change ya mind now, Finnypoo. Mam'll be watchin' like a hawk."  
He chuckled softly, tucking my hair behind my ear, and he glanced behind me,  
"Yep. Kitchen window." He laughed, looking back at me.  
I grinned, and sighed happily with contentment, and then I leaned up, kissing his lips softly once,  
"Goodnight, Finn. I love you so much."  
"I love you, too, Rae. Goodnight and sweet dreams, yeah?"  
I smiled nodding, and then I swallowed slowly. Looking over my shoulder at my mum in the kitchen window, I then looked back at Finn, and I leaned close to him,  
"I'll make it up ta ya, I promise." I whispered in his ear.  
When I pulled back, I noticed that his eyebrows were raised, and he smirked at me,  
"Lookin' forward to it." He murmured.  
I giggled and hit his arm lightly, before I sighed slightly,  
"She'll be bangin' on the window in a minute." I frowned.  
"Hey, none of that." Finn replied, kissing my lips passionately once, making me smile. "We're gonna see each other tomorrow anyways."  
I smiled nodding,  
"That's true. So, I'll see you then?"  
Finn smiled and nodded,  
"Definitely." He handed me my helmet. "Love you."  
"Love ya, too." I replied, taking my helmet from Finn, and I walked up the driveway. When I reached my front door, I turned back to Finn, and noticed that he was sitting on his scooter, watching me. I grinned at him, and he grinned back at me. Winking at me, he mouthed me a kiss, and then I giggled, shaking my head. Shaking his head and laughing to himself, Finn slid his helmet on his head, and he started his engine, revving it a couple of times, before looking at me again, and waving, before he drove away. I sighed happily, and then I walked inside, where I met mum.  
"Jeez. Ya scared me!" I complained.  
"Sorry." She apologised. "Did ya have a good time?" She asked.  
I smiled and nodded, tucking my hair behind my ear,  
"The best."  
Mum smiled at me, and then I walked past her and straight upstairs, and into my room. Closing the door behind me, I grinned big, and I dropped my helmet down onto the floor. Walking over to my bed, I sat down, and picked up my diary front the side, and opened it up.

_Dear Diary,  
Oh my god, I have just had __the__ BEST DAY EVER!  
Finn and I have just had our date, and it was __PERFECT!__  
He took me to the fairground, where we went on  
the dodgems, on a ghost train, which, by the way, he  
was the most perfect person ever, because; he  
knew I was really freaked by the stuff touching  
me and stuff, so get this, he turned my head  
to face him, and he KISSED ME! How romantic  
is that?! Oh my god, I think I love him MORE,  
(if that is even fucking possible!) Then we had  
some snacks, and we went on a Ferris wheel, some  
more random shitty __'__roller coaster__' __rides, and then we went  
on the stalls. Finn won me a teddy bear... WHICH HE__'__S  
FORGOTTEN TO GIVE ME. OH SHIT! I__'__ll have  
to ring him tomorrow and ask for him to bring it  
round before or after the pub. Because I know for a fact,  
that neither of us are up for it being brought to the  
pub..._

"Rachel?" My mum said softly, as she opened my bedroom door, poking her head round.  
I looked up from my diary, and I looked at her,  
"Yeah?"  
"Special delivery." She said, before bringing in my teddy bear that Finn had won me.  
I gasped, and sat up, climbing off the bed, and I walked over to my mum, taking the teddy bear from her, laughing a little,  
"Thanks, mum." I told her, and I hugged the teddy bear.  
"Seems like you two are really... Set, eh?"  
I smiled at my mum and I nodded a little,  
"S'pose ya could say that." I replied.  
My mum smiled at me,  
"I like Finn. He cares about you."  
I nodded again,  
"I like Finn, too."  
Mum smiled bigger and she nodded,  
"I'll leave you to it. You've eaten, right?"  
I walked over to my bed, and sat down, leaning my teddy bear against the wall,  
"Yeah, Finn and I went to the café after the fair."  
She nodded walking over to my bedroom door,  
"Alright, speak soon."  
"Speak soon." I replied, as she shut my bedroom door. I grinned big, staring at the teddy bear, and then I laughed, shaking my head. I then picked up my diary, and started to write again.

_...Mum just came in. Finn brought the teddy round.  
How cute is he? I think I like, REALLY love him. I mean,  
can you blame me? He__'__s perfect! Today was just plain  
amazing. There was a little tiff at the ghost train, when  
the girl in charge of it, said I couldn__'__t fit in the carriage.  
But it was okay. Finn and the man behind me  
defended me. Which was sweet of them. Turns out,  
I can fit. So HA! IN YOUR FACE, YOU STUPID BITCH!  
Well, I__'__m gonna end it there. With a simple note:  
Finn Nelson. If you ever read this entry, I just wanted  
to say that I love you. I really fucking love you, and  
that will never, ever change.  
Love always,  
Your Rae. xo_

* * *

Around noon the next day, I walked into the pub, seeing that everyone was already there. Walking over to our usual table, I sat down beside Finn, whom looked at me and smiled,

"Hey."  
"Hiya." I smiled at him.  
"Eyup, Raemundo! How ya doin' baby girl?" Chop asked, banging his hands on the table for emphasis.  
I laughed, looking at him,  
"Ah'm doin" great, thanks, Chopper. An' how are you doin'?"  
He wrapped his arm around Izzy's shoulders,  
"Can't complain, Raemundo. Ah'm doin' sound."  
I grinned and waved at Archie and Izzy, and then I picked up the pint that had already been bought for me, and I took a sip. Chop stood up, and he looked at us all,  
"Right, right, right. Another party, yeah? Tomorrow."  
My eyebrows raised at Chop,  
"Tomorrow? We've just 'ad one last week!"  
"Yeah, and that was last week, baby girl! New week, new party and all that shit!" I rolled my eyes at him and I looked at Finn, who just shrugged at me. "And besides, mummy, it's another rave. Not a party."  
My eyes widened slightly, and I felt Finn tap my thigh slightly. Looking at him, he raised his eyebrows at me,  
"No tablets." He murmured.  
I nodded,  
"No tablets." I agreed.  
He smiled and pecked my lips softly. After pecking Finn's lips back softly, I looked around, and analysed the table. Something felt _off_, and I couldn't figure out what it was. _Chloe._ That's what was missing. That's why it felt wrong to be here. Our group consisted of six people. Not five. Not like before I joined. There were _six_ in our group. I bit my lip and I wondered what I was going to do. _Do I forgive her? Or not?_ I asked myself.

* * *

Later on in the afternoon, Finn and I were in our 'little world', as everyone else talked amongst themselves.  
"What've you been thinking about, Rae-Rae?" He asked me.  
I furrowed my eyebrows together,  
"Whatcha mean?"  
Finn gave me a look,  
"You know what ah mean, Rae."  
I sighed,  
"It don't feel right."  
"What don't?"  
"Bein' here. Just the _five_ of us. Ya know?"  
He nodded and he brushed some of my hair away from my face,  
"Yeah, s'pose you're right."  
"Suppose?" I raised my eyebrows at him.  
"Well, ah don't really notice much else, apart from you." He smiled sheepishly at me.  
I gasped and nudged him,  
"Ya corny bastard."  
"Mmm, maybe so. But hey, made ya blush." I gasped, covering my cheeks, and Finn laughed. "So cute." He commented, making me blush more.  
I rolled my eyes,  
"So fucking mean."  
He gasped,  
"Me? Never." He said innocently.  
I smiled at him, and I tugged on his shirt,  
"So, ah was thinkin'..." I trailed off.  
Finn smirked, looking down at his shirt, and then he looked back at me,  
"Mm, I like it when ya think."  
I smirked back at him,  
"Not here. Not today."  
He frowned,  
"Talk about a buzzkill, Rae."  
I smirked bigger,  
"Tomorrow. After the rave, yeah?"  
Finn raised his eyebrows at me,  
"Or..." He leaned forward, and he kissed my neck softly. "Before." He murmured against my neck.  
I closed my eyes and smiled,  
"Mmm, I like that plan better." I whispered.  
I felt Finn smile against my neck, before he kissed it softly, and he pulled back,  
"It's a date."  
I smiled back at him, and I nodded,  
"It's a date." I looked up at the clock. "Oh, I have to go." I told him.  
Finn frowned again,  
"Why?"  
"Ah've planned a nice meal for Tixy."  
He smiled big at me,  
"You're the best, y'know that?"  
"Hmmm... Remember that when it goes horribly wrong, yeah?"  
Finn rolled his eyes,  
"It isn't gonna go horribly wrong, babe."  
"She don't eat, Finn." I sighed. "It maybe a challenge." I leaned closer and kissed his lips deeply once. "I love you. I'll see ya tomorrow, yeah?"  
Finn nodded and he smiled,  
"I love you, too. See you tomorrow."  
I got up, and walked out of the pub. As I did, I heard Chop calling after me, but then I heard Finn explaining. I took a deep breath, making my way to the hospital.

* * *

It was around five p.m., when I arrived at the hospital. Walking down the corridor and stopping outside Tix's room, I took a deep breath, and I knocked on the door, and I walked inside.  
"Rae!" She beamed.  
I smiled at her,  
"Hiya, Tixy. How d'ya fancy a meal in the canteen wi' me?" I asked nervously.  
Tix stared at me, and I knew she was instinctively going to say no. But after thinking for a few seconds, she smiled and nodded,  
"Sure."  
I grinned big, taken back by her answer,  
"Serious?"  
Tix nodded enthusiastically. I helped Tix walk out of her room, closing the door behind her, and then we both walked down the corridor together in silence. It was a nice silence. It was a silence that we always fell into. We were always comfortable with not speaking, when there was no need to.

We walked into the canteen a few minutes later, and I looked down at Tix, seeing her eyes widen with shock. She looked up at me, and I smiled, shrugging slightly,  
"An apology meal." I explained. I had called Kester and asked him to help. Although, at first, he was against the idea, saying that it was unfair to get Tix's hopes up for a second time; but I had promised him that I'd be there this time. And to keep it a secret from Tix. I didn't want to be cancelling on her because of last time. The table was spread with a red tablecloth, and there were candlelights in the middle of the table. There were two plates with silver lids on top. Kester had also set out glasses of water, and baskets of bread.  
"Apology? What for, Rae?" Tix asked, as she looked up at me with confusion.  
"For Monday, for standin' ya up last time." I looked down to the ground. When I slowly looked back at Tix, she was smiling small at me. "Shall we?" I asked.  
Tix nodded at me, and I held her hand, walking over to the set table. I let go of her hand, letting her sit down on one of the seats, and then I sat down opposite her.  
"This is nice." I commented.  
Tix looked down nervously at the food that was laid out in front of her, and she nodded slightly. She was nervous; I knew this. But hopefully, this meal would be a success.


	22. Chapter 22

I was nervous. Extremely nervous. I didn't know how Tix was going to respond to all this, but so far, she seemed to have an open mind. Swallowing slowly, I lifted up my silver lid, placing it to the side of us both. Grilled chicken, broccoli and bread. Seemed pretty reasonable. I sniffed twice, and then looked up at Tix,  
"Smells yummy t'me." I commented.  
I notice that Tix's nose was scrunched up in disgust. I bit my lip, and watched her look up at me,  
"Define yummy." She replied.  
I rolled my eyes playfully and smiled,  
"Water?" I offered, lifting the silver jug. Tix nodded and smiled, and I poured the two of us a glass of water each. Tix picked up her glass, and took a small sip, before setting it back down. I licked my lips. "How about this? We take it slowly, yeah? Bit by bit?"  
Tix was chewing on her bottom lip, her eyes wide, as she looked over at her plate. She didn't want to do this. It was obvious. I had to have an open mind. There was a possibility that she _could_ eat some of the food. _Some was better than nothing._ I told myself. I picked up a piece of the bread from the basket, and I ripped it up into small bits. Tix mirrored my actions, and I took this as a positive. I smiled at her, and then I licked my lips,  
"So, guess what?"  
Tix smiled,  
"What?" Her attention was back on me, rather than the food. I could tell. I knew that I had to do a bit of eating and talking, to distract her. Cruel, but effective.  
"Everyone wants ta meet ya." I beamed at her.  
Tix slowly raised her eyebrows at me,  
"Th-they do?"  
I nodded enthusiastically,  
"Yeah! Izzy told me last Wednesday that everyone's dyin' to meet ya. In't that sweet?" I asked.  
Tix smiled small, but it dropped quickly,  
"A-All at the same time?" She asked, and I could tell she was panicking.  
I smiled warmly at her,  
"No, course not. One at a time. Not on the same day, obviously. But... Ya may have ta meet Izzy and Chop at the same time, though. Cause those two are inseperable!"  
"Like you and Finn?" Tix teased.  
I rolled my eyes playfully and smiled,  
"Yeah, s'pose. Oh, and he wants t'see you again."  
Tix smiled,  
"He does?"  
I gave her my best _duh_ expression, and then laughed,  
"Think he's tryin' to steal ya from me." I teased.  
Tix shook her head quickly,  
"Oh, that'd never happen, Rae."  
I smiled softly at her,  
"I know." I lifted up a piece of my bread, and I brought it to my lips, chewing it slowly. Tix watched me closely, and she slowly began to mirror my actions; lifting the piece of bread to her lips. Her arm froze, as she stared down at it. _C__'__mon, Tixy. C__'__mon, you can do it._ I thought to myself. Tix opened her mouth slowly, putting the small piece of bread into her mouth, and she chewed slowly. Very slowly. My heart raced with excitement, but I quickly remembered what Kester said: no fuss. Clearing my throat, I took a sip of my water, and then I licked my lips,  
"So, d'ya think you'd be up to that, then? Meetin' the gang?"  
Tix didn't respond at first. And I took this as a bad sign. But then, she nodded slowly, as she swallowed her bread; her nose crinkling slightly as she did,  
"It can't be one a day though, Rae. I-I don't think I'd be able to handle that."  
I smiled warmly at her,  
"Ah know, Tixy, don't worry."  
She smiled back at me, and I picked up another small piece of bread, Tix doing the same. We both put the pieces of bread in our mouths, and we chewed slowly. As I swallowed mine, looked down at my plate, and I picked up my knife and fork. I began to cut up my chicken, and I licked my lips again,  
"So... How's it goin' wi' Danny?"  
Tix blushed, swallowing her bread, and she picked up her glass, taking a sip of her water,  
"He took me to the lake again." She told me.  
I smiled and nodded encouragingly,  
"That's good, Tixy."  
"But..." She frowned. "He tried to get me to go in the water again." I furrowed my eyebrows at her. "He told me to just sit down at the edge, and dip a toe in." I raised my eyebrows at her, and she shook her head. "I couldn't do it."  
I smiled sympathetically at her,  
"It's a bit at a time." I reminded her, and Tix nodded in agreement with me. "Don't worry, Tix. If it helps, ah think ya gettin' better."  
Her eyes brightened with delight,  
"You do?"  
I grinned and nodded,  
"Yeah." _You__'__re sitting here, actually slowly eating something._ I thought to myself,  
"Thanks, Rae."  
"No problem."  
Behind Tixy, I noticed someone walk inside. Looking over her shoulder, I noticed it was Kester. I smile at him, and Tix noticed this, quickly looking over her shoulder, and we both watched him walk over,  
"Well, well, well. What's this then? A mother's meeting?" He teased.  
I rolled my eyes,  
"Actually, we're catchin' up." I informed him.  
He chuckled softly, nodding, and I watched him discreetly glance down at Tix's hands. Seeing that the bread had been broken into, and that she was currently clutching a piece of bread in her hands, Kester looked back up at me, and slyly winked at me; signalling that I'd done gone. I smiled at him, and looked at Tix, whom looked back at me.  
"We're talking about Rae's friends coming to visit me." Tix informed Kester. _Actually, we were taking about your relationship with Danny, Tixy._ I thought to myself, quickly biting my lip, to stop my smirk. "Not all at the same time, of course." She said quickly.  
Kester's eyebrows rose, and he looked at me.  
"Izzy wa' tellin' me the other day, that they're all dyin' to meet her." I agreed.  
"Hmm... We might be able to arrange that." Kester replied.  
Tix and I gasped with delight, and we looked at each other, grinning big,  
"Awesome!" I grinned.

When Kester, finally, disappeared, Tix and I began to slowly eat again. I was relieved that she was put off with the whole idea, because Kester showed up. Watching Tix, I noticed that she was moving her food around the plate with her fork, trying to make it seem like she had eaten more than she had. Frowning to myself, I quickly recovered by eating a piece of chicken, and swallowing it.  
"So how's it going with you and Chloe?" Tix asked me.  
I looked up at her, and contemplated my answer. How _was_ it going? She gave me an ultimatum. Did that count for something? I looked down at my plate,  
"She gimme an ultimatum." I mumbled. Slowly looking back up at Tix, I noticed that her eyebrows were raised at me. "It's my decision what 'appens between us." I explained.  
"That's good." She paused and furrowed her eyebrows at me. "Isn't it?" Her voice showed that she was slightly confused by my reaction.  
I shrugged. I haven't thought about it much. And why should I?  
"S'pose... Ah like the... The control." I replied, realisation hiring me. "I have the control." I told Tix, who smiled at me, and I smiled back. "For the first time ever, I 'ave control over Chloe."  
Tix smiled bigger,  
"That's good, Rae! Just, don't let that control get to your head." She warned me.  
I let out a laugh and nodded,  
"Okay, ah promise."  
Tix let out a soft giggle, and then she picked up her glass, taking a sip, and she sighed,  
"I'm done." She announced. I looked down at her plate, and I frowned to myself. A few pieces of bread, about a mouthful of chicken, and broccoli. I looked up at Tix, whom shrugged at me. "I did the best I could." She told me in a quiet voice, looking down.  
I instantly felt guilty at how I reacted. Reaching over, I placed my over Tix's,  
"Ah'm proud of ya, Tixy. Ya did good." Her head shot up at me, her eyes filled with hope, and I smiled at her, Tix returning the smile.  
"Shall I take you back to ya room?" I asked her softly.  
Tix nodded and she sighed,  
"Need to get back so they can run some tests on me." I nodded, choosing not to question it. We both rose in a comfortable silence, and we both headed out of the canteen. Tix looked like she was deep in thought. I watched her, curiosity growing on my face,  
"Y'alright there?" I asked, with a small laugh.  
Tix looked up at me and grinned, nodding,  
"Yeah. Just thinking about my latest talk with Kester. He came to see me before you came."  
"What's 'e saying?" I asked curiously.  
She shrugged,  
"Nothing much. Just asking me about random stuff."  
I smiled at her, and when we arrived outside her room. Tix hugged me briefly,  
"See ya soon, Tixy."  
"See you soon, Skinny. Thanks for today." She beamed.  
"It's no problem, Fatty." I smiled at her. I watched Tix walk back into her room, and then I walked down the corridor and out of the exit. _Tix - check. Next, Chloe._ I thought to myself. Sighing slightly to myself, I walked out of the car park, and down the road.

* * *

When I arrived at Chloe's, I stared at her front door for a few minutes, contemplating whether I should really do this.  
"Oh what the hell." I mumbled, before knocking on her front door.  
Seconds later, Chloe opened the front door, and she blinked a few times,  
"Rae." She said, her voice filled with shock.  
I smiled small at her,  
"Can ah come in?" I asked.  
Nodding, Chloe opened the door wider and stepped aside, and I walked in, closing the door behind me, before walking after Chloe upstairs. I could feel my nerves growing, as we walked into her bedroom. Chloe sat down on her bed, and I walked over, sitting down beside her.  
"So... What can I do for you, Rae?" Chloe asked softly.  
My heart was filled nerves as I looked at her,  
"Ah've done some thinkin'." I admitted. "Come to a decision." Chloe nodded silently, waiting for me to continue. I took a deep breath. "Chloe, what ya said about me. It really hurt. Ah mean. What 'ave ah done, to make ya so mad at me, that ya say shit like that?"  
Chloe shrugged helplessly,  
"Ya know what ah'm like, Rae." She sighed. "I'm a bitch."  
I bit my lip and watched her silently for a few seconds,  
"Yeah, well... We were at the pub today." I told her, and this seemed to upset her. She blinked a couple of times; the hurt clear in her eyes. "An' ah wa' lookin' around, an' noticed how odd it looked wi'out ya." I admitted. Chloe looked up at me. "Chlo, I forgive ya." I told her.  
Chloe's mouth curved up into a smile,  
"Really? Ya mean it?" She asked. I nodded, smiling at her. "Oh, Rae, thank you so much!" She beamed, leaning forward, and wrapping her arms around my neck, hugging me. I hugged her back, and then we pulled away. "I was so worried." She laughed.  
I let out a laugh of my own, and then I checked the time on Chloe's alarm clock: 5:15p.m.,  
"Shit. Look, Chlo, ah've gotta go. Tomorrow, Chop has invited us all to a rave. Ya can come if ya want? Ah'll call an' find out the details and let you know, yeah?" Chloe smiled and nodded. "Cool, see ya later, Chlo."  
"Bye, Rae. Really, thank you."  
I stayed silent, smiling at her, and I stood up, walking over to her bedroom door, and I walked out of it, downstairs and out the front door. A smile appeared on my face, as I walked down Chloe's street. If I was honest, I was feeling pretty pleased with myself. Tix had eaten something, Chloe and I were alright again. Everything was starting to look alright finally.

* * *

Walking up my driveway, I walked inside, and into the living room. Mum was sitting down on the sofa, watching tv. She looked up at me,  
"You're looking all pleased with yaself. What's happened?" She asked me.  
I couldn't keep it in anymore. Walking over to the sofa, I sat down beside her,  
"Ah went ta see Tixy today, and we 'ad a meal. Ah actually got 'er to eat something. Was only a little bit, though."  
"It doesn't matter how much she ate, Rae. She's making progress and that's all that matters. Well done, Rachel. Ya should be pleased with yourself."  
I nodded,  
"I am." I sighed with contentment. "And... There's been a lot happenin' wi' Chloe." I told her.  
Mum raised her eyebrows at me,  
"Oh?" She asked.  
I nodded, licking my lips,  
"Yeah. When we all went to Scarborough, we stopped for refreshments, an' when we were about to set off again, Chop and Chloe 'ad gotten out of his car, an' arguin'. Apparently Chloe wa' sayin' shit about somethin' that had happened the night before, an' she wa' takin' the piss." Mum furrowed her eyebrows, and I knew what she was thinking. _'__That doesn__'__t sound like Chloe__'__._ I scoffed inwardly to myself. _How wrong you are, mother. How wrong you are._ "Basically, it ended wi' Chop leavin' her there. She din't come to Scarborough with us."  
Mum gave me a look,  
"Rachel!" She hissed.  
I scoffed,  
"She deserved it! She wa' taking the piss outta me!" I defended. Mum just sighed. "Basically everyone weren't talkin' to 'er cause of it. Was dead weird. Chloe came round the other day, and basically said that it wa' my choice, what happened with us. Ah've just been round and made up with 'er."  
Mum smiled at me,  
"Well that's good to hear. There's no need for all this useless drama."  
I nodded in agreement,  
"Oh, and by the way, Finn wants to meet you an' Karim properly at some point. So, if ya wanted..." I trailed off.  
Mum's eyes lit up with excitement,  
"We'll have a dinner. Next week." She was mainly speaking to herself now. "Make sure you tell him, Rachel." She gave me a look.  
I rolled my eyes at her,  
"Course ah'll bloody tell him! Ah'm seein' him tomorrow, so ah'll tell him then!"  
"Good." She nodded, and she stood up. "Want a cuppa?"  
I shook my head and smiled,  
"Nah ah'm alright. Ah'm gonna go an' have a shower." Standing up, I walked out of the living room, and upstairs. Walking into my room, I opened my draws and got out a pair of pale blue pyjamas, and Finn's hoodie. Walking back out of my bedroom, I walked into the bathroom, and I closed the door behind me. I placed my pyjamas onto the toilet seat, and then I turned the warm water on. I stripped out of my clothes, and then I stepped into the shower, shutting the shower curtain. I thought back about the past few days, feeling all my problems washing away with the water. I accused Finn of cheating on me. Twice - technically. Chloe had started more shit, and it caused everyone to ignore her. Finn and I are okay now - thank god, and Chloe and I are alright as well. I visited Tix today, and she ate. She actually ate something! That was an accomplishment alone. I smiled to myself. Yeah, it's been an alright week. And then I thought of next week - school. _Why was I so nervous?_ I knew why. I was scared. Scared of falling back into how I was months ago. I shook my head. _No. I won__'__t let myself get that way again. I__'__m fine. I__'__m happy. I have an amazing boyfriend, amazing friends, and I__'__m not alone anymore. I have people around me that love me, and care about me. For once - I was fine._


	23. Chapter 23

The next day, I was sitting in my room, doodling, embarrassingly, about Finn:

· Mrs. Rachel Nelson.

· Rae + Finn forever.

· I love Finn.

· Finn Sex-God Nelson.

"Rachel! Finn's on the phone for you!"  
My face broke out into a grin, and I closed my diary, rushing out of my bedroom and downstairs, taking the phone from mum,  
"Hey, you." I grinned down the phone.  
"Hiya, Rae-Rae. Y'alright?" I could hear the smile in his voice.  
"Mm, I'm a lot better now ya've called."  
Finn chuckled softly,  
"Now who's the cheeky bastard?" He teased.  
"Still you." I teased back.  
"Pfft. Anyways, callin' to say, ya still up for changin' at mine?"  
"Yeah, yeah. Sounds cool."  
"Alright, cool. Ah'll pick ya up around five then, yeah? An' we'll set off at six."  
"Sounds good." I replied, wrapping the phone cord around my index finger.  
"Me mam an' dad will be out. So before we go, we could..." He trailed off.  
I grinned big,  
"Oh, really now?"  
"Really. So, ya better be ready."  
"I'm ready." I replied, biting my bottom lip.  
"Good ta hear. Ah'll see ya later, Rae."  
"Okay, Finn. I love you."  
"I love you, too."  
We both hung up, and I hugged myself, before I rushed upstairs, and into my bedroom. I rushed over to my wardrobe, trying to decide on an outfit for tonight.

* * *

At five, Finn knocked on my front door. Opening it up, as I shrugged on my leather jacket, I grinned at him,  
"Hiya." I greeted him.  
"Hey." He grinned back.  
I picked up my bag and helmet, and then I walked outside, closing the door behind me. Finn and I walked over to his motorbike, and then I slid my helmet on, fastening the strap under my chin. Finn slid on his helmet on, and he climbed onto the bike, and then after I slid my arm through the bag handles, he helped me onto his bike. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I smiled at him,  
"By the way, the dinner's next week." I told him.  
Finn turned on the engine and he glanced at me over his shoulder,  
"Can't wait." He told me, and then he looked ahead, and he drove away from my house.  
When we arrived at Finn's, we climbed off the bike and walked inside his house. Finn took my helmet from me, setting them both down in the hallway, and then he took my hand, and we both rushed upstairs. I giggled at how eager he was being. When we walked inside Finn's bedroom, I closed the door behind us, and Finn cupped my cheeks, kissing me passionately. I gasped, moaning against his lips, and Finn groaned in reply, pressing our bodies against each other. He ran a hand through my hair, and then he walked me back towards his bed. Laying me down gently, I moaned into the kiss, running my hands down his chest, making my way to his jeans. Eagerly unbuttoning them, Finn groaned, before he pulled out of the kiss,  
"So eager, baby." He teased in a husky voice.  
I bit my lip, unzipping his jeans, and I pulled down his jeans. Finn unbuttoned my shirt, shoving it off my shoulders, and then he slid his hands around my back, unclasping my bra, and pulling it off. He began to kiss my shoulder softly, and I closed my eyes, tipping my head back, my breathing uneven. I felt Finn smile against my neck, before he made a trail of kisses from the crook of my neck, up to the beginning of my jaw line. He was unbuttoning my jeans, pushing them down, as I pulled his shirt up as high as I could. Pulling away, to lift his arms in the air, I pulled Finn's shirt off over his head, and then I threw it to the side. As Finn pulled down my panties, and threw them aside, I pulled off his boxers, Finn kissing along my jaw line, making me tip my head back, and I moaned quietly. Pushing down Finn's boxers, he pulled away from my jaw, and he smiled down at me. Brushing my hair away from my face, he feather kissed my lips softly, and I smiled back at him. Biting his lip, Finn knelt up, reaching over, and he opened his side table draw, getting out a condom. Ripping up the packet, he pulled out the condom, and he rolled it onto his length. Straddling back over me, Finn leaned down, running a hand through my hair roughly, before he held my hand, entwining our fingers, holding it at the side of my head. He leaned his other hand on the other side of my head, and then he bit his lip, slowly sliding himself into me. I gasped, tipping my head back, moaning loudly. Finn thrusted inside me; groaning loudly as he did. Crashing his lips against mine, we both kissed passionately, Finn sliding his tongue into my mouth, and the two of us massaging our tongues together. Finn was slowly thrusting inside me, making me arch my body inside me, as he picked up the speed. I squeezed our entwined hands, gripping Finn's sheets, as I moaned loudly into the kiss. Finn pulled out of the kiss, resting our foreheads together, his eyes closed,  
"Rae." He panted over and over again.  
I bit my bottom lip, lifting my hips, and meeting his thrusts. Finn groaned with pleasure, throwing his head back, thrusting faster inside me,  
"Rae." He moaned out.  
I tipped my head back, gripping the sheets tighter,  
"Oh, fuck, Finn…" I moaned out in pleasure. Finn thrusted inside me faster, and I felt my legs twitch, as my orgasm built. "Ohhhhhh…" I moaned out in pleasure. Finn closed his eyes and he called out my name in pleasure, and as he did, I came, and then so did he. We both rode out our orgasms, and then Finn pulled out of me, and he collapsed beside me, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. We both lay there, catching our breaths, as we stared at the ceiling.

Ten minutes later, the two of us climbed off Finn's bed, and we started to get ready. I wore a red, cotton dress. It stopped at my knees, and the sleeves stopped after my shoulders. I had worn this to the party we went to, when Finn stayed at my house. Changing into it, I then slid on my leggings, and I slid on my black converses. Finn wore his faded blue jeans, as well as a tight-fitted white t-shirt. He wore his converses, and he had his leather jacket laid on his bed. I glanced over to his wardrobe, as something caught my eye. Furrowing my eyebrows together in confusion, I walked over to the wardrobe, tugging the glittery clothing off its hanger. I noticed the glittery blazer, and I raised my eyebrows at Finn, as he looked at me. He smiled sheepishly, and let out a laugh,  
"Bought it for ya. Hope ya don't mind." He looked embarrassed.  
I grinned at him,  
"Awe, thank you, baby."  
He smiled sheepishly at me, and then he wandered off to the other side of his room, turning on his stereo,  
"Wanna do somethin' we ain't done properly in a while?" He asked me.  
I furrowed my eyebrows at him,  
"What's that?"  
Finn bit his lip, and turned _Wonderwall_ on his stereo, and then he turned back to me,  
"Dance wi' me."  
I raised my eyebrows at him,  
"Wha'?" I stuttered.  
"Ya know like at ya mam's weddin' and we danced?" I nodded. "Ah wanna dance like that wi' ya again."  
I let out a laugh,  
"Ya serious?" I asked, my nerves pulsing through my veins. I swallowed slowly, and watched with a slightly wider eye, as Finn nodded at me. "Why?" I asked him.  
"Cause, we've been through a lot, Rae." He admitted. "An' ah wanna take us back to the beginning, ya know? Make us remember that first dance, an' the feelings we got from it."  
I smiled at him and nodded, walking over to him. I threw my glittery blazer onto his bed, and placed my hand in Finn's awaiting hand. He pulled me into him, placing his hands on my waist. I smiled, blushing slightly, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Finn rested his chin gently on my shoulder, as we slowly swayed side to side.  
"Today is gonna be the day, that they're gonna throw it back to you." Finn sung softly in my ear. "By now, you should've somehow realised what you gotta do. I don't believe that anybody, feels the way I do, about you now." I closed my eyes and smiled, resting my left cheek on his left shoulder, as we swayed. My heart was racing, and I couldn't believe that out of everybody in Lincolnshire, I was slow dancing to _Wonderwall_ with Finn Nelson. The hottest guy here in Lincolnshire. "Back beat, the word is on the street, that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure, you've heard it all before, but you've never really had a doubt. I don't believe that anybody, feels the way I do, about you now." As the instrumental played, Finn moved back from me slightly, causing me to lift my head from his shoulder, and look at him. He smiled at me, dropping his hands, and he held onto my left hand, and he twirled me around. I grinned big, and when I twirled around once, I rewrapped my arms around his neck, moved closer to him, and I kissed him softly. Kissing me back softly, Finn wrapped his arms around my waist, and we started to sway side to side again. I was enchanted and captivated by this boy. He knew exactly what to say and to do, to make me feel so at ease, and also, so in love with him. This boy was perfect, and he was _mine_. Pulling out of the kiss, I rested my forehead against his softly, and the two of us stared into each other's eyes. _"There are many things that I, would like to say to you, but I don't know how."_ Played softly in the background. I bit my lip, and grinned big, feeling my heart racing.

* * *

We were driving down an empty road, my arms around Finn's waist, and I was screaming. Finn was laughing, letting out a scream every once in a while, and he kept looking over his shoulder, checking that I was alright. Laughing hard, I rested my chin on his shoulder gently, feeling relaxed and calm and comfortable by Finn's side. We arrived at the location of the rave five minutes later, and Finn stopped the engine, and as unwrapped my arms from around his waist, he held out his hand for me. Taking his hand, he helped me off his bike. Taking off his helmet, and then climbing off his bike as well, he then unstrapped my helmet, and he pulled it off my head. I was grinning big, watching him, and then he leaned forward, and kissed my lips softly once,  
"I love you." He mouthed to me.  
"I love you, too." I mouthed back, grinning big.  
"Right, kids! We ready for this shit, eh?" Chop hollered, as he climbed out of his car.  
I laughed, shaking my head, and noticed that Chloe climbed out of the back. She smiled at me, and I smiled back at her. Opening his boot, we all walked over to Chop's boot, and started to pick out random stuff to wear.  
"Ya wearin' ought?" I asked Finn, looking at him, as he looked inside.  
He laughed,  
"Fuck that shit, Rae. That stuffs for you an' the lasses." I rolled my eyes playfully, and smiled. "Mmm, maybe ya could wear those fairy wings before Izzy gets a chance." He smirked at me.  
I smiled at him, and I gave him a look,  
"Mmm, maybe I could."  
"Oh, the fairy wings!" Izzy beamed, picking them out from the car, and Finn and I laughed.  
"Maybe not." Finn laughed. I giggled, and looked inside the boot, picking out a black headband, which had cat ears on it. Tying my hair up into a low ponytail, I then slid on the headband in my hair, and I looked at Finn. "Beautiful." He commented. I blushed deeply, and he held out my hand for me to take. Taking it, he pulled me closer to him, and the two of us, walked away from Chop's car. "Y'gonna be alright tonight, yeah? Wi' Chloe an' all that?"  
I smiled and nodded,  
"Ah'll be fine, Finn. Ah promise. Me an' Chlo are alright now."  
He smiled at me and nodded,  
"A'right, good." He replied, and then he looked over my shoulder.  
"Hey, Rae? Can I have a word, please?" Chloe asked, walking over to us.  
I looked at Finn, and he smiled, letting go of my hand, and then he gave a small smile to Chloe, before stuffing his hands into his jeans pockets, and he walked back over to Chop, Archie and Izzy. I looked at Chloe.  
"I just…" She glanced over at the gang, and then back at me. "I'm really sorry, Rae. For everything. I really appreciate you forgiving me, even though I don't deserve it. I also wanted to say sorry for all the stuff I said to ya about Finn. Ah didn't mean it. I was just annoyed, y'know? I think that Finn is the perfect guy for you, and I think that you two are gonna stick. He's not gonna cheat on ya. An' if everything that happened last week, has anything to do with what I said to ya, then I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to mess wi' ya head or anything. I just want ya to be alright, and I want us to be, y'know? How we were."  
I smiled at Chloe,  
"Chloe, you're really sweet. Thanks for apologisin'. An' I'm sorry for everything I said to you, as well."  
"It's in the past right?" She smiled, and I nodded. Chloe opened out her arms, and the two of us hugged each other. "I love ya, Rae."  
I smiled,  
"Love ya too, Chlo."  
Pulling out of the hug, we linked arms, and made our way back over to the rest of the gang.  
"Ahem. Chloe, I think that's my bit ya stealin'." Finn teased, looking down at our linked arms.  
"Yeah, an' I thought it wa' me and you that were a better couple, Chloe?" Archie asked, raising his eyebrows at her.  
Chloe and I laughed, unlinking our arms, and I walked over to Finn. He gave me a look, a look that asked if everything was okay. Smiling and nodding at him, he smiled back, and I scrunched my nose at him, and Finn did the same back. Linking my arm through Finn's, I kissed his shoulder softly, as Izzy and Chop linked arms, and Chloe and Archie linked arms.  
"Now, can we please can inside? Tonight's gonna be fuckin' buzzing!" Chop beamed.  
Laughing, we all nodded, and headed towards the building.

* * *

Everyone was buzzing as we waiting near the entrance to walk inside. Chloe and Archie were at one side, their bodies almost pressed together side by side as they waited impatiently, Chloe whining every once in a while. _How Archie is keeping his cool, I__'__ll never know._ I thought to myself. On the other side, Chop and Izzy were standing there. Chop had his arms wrapped firmly around his girl, and she was beaming, as they both sneaked peeks inside. Finn placed his hands on my shoulders from behind. Looking over my shoulder and up at him, Finn grinned down at me. Leaning down, he said softly in my ear,  
"Y'alright, Rae-Rae?" He murmured.  
Nodding eagerly, I said in his ear,  
"I am now." And I honestly, and truly was. Finn grinned down at me, and he winked, making me giggle. Finn smiled to himself, biting his lip, and then he looked down again. "Ah'm so lucky to 'ave ya, Rae." He admitted.  
My heart skipped a beat. _Ah'm so lucky to 'ave ya, Rae._ repeated in my head over and over. I grinned big at him, and I nodded fast,  
"Me too, Finn. Ya've made me so 'appy. Ah can't believe we're 'ere. Ah remember the last time we were at a rave, an' ah wa' hopin' to have me fantasy come true."  
Finn grinned at me, and he kissed my lips softly once,  
"Ya never know." He murmured on my lips. "Ya may jus' get that fantasy tonight."  
Biting my lip softly, I blushed deeply, and then I sighed happily,  
"Maybe." I whispered.  
I heard Chop sigh deeply beside us,  
"Fuckin' hell, what's takin' so long?" He complained.  
"There's a lot of people 'ere tonight, Chop. That's all it is." Archie explained, with a sympathetic look on his face.  
"Ah know, but ah wanna get inside." He whined. "Ey!" He beamed, pulling out a bag of pills from his coat pocket. "Who wants one?" He grinned big. We all looked at the bag, and then at each other, and shook our heads. Chop rolled his eyes, and shook his head. "C'mon, guys! Don't be fuckin' borin'! Raemundo? You loved 'em last time!" He tried to convince me.  
I knew that Finn was watching me, as I pulled a face, and shook my head,  
"Nah, ya alright, Chopper. Not into that stuff anymore. Wa' a one time thing."  
"Ya lettin' ya man tell ya what ya can and can't do?" He teased, with a smile on my face.  
"When it comes ta stuff like that, yes." I replied, and Finn wrapped his arms around my waist.  
"Anyway." Finn started. "Ah dunno why ya gettin' so fuckin' cocky. Who says Izzy's gonna let ya take any?" Finn asked, raising his eyebrows at him.  
Chop opened his mouth to speak, when Izzy cut him off, pulling the bag of pills out of his hands,  
"She's not." She looked at him. "You're not taking any of these, Arnold, they're dangerous!"  
Chop looked down at Izzy,  
"Yeah, but it's a rave, baby."  
"I don't care. You can still have a good time without being drugged up on these!"  
Finn and I looked at each other, with a smug smile on our faces, and then I looked at Chloe; and the two of us laughed silently.  
"Iz, c'mon now."  
"Ooh, we're going in!" Chloe beamed.  
Finn unwrapped his arms from around me, and he held my hand, entwining our fingers together. I knew that he was doing this to keep me by his side, so we didn't lose each other. Chop and Izzy instantly stopped arguing about the pills, and Chop grinned big, wrapping his arm around Izzy's shoulders, and he pulled her in close to him. The six of us walked inside, and into the rave.


	24. Chapter 24

The music was blaring, the lights were shining neon colours, and inside was packed. We had stopped at the entrance, looking around in awe. It was _bigger_ than the last one. Which seemed impossible. Chop looked around and he grinned big,  
"Man, this is fucking epic!" He beamed. We all nodded in agreement.  
"This is gonna be sick!" Finn grinned, squeezing my hand gently. I looked at him, and he winked at me. I grinned, and bit my lip, looking around the room.  
"Archer, you on boy watch tonight?" Izzy asked, with a grin on her face.  
Archie looked at her, and then he laughed nervously,  
"Dunno, Iz."  
"Aweee!"  
"Leave the poor fucker alone." I laughed, shaking my head.  
"Besides, I have dibs on him for now." Chloe teased, winking at Archie.  
He laughed and wrapped his arm around Chloe's shoulders,  
"Exactly. I'm too busy to be on watch for anyone. I'm busy showing Rae and Finn that Chloe and I are the better couple."  
I smiled and rolled my eyes playfully,  
"Oh, piss off!" I laughed.  
Chloe took hold of Izzy's hand, and mine making me lose grip with Finn's hand, and she rushed us over to the dance floor. Looking over my shoulder quickly, Finn smiled at me, and I quickly waved at him.  
"Let's dance!" Chloe called over the music.  
Izzy and I looked at each other,  
"WHOOOO!" We called, before we all threw our arms in the air, and then we laughed. We all began to dance, swarms of bodies pressing against each other, and there was a strong stench of sweat in the air. Everyone was either buzzed with alcohol or drugs, or even, both. The three of us were sober, and we were acting just as crazy as everyone else.  
"I fuckin' love you guys!" Chloe called over the music.  
"We love you, too!" Izzy called back, with a wide grin on her face.  
"Aweeee!" I giggled, holding out my arms out, and we all embraced each other. The music was pulsing through our bodies, vibrating from the ground, and through us, as we danced. The energy was so lively; it made my heart race. Izzy was waving her plastic wand around as she danced, and my eyes were searching for one person: Finn. I felt guilty for leaving him to dance with Chloe, but we needed this. The three of us needed this moment to reconnect with each other. A lot had happened in the short space of time. I loved Chloe. She was my best friend. She was a really good friend, when she wasn't showing off and trying to put me down. But we were best friends. We're always there for each other, and that's gonna be the same forever. Izzy. She's the cutest and funniest girl I've ever met. She makes me feel so happy whenever I'm around. It's almost impossible to be sad around her. These were my girls, and I loved them both so much. _Wow, I sound fucking cheesy._ I thought to myself. I spotted Finn. He was leaning against one of the columns from the building, and his eyes were on me. He had his right foot, resting against the column, and his arms were crossed over his chest. His lips were curved up into a smile as he watched me, and when he saw that I was looking at him, he winked at me, and I giggled, blowing a kiss at him. He grinned and he shifted slightly, putting his right foot onto the ground, and he rested his left leg against the column. I giggled again, and I looked back at the girls, dancing once again.  
"Rae! You forgot your whistle!" Izzy gasped, and she took off one of the two whistles from around her neck, and she handed it to me. "Here!"  
I grinned and took it from her, and then I put it around my neck, and I turned on the light up whistle. I grinned bigger, and I looked back at Finn, whom was smiling and watching me still. I sighed happily, and turned my attention back to the girls.

* * *

We had been dancing for around forty-five minutes, when Chloe's attention was diverted to somewhere, or some_one_ else, rather. She danced her way over to the boy, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. I looked at Izzy, and we both raised our eyebrows, impressed with her confidence,  
"Shall we go and find the boys?" Izzy shouted over the music.  
I nodded, and smiled, licking my lips. Looking over my shoulder at Chloe, I left her to it, and then Izzy and I made our way off the dance floor, and we began to look around.  
"Can you see 'em?" I called over the music.  
Izzy shook her head, and we carried on looking. I looked around, and my eyes found Finn. I grinned big, and I sighed happily.  
"Ooh, I've found Chop!" Izzy squealed with delight. She turned to me. "Have you found Finn?"  
I looked at her and nodded, grinning, and then we both departed each other; Izzy rushing towards the DJ booth, and I made my way over to the drinks table.  
"So, what's a girl gotta do round here, for you to pour her a drink?" I asked in his ear.  
Finn smiled instantly, and he turned, handing me a drink,  
"Ma'am." He replied.  
I grinned, and took a sip of the drink – beer,  
"Mmm, why thank you, Sir."  
Finn chuckled softly, shaking his head,  
"Ya looked like you were 'aving fun out there."  
I nodded and smiled,  
"I was."  
"You an' Chlo alright now?" I nodded again. "Glad ta hear it, baby."  
"Me too." I smiled.  
Finn grinned, and he moved closer to me, kissing my cheek softly,  
"Look, ah need ta talk ta ya. Nought bad, so don't get all worried, yeah?" I smiled and looked at him, nodding, waiting for him to continue. "Ah jus' wanna say that ah love ya, Rae. Yeah, ah say it every day, an' shit. But ah mean it. Ah've never been in a proper serious relationship before, an' ah'm so glad it's wi' you. Ya perfect for me, an' even if ya don't believe me, it's the truth. I love you so much, Rachel Earl."  
Tears stung in my eyes, and I quickly sniffed, smiling big, seeing Finn frown at my reaction. Putting my cup down onto the table, I then wrapped my arms around his neck, pecking his lips softly,  
"Finn Nelson; you are too sweet to me. I love you so much, an' ah'm so 'appy that you're mine. Because you 'ave made me feel so much better about me self, an' ah've never 'ad as much fun, as I 'ave wi' you."  
Finn grinned big at me, and he kissed my lips deeply. Returning the kiss, Finn wrapped his arms around my waist, and I moved myself closer to him, as he slowly kissed each other. My heart was pounding, and I could feel my tears rolling down my cheeks. As we slowly pulled away, Finn was smiling at me, and he unwrapped his arms from around my waist, and he wiped away my tears gently with his fingertips,  
"Look at you cryin' while ya sober." He chuckled quietly.  
I laughed, and sniffed, nodding,  
"Ah know! Not even 'ad a drink yet, and ya've already got me beefin'!" We both laughed, and I shook my head, sniffing. "Who would've thought, eh? If someone would've told me that I'd end up datin' the fittest bloke in Lincolnshire, ah would 'ave never believed 'em." I sighed happily. "But 'ere you are. Standin' 'ere in front of me. After all the shit I've put ya through, an' ya still 'ere. You, Finn Nelson, are the perfect boy for me." I was getting even more emotional. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. As Finn stared at me, with a wide grin on his face, I sighed again, picking up my drink, and I took a sip of my beer.  
"Promised ya a future, Rae. I intend ta keep that promise." He murmured in my ear.  
I looked at him, my face had dropped in shock, and he winked at me. I swallowed thickly,  
"Are ya tryin' to make me turn into a blubberin' mess?" I asked him.  
Chuckling softly, Finn shook his head,  
"Ah'm sorry, baby. Jus' bein' honest wi' ya." I narrowed my eyes at him, as I grinned at him, and then I bit my lip. Finn cupped my face and he wiped away my tears with his thumbs. Glancing around, Finn then looked back down at me, and he leaned down, pecking my lips softly twice. "So tell me, baby. Where do ya see us goin'?"  
I raised my eyebrows at him, and then I licked my lips,  
"All the way." I whispered, loud enough for him to hear over the music.  
A wide grin spread across his face, and he nodded,  
"Me too, baby."  
"Ya sure ya wanna go back to school, Finn? Ah mean, d'ya think ya really wanna do it?" I asked him, as I ran a hand through his hair.  
Finn was smiling down at me, as he listened to me, and then he nodded, taking a sip of his beer,  
"Yeah, course, babe. Ah need ta make sure that ah ain't jus' bein' a lazy fucker. Need ta see if school can really 'elp me. Ah know what ah wanna do, Rae-Rae. Jus' gotta get it done now."  
I nodded, showing that I understood him. I took my flashing whistle off over my head, and I put it around Finn's neck. He looked down, as I grinned at him, and as he looked back at me, he chuckled softly to himself. As we stood there in silence, I began to think about the last month that we've spent together. Everything felt so surreal. Like a dream. Memories from the last four weeks popped in my head:  
_"You wanna dance?" Finn asked in my ear._  
_Looking at him, I blushed slightly and nodded,_  
_"Sure."_  
_Smiling at me, he shrugged out of his jacket and he took hold of my hand, throwing his denim jacket onto a random chair, leading me onto the dance floor._

_"You're so brave." Finn murmured, furrowing his eyebrows together._  
_My eyes softened, as I looked at him,_  
_"I-I am?" He nodded in reply. "Why?" I whispered._  
_He stopped dancing, making me stop too, and he brushed a loose strand of my hair off my fringe,_  
_"How you stood up there, and-and you told everyone your deepest and darkest secret. It was so brave, Rae. I-I was in shock. And I thought to myself, if Rae can admit her feelings about me in front of everyone; then I should have the balls to tell you."_

_"Can I ask you something? And I'm sorry if it sounds pushy."  
"What is it?" I asked, a smile appearing on my face.  
"Well, your mum and Karim are going away. Want some company?"  
My eyes widened slightly. The thought of waking up to Finn on a morning, made my insides want to explode. __Hold. It. Together.__ I told myself. Clearing my throat, Finn bet me to it,  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."  
"No." I shook my head. "No, it's fine. You can, if you'd like."  
"Really? It's alright if you don't wanna."  
_"_No, really. It's fine." I smiled and nodded._

_"You're beautiful." He whispered in my ear._

_"Mmm Nellie, I'm too tired."_  
_Finn smirked, raising his eyebrows up in amusement,_  
_"Nellie?"_  
_I yawned, nodding as I rubbed my eyes again,_  
_"New nickname." I mumbled._

_"Someday, I wanna make you mine."_  
_I let out a laugh,_  
_"What do y'mean?" I asked him, my eyebrows furrowing together._  
_"Mine, Rae." He spoke softly, looking up at me. "Officially mine. I want to marry you, Rae. I really do. And-and I know that it's way too soon for that shit, but I just wanted to let you know."_

I broke out of my memories, and I looked up at Finn, whom looked back at me, and I leaned up, kissing his lips softly once,  
"You mean so much to me." I told him.  
He furrowed his eyebrows at me, and I knew he was wondering what made me say that, but he seemed to drop the subject,  
"You mean so much to me too, Rae." He replied. He glanced at the dance floor, and then he looked at me. "D'ya, d'ya wanna dance, Rae-Rae?" He asked me.  
I grinned big, and I nodded, taking his hand. We both finished our drinks, and then we set our empty cups onto the table, and we walked over to the dance floor. The music was blaring some random club anthem shit, the neon lights were still shining all around the room, and the room was still crowded. Finn placed his hands on my waist, and I placed the whistle that I currently gave Finn, in my mouth. I held his arms, as we turned around in a circle, the light up whistle, flashing under my eyes. My heart was hammering, and Finn was staring straight into my eyes. He had a nervous smile on his face, I moved my arms; my forearms were resting against the back of Finn's head. He was smiling at me, watching me as I slowly moved my hands down, the feeling of déjà vu hitting my mind. My hands cupped the back of Finns' head, and our noses pressed together gently; our eyes closing, and I dropped the light up whistle out of my mouth. I felt my heart racing, as we stood there in the middle of the dance floor. I felt Finn's lips against mine, and he slowly began to kiss me. I smiled into the kiss, when the realisation that the déjà vu feeling was, was that I was finally getting my fantasy. This was it. This was the moment where my rave fantasy was finally coming true. Finn slid his tongue in my mouth, and I gasped, as Finn slowly massaged his tongue against mine. My heart was racing as Finn kissed me more passionately. He groaned softly into the kiss, making me gasp, and I let out a small moan. Slowly pulling out of the kiss, Finn looked deeply into my eyes, and I looked back into his,  
"Rachel Earl, I love you." Finn said softly.  
"I love you, too, Finn Nelson." I replied softly.  
He smiled big at me, and he bit his lip gently,  
"You're the only girl for me, baby."  
"And you're the only boy for me." I grinned big.  
Finn kissed my lips passionately once, and then he sighed happily, looking at me. I was happy. Finn was happy. We were both happy. Everything was perfect. Just him and I against the world. Forever.

**The End.**

* * *

And that is the sequel over and done with! I just want to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who has read this sequel. I know it isn't as popular as 14 Days of Heaven, but this one was more special to me for personal reasons. Thank you to everyone who has stuck by me, and carried on reading! I want to tell you my big secret project. **There is going to be another sequel!** The story is going to be called "All For You", I have the trailer already made, and I'm ready to start writing it. Also letting you know that the format will be exactly how 14 Days of Heaven was set out. Now, for the thank you's:

· Phoebe.

· Olivia.

· Poppy.

· Nancy.

· Emma.

· Krazykay23.

· Bittersweetblonde.

· Raefinnxo.

· Gabisamore.

· Sey77.

· And everyone else who commented and read.

Follow me on Twitter ( FinnlovesRae) and on Tumblr (rae-nelson), and there'll be updates when "All For You" will premiere!


End file.
